


A Prisoner's Dilemma

by Fourticktock



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dehumanization, Eventual Romance, Forced Exhibitionism, Gang Rape, Good Loki, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Angst, M/M, Multi, Odin's Bad Parenting, Prison Sex, Protective Thor, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Spoilers, Thorki - Freeform, Torture, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 20:56:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 64,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fourticktock/pseuds/Fourticktock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS for Thor: The Dark World </p><p>Loki is taken back to Asgard after the events in New York, placed in prison and left to rot. With no sign of Thor, Odin, or Frigga, Loki's only visitors are Fandral and the Warriors. At the same time, he must deal with accepting his Jotun nature, the events of Thor: The Dark World, and the ultimate fate of the Tesseract. </p><p>Review from thedangerbunny:<br/>"Cheesus fuck. [flushes red]"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will have a real plot, and include events from Thor: The Dark World. It will also have a lot of pure sex and kinkiness at first. At its core, however, this is a story about Loki's journey to possibly find some way to live with himself and Thor after everything that's happened.

Odin barely looked him in the eye when he handed down his "judgement". Loki was dragged by the collar to Asgard's infamous prison. He knew Thor would no doubt like to watch him as they locked him in, but when they arrived Thor wasn't there. Guards surrounded Loki on all sides.

It wasn't just a prison of the flesh, Loki realised as he gazed at the cell, which was completely empty contrary to Odin's promise of comfort. For a normal Asgardian, it looked just like the dozens of cells down the corridor. All big and white, with shining glass shields in lieu of savage-looking bars. It was in the exact middle of the hallway, but unlike the others, it had three see-through walls so that all three of his neighbours - and even some to the right and left of the neighbour across - could see inside it. It was a clear, stylish prison. The kind Loki should favour, but if there was one thing Loki knew better than anyone it was that appearances could be deceiving.

What the guards surrounding him could not see was the magical shield encompassing the cell, reaching out to about an arm's length outside of its walls. Inside he would truly be powerless. For the first time since his capture, Loki's body started resisting. He stopped short. The guards behind him immediately took a firm grip on his upper arms and propelled him forward.

Fandral stepped up on the raised step in front of the cell, leaning against the column at the corner. He looked down at Loki with a smirk he usually reserved for young ladies at around three dozen drinks. He fished out a chain from underneath his shirt. 'Welcome to your new home,' he said, pressing a small disk to an indentation on the column.

The shield and glass slid away to allow for a three man opening. The guards holding the prisoner forced him inside. Everyone else stood at attention lest he try something. A gasp was wrung from him as his magic left him. It was like someone had peeled his skin off. It lasted only for a moment, then the pain ebbed away to a cold loss felt in the marrow of his bones. Fandral stepped inside and looked him over. He realised his skin had not turned blue - proving once and for all it was a trait given to him by the Allfather and independent of his own magical abilities.

'Remove the bindings.' The guards unlocked his chains and collar, bringing some relief to his sore neck. At the sight of that relief, Fandral laughed.

'Strip him.'

'What?' Loki started to resist as the guards began pulling at his clothes. A sword was at his throat in an instant, Fandral at the other end of it.

'Give me a reason to slit your throat, Jotun.' Loki stood still, the sword gnawing drops of blood from his neck as the guards stripped his body. He wanted to close his eyes to shield himself against it all, but to let Fandral see that weakness was not an option. The guards ripped his clothes with the help of daggers. Imprisonment was one thing - he had been preparing for that for some time - but this had not been part of his calculations. He knew the he was despised on Asgard, but he had not given Fandral enough credit when it came to expressing his hatred.

Once naked, shame prickling him all over, Fandral looked him up and down slowly, tilting his head in contemplation, before finally removing the sword. Loki remained still, not covering himself. That would be even more humiliating. The neighbouring cells all held prisoners from the Nine Realms - all young males - who now stepped close to their shared walls to watch. One punched the wall, ignoring the painful shock, and laughed.

'What is that expression?' Fandral said. 'How the mighty have fallen? Of course, you were never mighty to begin with.' He made a gesture with his head and the guards all left the cell. He stepped close. 'Know this, Jotun, you are ours to do with as we please. Neither the Allfather nor Thor care what happens to you. You will never have visitors, you will never be let out. But, I can make things bearable for you, if you do as you are told.'

Loki gave no answer, so Fandral just tapped the side of his head. 'Use that clever head of yours, Jotun. Things can always get worse.' With those parting words, he left the cell and the gaggle of guards followed him. The other prisoners had begun calling out insults - and a few lewd comments - but he didn't hear them clearly through the walls.

He walked to the inner wall and slid down it, hugging his legs to his chest to give himself some modesty. He put his head on the top of his knees and closed his eyes. What Fandral didn't realise of course, was that no matter how much torture he inflicted on Loki, it could never compare to the torture he had escaped. A morbid comfort, but he would take what he could.

XXX

Two weeks passed, and Loki's Jotun nature was put to the test. He needed very little water or nourishment so long as he remained inactive. For the first few days his fellow prisoners tried to bait him, but he ignored them. After the first week, a guard came in and set down a goblet of water and a bowl of something on the floor. He sneered slightly, but didn't say anything.

Loki stared across the rather large cell at the offerings. Apparently, though the other prisoners had taken the time to eat and drink, they still found Loki more interesting. All three of his nearest neighbours were on their feet, standing as close to their walls as possible. Loki didn't move. He didn't move for an entire day, but eventually, his hunger outweighed his embarrassment. It's not as if they hadn't seen it all already. He rose carefully, his joints acing, and felt cold rush against his skin. The temperature wasn't an issue, but the sudden acute awareness of his nakedness was.

Their catcalls still shamed him, but he lifted his head and walked straight to the edge of the cell, picking up his meal and returning to his previous position.

'Didn't know Jotuns had cocks,' one club-headed man, his face half-beard, half-scar tissue, grunted. 'Thought you cut them off because no woman would have you!'

'I'd have him,' another prisoner called. 'He's got a woman's arse.'

'That skinny thing?' a third laughed.

Loki ate quickly and drank the water. He tried not to think of his magic, which he missed almost more than his clothes. Then there was Frigga. Fandral had not mentioned her. If she tried to visit, and saw him, that would be far worse than any torture.

Fandral's cocky steps soon echoed down the hall, followed by Volstagg, Hogun, and a handful of guards. Loki recognised one's breathing and the other's stealth. He did not look up, but heard the cell open.

'Darken the cell,' Fandral ordered. Loki looked up just in time to see the three glass walls go black, his back against the one remaining light source. Fandral stood in the middle of the cell with an air of eager sinisterness. Volstagg and Hogun stood on either side, both calmer, but no less interested.

'Get up.'

Loki considered resisting, but perhaps it was too early. He pushed himself up against the wall, without covering himself. Again the rush of air to his skin left him fighting a blush, especially with the other two Warriors present.

'Have you had enough time to consider your position?' Fandral asked. Loki didn't answer. The sword came out again. Fandral threw it with all his might and Loki ducked instinctively. The sword went straight into the wall above his head. The Warriors laughed at his reaction like dunderheads. Fandral crossed the room, taking out the cuffs and dangling them in front of Loki. With his other hand, he gripped Loki's chin and forced him up against the wall. He leaned in so close Loki could feel his breath on his cheek.

'You are going to submit like a whore.'

'If this is your way of repaying your debt to me, you're doing a very poor job.' Fandral's hand struck him hard enough to drive him to the floor. He was pulled up by the hair and one hand was put in the cuffs.

'Up!' Fandral ordered, pulling his arm up towards the sword. He threw the chains over, forcing Loki's other hand into the cuffs so he hung on the sword, facing the wall. It was stuck so high he was forced on his tip-toes.

'Those hips will be good to grab on to,' Volstagg muttered. Fandral chuckled, stepping back to admire his work. Since he was facing away from his tormentors, Loki allowed himself to close his eyes. His muscles were tense, and he tried to relax them, but the stretch made it difficult. He felt cold metal against his right buttock - Fandral's dagger. He slid it across, dipping it into Loki's crack, and Loki failed to remain calm. He struggled away, but the chain would not slide on the sword thanks to his weight on it. Fandral's breathy laugh was in his ear. The dagger continued on its path to the left cheek, then down, making half circles under his buttocks, touching the back of his ballsack. Would he cut? Loki's ability to predict failed him, something that scared him more than Fandral's dagger, or his cock.

The dagger left his skin, and Fandral took a moment to remove his gloves. His hands were warm, so very warm, and some substance was coating them. He slid them down to touch Loki's opening. Loki held his breath as it circled it, pressing down but not penetrating.

It was worse than he had imagined. Fandral wouldn't just rape him - or perhaps he would, in time - but this initial meeting would be about pure humiliation. Already Loki's skin tingled, the physical reaction was uncontrollable. Memories rushed to him: of Fandral coming to him in the library, fucking him up against the shelves and then scurrying away when they heard Thor come to get them. Memories of him under the table, sucking that beautiful cock. Fandral had always been prettier than he had any right to be, but his masculinity had never been in doubt like Loki's. Until his sixteenth birthday, Loki had taken it as a matter of course that Fandral's attentions were to be received and cherished.

'Still my little whore,' Fandral whispered, so quiet the others didn't hear. 'See, friends,' he said aloud. 'I told you he would enjoy it. He will be begging before we're done with him.'

'It's true,' Hogun's proximity startled Loki into opening his eyes. The Warrior was to his immediate left, leaning against the wall and staring fixedly at Loki's member. 'He is aroused.' It was true, though Loki hadn't realised it until the words were spoken. Fandral laughed and finally breached Loki's body.

It was too early for this complete humiliation, but his body betrayed him. His cock jumped as Fandral slid his finger all the way in, curling. In and out, slow and precise, until he slid in another, pressing deeper. Loki's breath began to be laboured. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think of the most horrid things he could conjure up. Pain would have been easy - he had handled more pain than the likes of Fandral could ever imagine.

A hand slid to his cock, also wet with a substance, and gripped him firmly, sliding up and down once. 'It doesn't look like a Jotun cock,' Volstagg mentioned.

'Have you ever seen one?' Fandral chuckled.

'No. Get on with things, Fandral, I'm hard as rock.'

'How about it, Loki?' Fandral asked. 'Would you like a good fuck?' Without waiting for a reply, Fandral stopped pleasuring him and repositioned himself directly behind Loki. He slid his hands across Loki's chest and down, feeling the smooth skin while humming appreciatively. The utter helplessness of his situation hit Loki as he strained against his bonds. Fandral could touch him anywhere, and his cursed body was aroused by the thought. Was this some cruel joke of his Jotun heritage? Loki thought madly.

One hand settled on Loki's hip, the other fumbling with his armour. 'Ah, yes.' His cock slid in like silk. Loki kept as still as he could manage, but despite his tenseness and humiliation, it still felt so damn warm, like Fandral's cock was on fire. His skin blushed as Fandral took a firm grip on his hips and set to work. His rhythm was controlled, his thrust deep and regular. Loki was hung up at a perfect height, and Fandral's cock reached every inch that needed touching.

'Damn, that feels good,' Fandral grunted. 'You were born to do this, Jotun.' His own cock was fully hard now, its tip just touching the wall with every thrust.

Fandral's rhythm gradually increase in intensity. Loki unconsciously tried to spread his legs a bit, which made the Warriors laugh, but closing his legs again would only make it worse. He strained against the chains, pressing away as he felt his pleasure build. Fandral put one hand on the middle of his back and pressed him fully against the wall for better purchase. He was grunting with every thrust now.

'Yes,' he groaned, emptying himself as his head fell against Loki's shoulder. He fell still for a moment. Then he pulled out roughly and put himself together. 'That was just what I needed,' he said, pleased with himself. 'Next?'

'I want him on the floor,' Volstagg said. 'Like the dog he is.' Fandral snorted, but released one of Loki's wrists. The sudden freedom cause him to collapse on the floor. Volstagg was there, grabbing his arm in an iron grip and throwing him across the floor. He slid, but his sweaty body stopped him quick. He allowed himself to go limp. 'Come on,' Volstagg urged matter in a no-nonsense manner. 'Up on your hands and knees.' His voice expected no argument, but Loki didn't move, instead concentrating on calming his arousal through his disgust at the Asgardian.

He heard Fandral remove the sword from the wall, his shoes clicking on the floor, and then the tip against his neck again. 'Do it.'

'Why don't you do it, I'm a bit tired,' Loki murmured.

'You can do it, or I can stick two daggers in your stomach and balance you on them,' Volstagg grunted. He kicked him hard in the area he had indicated. Loki breathed through the pain and did as he was told, sending his mind far away.

Volstagg took him like Loki imagined he took most of his women. He was big, far bigger than Fandral – though Loki knew the myth that true Asgardian warriors never stopped growing was false. The first few thrusts were accompanied with sighs of pleasure, and agreement with Fandral of his suitability to the task.

He settled down soon, however, and leaned forward, angling it right, and Loki bit his lip at the return of his own pleasure. Volstagg and Fandral laughed. 'Touch him, make him come like the whore he is,' Fandral urged, and Volstagg took him up on it, taking Loki's cock in a tight grip. It had never gone soft, so it was quick to full stiffness again. Volstagg was far more well versed in the art of lovemaking than his appearance would suggest. He matched his thrusts with the pumps on Loki's cock.

No, he would not come like this, Loki thought desperately. He would not receive pleasure from his jailers. But the only thing he could see was a white floor, and the only thing he could feel was a solid cock in his ass and a steady pump on his cock. His body was beyond his control.

He came silently, his teeth biting through his lip, to the sound of Volstagg's grunt and Fandral's laughter.

They left him on the floor. When the glass became see-through again, the prisoners catcalled, so Loki dragged himself to the inner wall and curled up.

XXX

He received the same bowl of bland nourishment and water after another two weeks. He knew they had calculated how to keep him weak. Fandral returned every week or so, often flushed with victory from some battlefield, and fucked him up against the wall. The glass was always darkened, but the Warrior never bothered with the cuffs again. Sometimes he was rough, other times he enjoyed making Loki come against his will.

Loki knew something was different when Fandral entered. There was a skip in his step. 'Good morning, Jotun,' he said. He had not used Loki's name once. 'I have a present for you.'

Loki looked up as two guards brought in a sofa. It was beautiful, and in fact it was the exact piece of furniture that Loki had kept in his rooms. Gilded, made by the finest craftsmen, covered with a black velvety fabric, the sofa looked more than a little out of place. The guards placed it down in front of Loki and left, darkening the glass once outside.

'But wait, there is more,' Fandral held out an apple. A beautiful golden apple. Loki stared at it with incomprehension. Surely, he couldn't mean? Fandral was surely not childish enough to snatch it from him. He reached out and took it, and when no more was said, he bit into it.

Fandral threw himself down on the sofa and watched Loki gobble the apple up. It gave him such energy. Warm delicious energy filled his every cell. His mind felt clearer. He ate every bit, even the seeds. When he was done he looked up at the smiling Fandral.

'Well?'

'Thank you.' Loki knew it was what he wanted to hear.

'I want more than words.' Fandral looked pointedly down at his crouch, and Loki understood. He didn't sigh or show any sign of emotion, but simply crawled to the sofa to kneel between Fandral's spread knees. He started undoing his trousers, when Fandral suddenly grabbed his chin and forced him to look up. 'If you get any ideas about that pretty mouth of yours, know that if you harm me I have assassins ready to kill Frigga in her sleep.' The threat hammered into Loki – how had Fandral known that was the one thing that would be effective? Fandral read the shock in his face. 'Mother's little boy, even now.' He let go and leaned back, letting Loki go to work.

He did so, and Fandral's cock sprang forth, hard already. It tasted just as Loki remembered – far better than any cock had the right to taste, or maybe that was the lingering taste of Idun's apple. He worked studiously, and Fandral allowed himself to moan.

'Yes, good, you are a master of that, better than any whore. God of Cock sucking,' he laughed breathily at his own wit. 'Oh, oh, Loki.' His name, for reasons unknown to him, caused Loki's cock to harden, and from there on every moan made him harder. He tried to use one hand to pinch himself, to try and alleviate his arousal.

'All right, that's enough,' Fandral groaned. 'Stop, stop. Come here. Up on me.' Loki obeyed, straddling Fandral and reaching back to take the Warrior into himself. 'What's this?' Fandral's smirk was wide and gleeful as he took hold of Loki's member.

'Ah,' Loki let slip before he could bite his lip, muscles tensing.

'Go on, sit down.' Loki sat down, taking Fandral deep inside himself, blushing furiously as Fandral started stroking him. This position was so much better than up against the cold wall, face pressed against it. As he rocked up and down, Fandral's strokes worked in counterpoint. His body stretched, his back arching. Fandral's other hand came up to touch it, teasing one of his nipples. 'Yes, yes, my Jotun whore,' Fandral urged. 'Faster.' By now Loki was riding him like a beast. Fandral's member was like a rod of fire inside him. He was certain steam was coming off him. He hated the pleasure, and the fact that Fandral gave it to him so easily. He should be wishing for pain, not this humiliation. Pain would come eventually, however, if he knew Fandral at all. It wasn't like anyone would ever come for him. This was his reality until he found his own means of escape. Until then, he best-

Then he was coming into Fandral's hand as the Asgardian groaned loudly in relief. Loki was shocked at how suddenly the pleasure had taken him. He almost didn't want to let Fandral out of him, then he was horrified he had thought that.

After a very short recovery time, Fandral pushed Loki off him, straight to the floor. He got up and tucked himself away, before looking critically at the sofa. He took one armrest and lifted, turning it so it faced the glass. 'Don't move it,' he said, before leaving. The glass lighted and the prisoners were ready to see what had happened. Loki stayed on the floor for a while before giving in and laying down on the sofa, his back to the glass. On display, naked and dirty, he buried his face in the fabric.

XXX

The next time they came, Loki knew things were going to be different. Fandral entered first, finding Loki on the sofa. Volstagg and Hogun followed, along with two guards, the opening closing behind them.

'Rise,' Fandral ordered. Loki glanced at the clear walls. 'Do not make me repeat myself.' Ignoring the way the prisoners immediately rose with him, he did as he was told. Fandral came forward and only then did he realise he held the collar. Loki jerked back as Fandral reached for him, but with a look the Warrior made him receive it. He couldn't feel its magic-dampeing effect, but that was because nothing worked in the cell.

'Take down the field,' Fandral ordered, and after a moment both the anti-magic field and the forcefield shut off. Before he could ask what was going to happen, Fandral grabbed him by the collar and dragged him forward to the front of the cell. He pushed him against the glass. The other prisoners laughed and jeered as Loki's naked body was pressed to the glass for display. Fandral's mouth was at his ear. 'Time for a show,' he whispered, slipping his hand between Loki and the glass and taking his cock in hand. Loki pushed hard against the glass, but Fandral was using his whole body to press him close and Loki was weakened. His cock jumped to attention as if trained. Other guards started gathering in front of the cell to look.

After making him fully hard and close to breaking his composure with a scream, Fandral stepped back and Loki slid to the floor, covering his hard member. 'You.' Loki heard him order. 'You want your cock sucked?' There was no answer, but Loki was pulled to his knees in front of the guard, who looked eager and terrified. 'Remember my threat,' Fandral whispered in Loki's ear.

Loki did nothing. He stared up at Fandral expressionless, but the Warrior just smiled back. He stepped up to the guard, whispering something in his ear. The guard seemed to gain some bravery, for he reached down and took hold of Loki's collar.

Loki lashed out, hitting the side of the guard's head, but the helmet was hard, and Loki weak. His struggles were futile as his windpipe was restricted by the tugging at the collar. He gasped for air as the guard punched him in the stomach and dragged him to his feet, up against the glass again.

Before he knew what was happening, a cock was pushing into him. Fandral fucked him so often, there was little resistance. The guard groaned like it was the best thing he had felt in his life. The Warriors laughed and spoke to each other, but Loki couldn't hear them. He pressed his forehead to the glass and waited it out, ignoring the cheers of encouragement from the audience.

As soon as it began, it was over, and the guard stepped away. The other prisoners were cheering and hitting their walls. But Fandral wasn't finished.

'You,' Loki heard him say. 'Get back, all the way now.' He grabbed Loki by the collar and pulled him towards the neighbouring cell. Loki now realised he had been speaking to the prisoner: a beast of a man in threadbare clothing, full of the marks of his people and scars of battle, his head bare of hair, and his skin still dark from his time in the sun. He was ugly, the grin making him even more so.

'Open it.' Realising what was about to happen, Loki struggled against the collar, but Fandral lifted him by it, making it difficult to breathe. An opening in the wall appeared. 'Kill him and you're dead. Other than that, have fun.' Fandral flung Loki into the cell. He landed hard of the floor, further winding him. He gasped for air, rolling over in preparation for the attack – and just in time to see the man charging. He kicked at the man's head as hard as he could. It connected, and the man stumbled slightly.

Loki rolled back over to get up, lunging for a simple wooden chair. He swung it hard without even checking if the man was behind him. Again, he connected, but the chair broke without much damage to the man. He grinned and kept coming. Loki ducked and slipped out of his grasp. The man was quick, however, and well-fed compared to Loki. Just as Loki reached the man's bed, he had a hold of Loki's collar. Loki gasped for breath as the man swung him round like a doll and dropped him on the floor.

He tried to keep his head clear, crawling away in desperation and instinct, all normal strategy gone. He felt a hand on his right ankle and kicked, but he was too weak, the man easily pulled him back. Loki looked up to see the audience all watching him eagerly. The man grabbed his head and smashed it into the floor.

The world blurred, his ears ringing, and for a moment he thought he was going to black out. Unaware of his body, the first of his senses to return was his hearing. 'Fucking Jotun,' the man grunted from right behind him. 'You're so cold. Urgh, how can such a cold whore feel so good. Damn, you're like silk.' The man's cock was inside him, warm and huge and ripping into him.

Something clicked. Cold. He wanted to be cold. Cold as ice. Colder than a cock might enjoy. He closed his eyes and shut out the world – the cock in his ass, the laughter of the audience, the pleasure of his own cock against the floor – and gave himself over to the cold. He had only ever done this before when holding the Casket of Winter.

A scream pierced his ears as the man scrambled off him. Loki turned, realising something was still inside him as he watched the man roll on the floor, bleeding and full of frost bite on his arms and face. Loki quickly reached behind him and removed it, holding in his urge to vomit, and discarding it without looking. He stared at his skin. It was already returning to its pinkish colour. The man would not stop screaming or bleeding. Loki crawled towards the wall and pressed himself against it, smearing blood on it. He gazed up into Fandral's face. He looked, if anything, impressed. He signalled the guards and the wall opened, and Loki fell through. Fandral dragged him the rest of the way, crouching and removing the collar. The forcefields came back on.

'Hogun,' Fandral said, as he stood. 'I believe it's your turn with the prisoner.'

'It will be my pleasure,' Hogun replied.

'Sir,' one of the guards stepped forward. 'The other prisoner...?'

'Wait till he dies then clean the cell. He killed himself.'

'As you say My Lord Fandral.'

Hogun stood over Loki, gazing down at him with piercing eyes. The quiet Warrior would no doubt use all his skill to inflict pain on Loki, but by now something as simple as pain would be a relief. Loki tried to remember the torture he had already suffered. No Asgardian could match that, surely. But there was a terrifying gleam in the Warrior's eye.

'Bring me candles,' he said to the guards. 'Lots of candles.'

They brought him far more than candles. A table was brought in, made of wooden legs and a thin stone slab. Loki was placed on it, spead out like a specimen. Candles, as well as torches and a big round metal dish - the kind used to keep small fires in by the entrance to the great hall - were brought in. All eyes were on his cell. Every guard and prisoner waited with bated breath to hear the God of Mischief scream. Loki steeled himself silently, and said not a word. At least his arousal was gone, and he lay limp on the table as each of his four limbs were tied off to the table's legs. Hogun circled him as he gave instructions. 'The Jotun will not like the heat,' he told them. They made a small fire in the dish and placed it beneath the table. Almost immediately Loki felt the heat, but it was nowhere near unbearable. 

Hogun took candles first. Everyone was silent, all pressed against the walls at a "respectful" distance. Hogun leaned down by Loki's head. 

'I do this in repayment for the lives you have cost.' 

Which lives? Loki wanted to ask. He doubted a Warrior, even one such as quiet and cerebral as Hogun, cared about the people of Midgard, or the Jotuns Loki killed with the Bifrost. Did they blame him for some yet unknown crime? 

Candlewax interrupted him as it was poured over his chest. The sting of it was disturbingly less painful than expected. Almost pleasurable compared to the prospect of rape. 

His back arched as more was poured on, locking in more heat. He was sweating profusely. But still only uncomfortable, not in pain. Hogun was taking his time. 

The fire under the table was heating the thin slab quickly. Loki wriggled, but was bound tight. They left him like that for several minutes, maybe as much as half an hour. By then, the heat was more than painful, and Loki couldn't lie still. 

'A torch,' Hogun ordered. He took it from a guard and surveyed Loki, then without warning pressed the flaming torch to Loki's left nipple. 

Loki screamed as it seared him, until he got his pain under control and bit his lip. Hogun repeated the process with the other nipple, pressing the torch down until Loki's skin was searing like meat on a skillet. He grunted, but didn't scream. By now, the slab he was on felt like it was made of fire. The flames licked the stone, making it glow red. 

His back and buttocks were starting to burn black. He scream again, letting out a burst of pain before clamping down on it again. He had endured worse, he told himself, for far longer than these would bother. Hogun added more fuel to the fire, even though the vents couldn't take the smoke. The skin was starting to bubble and crackle - Loki could _hear_ it! Had Loki been able to, he would have vomitted. Hogun ordered the guards to press torches to several places on his body at once. 

He was melting, he was certain of it. White hot pain like that made his mind go black. Nothing existed but the pain. He couldn't get away from it. 

'Stop, stop,' he babbled as Hogun was roasting his feet. The flames danced between his toes. He screamed, and kept screaming. 'Please!' 

'There's no ice here for you, Frost Giant,' Volstagg spat. 

'Stop, please! STOP!' His tears turned to vapour. Just when he thought he would pass out, Hogun ordered water. He put out the fire under Loki, and cut his bindings. Loki couldn't move from the pain. Someone pushed him off the table, or kicked him, and the world went dark when he hit the floor. 

XXX

Loki's body still ached after two weeks of lying perfectly still on the sofa. He hadn't even tried to move to eat. No one had bothered him. His skin was only now beginning to recover, but parts of it was still completely black. He still remembered his begging for mercy with shame.

Fandral entered silently, coming to stand over Loki. The glass had been darkened.

'Poor Jotun,' he said. 'But I am merciful. I've brought you another present.' He produced a jar of something from behind his back. Loki realised what it was and reached for it, regretting the movement immediately. 'Don't move,' Fandral told him. He knelt by the sofa. 'I will apply it.' Hardly believing his senses, Loki watched as the Warrior took a handful of healing ointment and applied it to Loki's chest. The relief was so instantaneous Loki cried out. 'Relax,' Fandral soothed.

He continued his healing, and Loki's flawless skin slowly revealed itself again. Like the healing sisters, Fandral applied the ointment with a massage, and soon Loki felt as boneless as the Warriors of Asgard must feel after a long battle and healing session. Soon, Fandral's hand slipped between Loki's legs, and the pleasure was so acute Loki moaned. 'Do you like that?' Fandral asked.

'Yes,' Loki breathed out helplessly.

'Would you like me to fuck you?'

'Yes, anything.' Fandral gently lifted Loki's legs, draping one over the back of the sofa, and letting himself slip between them. His member was already out, and Loki arched himself to lead him inside. Fandral groaned. 'Let me hear you.' Loki moaned in response, grabbing the back of the sofa for purchase. Fandral fucked him slow, and kept encouraging Loki to make noises. Loki knew it was all part of his mind games. If he had been doing it to anyone else, Loki might be impressed. He knew he was being manipulated, but he was so tired. Tired of not eating, tired of being naked and on display like an animal, tired of pain and humiliation, and tired of denying his own enjoyment most of all. He moaned loudly.

'Yes, harder!' he groaned. He wanted to disappear in the act itself. Become the beast they were treating him like. He was so hard he was certain he would come without Fandral even touching his cock.

'What is the meaning of this?'

Fandral looked up in surprise, but Loki knew better than to look the God of Thunder in the eye. All at once his skin burned with so much shame he thought Hogun's torture preferable.


	2. Chapter 2

'What is the meaning of this?' Thor stepped into the prison. Fandral and Loki had frozen at the sound of his voice, and their coupling looked for a moment like a statue. Then Fandral smiled. 

'I'm sorry, Thor, we should have told you.' 

Loki was naked, very naked. Thor tried not to look, but Loki's body was flushed like he had never seen him before. Had someone asked him a moment ago, he would not have believed Loki capable of looking so wild, not even at his most mad. Fandral's front was pressed hard into him. They had been making such noise.

Fandral's words caused a stir of some emotion in Thor. He did not understand that he meant at first, but then he guessed their meaning. 

'How long have you two...?'

'Years, I'm afraid.' Fandral said. He gently slipped out of Loki – the sight of that caused Thor to turn away as Fandral tucked himself in. Thor did not see the look exchanged between the two. 'Like I said,' Fandral continued. 'We should have told you.' 

'But, all those times when you spoke against Loki,' Thor turned back to them, only to discover Loki still naked on the sofa. Where were his clothes? Loki was still hard – his cock was long and oddly beautiful. His muscles had suffered in captivity. In fact he looked thinner even than a prisoner had a right to be. 

'I had to speak against him. I could not let our physical coupling affect my judgement. Surely you can understand that?' 

'Yes, I suppose.' 

'It's an outlet,' Fandral explained, shrugging. 'We both get what we need from it.' 

Thor looked at Loki's face. It was blank as could be. Thor would have expected some sneer or insult. Loki stared at the wall, not reacting to anything Fandral said. Did Loki really enjoy having Fandral take him like a woman? They always used to tease Loki about that when they were younger, but for it to turn out true... 

'Loki,' Thor prompted. 'You... enjoy this?' 

'As he explained,' Loki answered. 'We both get what we want.' 

Thor turned away and left. He had meant to ask why Loki refused to let anyone visit, but if this was how he spent his time, he could rot away alone for all Thor cared. 

'Very good,' Fandral said, before following Thor. 

Loki remained, glad Fandral had forgotten to clear the darkened glass for once. He curled into the sofa and closed his eyes. Why had he not screamed out all of Fandral's sins to Thor? Several reasons his calculating mind could list if needed, but mostly he had reacted out of pure instinct, and shame. 

In the space of a few months – or had it been longer? - Loki, God of Mischief, Trickster, son of Frigga, and powerful magic user, had been reduced to a shameful Jotun whore. He would escape, that much he knew, and he would pull Fandral's body asunder bone by bone, laughing at his screams. But until then he would live in this prison as he was, and Thor would not be allowed the satisfaction of rescuing a defeated brother. No, he would only have the pleasure of finding an empty prison and a dead friend. 

XXX 

_The Other circled him where he knelt._

_'Loki of Asgard,' he hissed. 'Are you ready to accept our arrangement?'_

_'Yes,' Loki said. He was barely strong enough to remain upright. He Other's presence was like a thorn in his mind. It had not left him for what seemed like years. Whenever the Other drew particularly close, the pressure and pain increased._

_'You will bring us the Tesseract,' the Other ordered._

_'Yes.'_

_'And in return you will have your revenge on your brother.'_

_'Not my brother,' Loki corrected._

_'Mmm, I see your mind, Asgardian,' the Other leaned down to whisper in his ear, making Loki flinch. 'You are not so certain of that.'_

_'I want nothing more than to destroy him,' Loki insisted. 'Through the destruction of his precious Midgard.'_

_'You will have its destruction,' the Other promised. 'The Chitauri army is ready.'_

_'When will I be able to leave?'_

_'Only when you fully understand your own mind, and that it belongs to us.'_

_The Other placed both hands on both of Loki's temples. Loki opened his mouth wide in a silent scream._

Loki rolled over on the sofa, vomiting the little bowl of food he had received the day before. It left a grey puddle on the floor. He heaved in gulps of air, trying to dispel the dream. The new prisoner who had replaced the one Loki had killed got curious and stood close to their shared wall. 

'What were you dreaming about?' he asked. He was a warrior of Alfheim, though his tribe often fought with the King's forces. He had been part of a group determined to steal weapons and magics from Vanaheim. He had killed many innocents in the attempt, with great pleasure. Brought here as a personal favour to Lord Fray, many guards had tried to ask him what the true nature of his crimes were. He was a Light Elf, with long blond hair and sharp features. He had a hideous scar running from his left ear across his chin and down his neck. 

'None of your business,' Loki wheezed, aware he was showing his backside to the elf. 

'You were screaming for someone to believe you.' 

Loki gazed down at the content of his stomach, aware this would mean he would get even weaker. He had a feeling no one would bother cleaning it. The smell was already choking him. He got up, then hesitated, but he was beyond modesty, even with the new prisoner. He got up and went to the glass wall, very aware of the elf's gaze on him. He touched the forcefield, flinching at its zap. The noise caught the guard's attention. 

'Please, I need water,' Loki said. His throat was raw from throwing up bile. 

'No extra water,' the guard said, turning away. Loki sighed. It had been pointless to ask. He went back to the sofa, looked at the mess, and decided to go sit against the inner wall for a while. 

'I heard you froze a man's cock off,' the elf continued. 'I would risk it, just to have you moaning under me.' 

'Go away,' Loki muttered, hugging his knees close. He wished for clothes. 

'I hear you love every minute of it,' the elf goaded. 'Even with the whole prison watching. Can't wait for your next show. I hear you come like a bilgesnipe, spraying yourself all over. Is that how all Jotuns are?' 

'I hear Light Elves mount their mounts on long journeys,' Loki shot back. 'Are you all that desperate?' 

'I can wait,' the elf said, his meaning pointedly obvious. He left him alone at last. Loki pressed his face to his knees. 

Four days passed and Loki was feeling the loss of nourishment and water. He didn't bother getting up again, and simply lay down by the wall. Maybe his destiny was to escape this prison through his death. Niffleheim awaited him. Even as a child he had doubted he would ever reach Valhalla. 

Fandral appeared, together with Hogun, Volstagg, and to Loki's horror, the Lady Sif. She regarded him curiously, and looked at the mess with distaste. 

'How long ago did this happen?' Fandral asked the guard. 

'Uh, four days ago maybe?' 

'Have it cleaned.' 

'Yes, My Lord Fandral.' 

'Well, what do you think?' Fandral asked Sif. She stepped forward and rounded the sofa to get a better look at him. Loki kept his position and refused to look up. Unfortunately, curiosity got the better of him and he dared a glance. 

She looked... impressed? Disgusted? Happy? Loki was powerless to read her. 

'You have finally revealed your true self, Loki,' she said. 'This place is perfect for you. A cold prison. With an audience for your antics. I'm told you love it.' The last was half directed to Fandral, who laughed in agreement. 

'And Thor approves,' Fandral added. 'He found us coupling. Loki was begging me to take him. You should have seen the look on Thor's face. If he had any residual feelings for his “brother”, they are gone.' 

Loki tried not to let the words affect him. Thor had hated him for a long time. Before New York. The look in his eyes when they fought on the tower of Stark. Whatever Loki did in here, it couldn't make things worse between them. The only person- 

'What about the Queen?' Sif asked. 

'She's indifferent, like the Allfather,' Fandral dismissed. 

'Come on, let us begin,' Volstagg urged, ever impatient. Fandral signalled to one of the guards, who jogged away to fetch something. 

'Get up,' Fandral ordered. Loki closed his eyes for the briefest of moments to steel himself, then pushed himself up along the wall. Sif studied him closely. 

'We're ready, My Lord.' The guard had returned. 

'Good. Remove the sofa.' The guards did so. Fandral approached him, leaning against the wall right next to him like he was about to chat him up. Loki closed his eyes. Please, just rape me, he begged. Strap me down and rape me. 

Fandral trailed his fingers down Loki's side, across a nipple. Loki used all his willpower to not flinch away. Fandral's hand was so warm. He placed it firmly on Loki's stomach. It rumbled as if in greeting.

'Are you hungry?' Fandral asked. Loki nodded jerkily. Fandral removed his hand, and suddenly, an apple was right in front of him. He gasped and lunged for it, sinking his teeth into it immediately, ignoring Fandral's humming laughter. As he ate, he glanced up and saw Sif's wide-eyed stare. He couldn't care – the apple drew him back from death, and finally removed the acid taste in his mouth. The water in the apple soothed his every nerve ending, like a sunrise on his mind. He sighed as he chewed as quickly as his tired jaw would allow. 

As he gobbled down the last few bites, he realised Fandral had continued his ministrations on his stomach, drawing lazy circled lower and lower. He leaned in once Loki was finished and did something unexpected: he kissed his neck. Loki stiffened at the soft gesture. Fandral's lips peppered his neck with little flower-kisses the ladies no doubt fawned over. It tickled and soothed, but Loki tried not to notice. Fandral's hand was at his member. Fandral gently teased a line down it with his thumb. 

'No, please,' Loki whispered, jerking his head away from Fandral, who only took advantage of the exposed skin to kiss it more wetly. He gripped Loki's member properly, pumping it a few times with little results. 

'He does like it,' Sif said with mild disgust. 'You've broken him very easily.' 

'He's not quite there yet,' Fandral whispered. 'I have another present for you.' He withdrew abruptly and walked out of the cell. The other Warriors followed. Loki frowned at them. What was this? They all took up a position outside the cell, waiting. Loki swallowed. What were they watching for? 

'Bring him,' Fandral ordered. 'You have a visitor, Jotun!' he called. Loki watched as a crowd of guards led a prisoner forward. A normal prisoner might be lost in the sea of them, but this one stood out. 

'No, no, nonono.' Loki pressed himself into the wall, heart jumping to his throat at the sight of the blue skin. The Frost Giant towered over the guards. He had a collar, with four rods attacked wielded by the biggest guards. He wasn't as ugly as a Frost Giant could be. He was relatively young, with the typical markings, red eyes and a flat nose. He didn't seem particularly interested in the proceedings and did as directed. 

The cell opened and the rods were detached, the Jotun led inside the cell. Loki was frozen to the spot, though the Jotun had not glanced at him. One guard removed the Jotun's chains, then they all scurried out. 

'Remember our deal,' Fandral called. 'Don't kill him.' The Jotun finally turned to look at Loki. 

'This is the Trickster?' he said with clear skepticism. 'This is the Jotun in disguise?' 

'Touch him and you'll see,' Fandral called. The Jotun's eyes narrowed and he approached. 

'No, get away from me,' Loki backed into the far corner, but couldn't touch the wall due to the forcefield. He looked up to see the elf standing right next to him, grinning through the glass. The Jotun kept coming. Loki ducked and slipped under the his grasp, but he was quick. He spun, arm out, and hit Loki hard, who flopped to the floor like a doll. Though he was energised by the apple, the Jotun was a tower of muscle and clearly newly captured. Loki began to scramble away, but a hand bigger than his face grabbed his ankle. He twisted, intending to kick at the Jotun, but the giant caught his other ankle as well, kneeling. He stopped short, gazing at Loki's legs. 

'No!' Loki tried to struggle, but it was like pulling against taunt chains, and the Jotun didn't even seem to feel his tugs. 

Blue spread up his legs, and the cold with it. Like the other times Loki had turned his true colour, the cold wasn't unpleasant like when he was normally cold. It just felt normal, like he was suppose to feel, which was worse. The Jotun looked him up and down, curious. Loki was completely blue, and it wasn't like his escape the last time, or with the Casket of Winters. He stayed blue without his control. Both the prisoners and guards were frozen at the sight. 

'Laufeyson,' the Jotun rumbled, though Loki couldn't tell if there was an accusation in the name. 

'No,' he spat. 'Let go.' 

'I would like nothing more than to challenge you to single combat in reparation for your cowardly murder of our King, and your Father,' the Jotun said. 'But I have sworn not to kill you. They said I could... have you, any way I wished.' 

'Get on with it!' someone from the audience called. The Jotun did not react, and kept his eyes locked on Loki. 

'Your shape is enticing to me,' the Jotun continued. Loki tensed up, ready to kick again at any sign of the Jotun's grip slackening. 'The thought of showing you how to mate like a Jotun is tempting, but unlike Asgardians, Jotun do not practice the art of rape.' He let go of Loki's legs and stood. Loki held his breath, ready for the Jotun to reveal his trickery. But, Loki's rational mind pointed out, Jotuns despised such games. 

Loki's colour was slowly changing back. The Jotun looked almost sad. 

'The Allfather's curse is truly a horror to behold.' 

'What are you doing?!' Fandral yelled. 'Why did you agree to this if you had no intention of doing anything?' 

'I wished to see Loki Laufeyson for myself, but this is no son of Laufey,' he said, again he looked down on Loki with some form of sadness. 'He has been corrupted by Asgardians, and others, for far too long.' 

'Others?' Loki said softy. 

'Others,' the Jotun agreed. The word sent shivers down Loki's spine. The door to the cell opened and guards flooded inside. Fandral walked to the front of the group and surveyed the scene. 

'Kill the Jotun,' he ordered. The Frost Giant straightened, but otherwise did not move to a defensive position. 

'No!' Loki leapt to his feet, stepping in front of the Jotun. 'You can't just kill prisoners.' 

'Why not? You did,' Fandral scoffed. 'A Jotun defending a Jotun. Step aside, Loki, or things will become very difficult for you.' 

The Jotun placed a heavy hand on Loki's shoulder, turning him blue again. The coldness shielded him, making his nakedness not seem so bad. 

'Step aside,' the Frost Giant said. 'I want no protection from you.' To Fandral he said, 'Your actions are cowardly, but as Jotun I will face your death without a fight, so your cowardice will be known.' 

Fandral didn't seem to care about the speech and gestured to the guards. They fastened the rods on the Jotun's neck and led him away. Fandral's eyes were on Loki now. 

'Come here.' Loki obeyed, bracing for pain. Fandral grabbed a chunk of his hair and forced his face close. 'Since you don't want to “mate” with your kind, you can have a bit of fun with some other prisoner. Now, if you try that blue trick again, I will have your skin burned off again and again, until it stops turning blue. Then I will bring Frigga down here to see you beg for release under my hand. Is that understood?' Loki nodded as much as his position permitted him. Fandral dragged him to the neighbouring cell with the elf, who was already standing far back from the glass in preparation. The door opened and Loki was tossed inside again. This time, he would try a different tactic. He lay still. 

The elf stood over him, nudging him with his foot. 

'Oh, I don't care what strategy you employ, Jotun,' he said. 'I'll have you either way.' He bent down and turned Loki over, and received a kick in his balls for his trouble. He doubled over in pain, landing right on Loki, who tried to push him off, but he was so weak even the weight of the elf was too much. The energy of Idun's apple was already gone from his mind – it was as if the coldness had burnt it away. The elf groaned and propped himself up, pushing a grin through his pain. 'That wasn't a very nice way to say hello.' He used his legs to spread Loki's.

Loki tried to punch and push him, but the elf soon had both his wrists in a tight grip, pressed to the floor above his head. The elf used one hand to undo his trousers, then raised Loki's hips slightly. 

Loki tried to head butt him, and wriggle away, then to bite him and spit on him, but the elf's stiff cock speared him still. It hurt more than ever before. Loki gritted his teeth as the elf gave a breathy chuckle and pushed extra hard to get all the way in. 'There we go,' he said. He thrust once, repositioned himself to gain leverage, then realised how difficult it was while holding Loki's wrists due to the length of his body. He grunted.

Then he let go of Loki's wrists, taking both of Loki's legs and throwing them over his shoulder. He repositioned himself and thrust properly. Loki, shocked or surprised by the elf's complete lack of caring, went limp. He should struggle, but that would just give him more pain, and his captors more pleasure. He bit his lip and made the decision not to move. 

The elf started rutting and grunting, eyes closed in pleasure. Loki tried not to feel the elf's cock inside him, but his body was so used to growing hard with a cock in his ass, even with the pain. He felt his body arch before he could stop himself, and the pain tipped over into pleasure. The elf slid in easily now, and he moaned. Loki closed his eyes and – with utter self-loathing – let out a whimper. 

Abruptly, the elf withdrew, the sudden emptiness inside painful to Loki. 'Hands and knees,' the elf ordered and Loki rolled over and went into position as if it had been Fandral. By the elf's colouring and stature, he might as well be. 

The elf took hold of Loki's hips and slid back inside, setting a good rhythm with a great sigh. Loki didn't know why he did it – to torture himself more? - but he glanced up. Most of the guards had left with the Jotun, but the Warriors Three remained, even Sif. Fandral was closest, leaning against the corner column with a smirk. Loki looked over to the prisoner opposite and saw him pleasuring himself to the sight of them. Loki quickly bowed his head, flushing in shame, especially at the way his own cock had suddenly jumped to full attention. 

'Such a perfect Jotun whore,' the elf grunted. 'I think I'll have you in every way.' He pulled out once again and Loki turned to look. The elf had sat down in his chair, and was beckoning to him. Loki went, straddling him. The elf looked down at his stiff cock with actual surprise. 'Truly a good whore,' he admired, taking Loki in hand and teasing the tip. Loki whimpered again, scooting closer and up to get the elf to pierce him again. He reached back to do it himself. 'Easy, patience,' the elf soothed. He let Loki sit down on him, and released Loki's cock in favour of gripping his hips and beginning to thrust, much harder than before. Loki gasped and bounced as best he could in his weakened state. 

He would come like this, he realised. He would orgasm in the lap of some random elf, like a proper real whore doing as he was told. The pleasure was his prison as much as the pain or hunger. Should he make it painful for himself to spare himself the humiliation? He was so far beyond modesty at this point. 

He would take the pleasure. 

'Yes,' the elf groaned as he came. Loki had not come, to his surprise. The elf didn't care and pushed him off to the floor. 'Take care of yourself, whore.' He got up and walked to the far end so Fandral could open the door. He did so, and waited for Loki to crawl back inside. The sofa had been put back. 

'Disgusting,' Sif muttered and left. Hogun followed her. Volstagg and Fandral seemed to exchange a glance. He took hold of Loki's hair and dragged him to the sofa. Loki cried out in pain. He left a trail of blood in his wake. Fandral sat down and hauled Loki across his lap, and before Loki knew what was happening he had let loose several stinging blows to his backside. 

'Ah!' Loki cried out in surprise. Volstagg was chuckling happily at the sight, saying something about naughty Jotuns, the way a ten-year-old might tease. Fandral continued the assault until Loki was red and blistering. He was pushed off, and cried out when his buttocks hit the floor. Fandral stopped him rolling over by placing his boot on Loki's chest. 

'Take care of yourself, whore.' The words made no sense until Loki realised he was still hard, and painfully so. He closed his eyes and shook his head desperately, tears slipping down his cheeks. He thought back to the simple ruts against the wall with fondness now. 'Do it.' Loki reached down and touched himself. In desperation he decided to just get it over with and pumped furiously. 

'He's shameless,' Volstagg declared. Loki couldn't understand how he could still burn red with embarrassment, but he did so, and his whimpers of pleasure made it all the worse. 

His orgasm was painful, and Fandral laughed at him before getting up. 'We'll be back with new tricks, don't worry, God of Mischief. I'll find a Jotun who's less... honorable.' The word sounded odd on his tongue. Volstagg gave Loki a kick in the stomach on the way out. 

'When will it be my turn,' a voice from another cell grumbled. 'Me first!' another cried. 'Which do you want, Jotun?' Loki curled up where he lay and covered his ears. 

XXX 

He was sleeping without dreaming for once, and didn't wake up before he felt something very strange. 

The anti-magic barrier had fallen. He woke fully with a gasp, sitting up on the sofa as his magic enveloped him like a blanket. The regular forcefield was still in effect, but within its walls he could use magic! 

The door opened and Fandral stepped inside. He held something in his hands, which he tossed at Loki. A simple, green tunic and brown leather trousers. 'Put them on, and don't even think about exposing... anything.' He spun on his heel, and Loki wasted no time in pulling on his clothes. The feeling of magic and clothes was almost too pleasurable to bear. He sighed and felt tears prickling his eyes. 

He used his magic to clean himself as best he could, as well as several disgusting stains on the sofa that had accumulated. 

A guard knocked on the forcefield with his spear. 'You have a visitor,' he said, before disappearing. Loki didn't understand, rising and walking close to the other wall. He saw no one coming down the hallway, no visitors in sight. 

'Loki.' He spun at the sound. 

Frigga was in his cell – a phantom of her, yes, but she was here. She could see him, hear him. He drank in the sight of her, though her face was far from joyful at seeing her son again. 'Loki,' she gasped. 'You look- what have they done to you?' 

It was too late to work his magic now. He straightened, coming closer and smiling as best he could. 

'They are treating me as a prisoner,' he explained. 'What did you think would happen?' He regretted the words immediately. A part of him hated her for not insisting on coming sooner, the other desperately wanted to scream all of the Warriors' sins to her. But that would mean confessing his own. Most of all he wished to touch her. 

'Not like this,' Frigga said, covering her mouth. 'Odin promised you would have comforts.' 

'I do not want comforts,' Loki snapped. 'They are useless to me.' 

'But you aren't being fed properly.' 

'I am Jotun, we need very little.' 

'You are my son-' 

'No!' Loki's magic, having been contained so long, sparked and the sofa was slammed against the wall, breaking apart. Why was he saying these things? He wanted to embrace his mother, not scream at her. 'I am Loki Laufeyson, prisoner of Asgard. Nothing more.' 

'Then hear this,' Frigga said, her eyes watering. 'I love you, Loki Laufeyson, and Odinson, and my son. I will speak to Odin.' 

'I do not care what you do,' Loki snarled. 'Just get out of my sight.' 

Frigga disappeared. Loki sank to his knees, tears falling freely. 

XXX 

The next day there were several new prisoners, far more than had ever before been held in the strongest prison. The prisoners had to share cells, though none with Loki. The old prisoners told of his “adventures” at once, and soon all the new prisoners were almost pressed up against the walls to catcall and bid him take off his clothes. Loki clung to them like a shield, and remained sitting against the inner wall. There was one prisoner, however, who said nothing. He was a great beast of a man, especially for a Dark Elf. Loki eyed him from across the hallway. With his magic and clothes returned, something of his old self awakened, and he was fully convinced something was about to happen. 

When the explosions were heard, and the guards started running about like panicked mice, Loki kept watching the prisoner. Then, he acted. He burned through the forcefield and the other prisoners sprang forth. He then unlocked all the other cells, save Loki's. 

As he passed by the cell he stared at him.

'I believe you will be wanting the stairs to your left,' Loki told him, knowing nothing could convince him to release the infamous Jotun whore. The elf said nothing and moved on. Loki spent the rest of the battle counting off explosions and calculating their proximity. He was completely alone, all the guards having been killed or gone to fight. No one came to get him, or murder him while they had the perfect opportunity. Once the battle was over, Loki awaited the results.

With Asgard victorious, the prison was soon filled again, and for the first time, Loki was given the same rations as the others. 

When evening fell, a guard came and told him bluntly that the Queen had fallen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter assumed the reader has seen Thor The Dark World. It is not essential to the plot of this story, but some scenes are described with so little detail it might be hard to infer what happened without that knowledge.

The day of his mother's funeral, when all of Asgard should have been either in mourning or preparing for a counter-strike, Loki found himself on the receiving end of a knock to the head. 

He awoke with a splitting headache, on his back, his skin burning – no freezing – he opened his eyes and found himself in a holding cell. It was much like his regular cell, only with four glass walls and about half the size. 

He realised the freezing came from the fact that he was lying on a block of ice. It filled the entire bottom of the cell, leaving him about a meter above the floor. 

In a corner of the cell was the Jotun from before. He sat on an ice stool he had probably constructed himself. His red eyes watched Loki with interest. 

'What, what's going on?' Loki asked. He had for a moment hoped Thor would come to him, tell him what had happened, maybe even let him go to the funeral, but no, of course not. 

The room beyond the glass cage was empty, but he did not doubt they were being watched. The mirrors on the walls were often used to observe prisoners when they thought they were alone. 

'They made me another offer,' the Jotun said. 

'You said you wouldn't!' Loki sat up, wincing at the cold. His skin was red everywhere it had touched the ice. He scooted away. Why was the thought of this pain so much worse than having Fandral spank him or Hogun burn him? Perhaps because he knew what they would say, how it would prove his place, and of course: the sickening prospect of him enjoying sex with a Jotun. 

'I have no doubt they would have found a Jotun who would be only too happy to take the murderer Loki by force. I thought I might teach you instead. It will be pleasurable.' 

'Get away.' Loki tried to stand, but the ice was so slippery he fell hard. His bones felt brittle, and he groaned in pain. He felt his eyes sting with the threat of tears. No, not so soon, he thought desperately. 

'You can not even move on the ice like a Jotun,' the Frost Giant said. 

'I am not a Jotun,' Loki said. He flopped down again, ignoring the pain, and stared up at the ceiling. 'I am nothing.' It was true. As far as he was concerned, he had just lost the last of what kept him tied to this world. 

'Pity is dishonourable. There is strength in you yet.' 

'Why do you care?' 

'I do not. I would have you.' 

'Have me, like a Jotun?' 

'You know not what you mock.' 

'I wasn't-' He sighed and sat up, staring at the Frost Giant. He was big. From the angle, his loincloth was high enough to see under, but shadows obscured whatever hid there. Loki swallowed at the thought. It would be too big, surely? Damn, now he was curious. No, he wouldn't. What would happen if he refused? Would this Jotun force him. The picture that conjured in his mind was horrifying. Fandral hadn't killed him after all last time, but he would die if he failed to entertain them this time. Maybe if Loki complied the show wouldn't be as entertaining for the audience? 

He pushed himself to his feet carefully, wobbling slightly, and took measured steps towards the Jotun, who waited patiently. Loki reached out and the Jotun took his hand to steady him. His skin turned blue and Loki couldn't help the sigh of relief as the painful cold disappeared and the good cold sealed him in. 

The Jotun pulled him into his lap. Loki felt like a child, but it wasn't unpleasant. Yet. The Jotun's skin was surprisingly smooth between his markings. Abruptly, the giant leaned down and pressed his nose to Loki's neck, startling him. He sat stiffly as the Jotun smelled him. Animals, Loki thought, hoping the Jotun couldn't feel his heart speed up. Then, Loki shivered in surprise. 

The Jotun had licked him. Loki gasped as he did it again. This wasn't a normal reaction. Something – was it his tongue? Loki's brain got muddled as the Jotun licked down his arm, following his markings. 

'What's happening to me?' Loki asked. His skin was tingling all over, and he could no longer feel if he was hot or cold. He was just full of sensation. Was it the Jotun's tongue? His thoughts repeated themselves. Loki tried to concentrate, and realised it didn't feel like a normal, flat tongue. 'Let me see.' The Jotun withdrew and Loki pressed his fingers in, prying the mouth open. The tongue had ridges of some sort. Loki pulled out his hand, putting his fingers inside his own mouth and feeling the same ridges. How had he not notice before? He stared wide-eyes at the Jotun, tracing his ridges. 

They were the same. 

The thought terrified him, yet he was sure he had never been so aroused. 

'The licking prepares you,' the Jotun explained. 

'Prepares?' Loki's head was swimming. His skin felt flushed, though he didn't see any colour difference. 

'When Jotun mate, one elects to be the female in the coupling. This is how we prepare.'

'Oh.' Loki couldn't stop staring at the Jotun's mouth. He had read many texts over the years about Jotuns' abilities in battle, but nothing about this. Wasn't Jotun mating suppose to be beastly? 'Could you... do more?' The Jotun bent his head and licked Loki's chest. It felt heavenly. The rest of the world faded. He was scooped up and placed on the ice. The Jotun began by his feet, licking and stroking up his legs, not touching his private parts yet, and up his sides, following his markings occasionally, but other times concentrating on a spot Loki moaned at. 

He turned Loki over and licked his back, down to his buttocks. Loki realised too late what was going to happen and cried out when the Jotun pressed his ridged tongue to his hole. It was like electricity and softness at the same time. He pushed back against the Jotun shamelessly. The Jotun pushed all the way inside, and Loki's eyes rolled back in his head. He was shaking. 'More,' he moaned. 'Please, more.' 

The Jotun stopped, and Loki almost yelled at him. Then he was picked up again. The Jotun sat down, placing Loki back on his lap. He started removing his loincloth, and Loki held his breath as the Giant's cock was revealed. He was fully hard, and in many ways resembled an Asgard in shape. Except for the lack of hair. 

'It's too big.' 

'You are Jotun. Small, yes, but pliant.' Loki reached out before he could stop himself. He didn't know if it felt warm or cold, but it was very hard and smooth, and pulsed in his hand. 'Your body is ready.' The Jotun moved him to a straddling position and Loki grabbed at the Giant's neck. He didn't want to look down. It was impossible to read the Jotun's expression, but when his cock pressed against Loki's opening he grimaced with what Loki assumed was pleasure. Loki almost shied away, terrified and aroused in equal measure, but his skin still tingled, and there was no pain. They were the exact same temperature, Loki realised, and the cock slid inside him slow and painless. He let out a loud 'oh,' as it kept going past where an Asgard's cock would stop. Up and up, stretching him, until at last Loki was filled all the way. It felt, almost, right. His legs were completely spread due to the Jotun's wide legs, and it was a very vulnerable position, but it felt so damn good, Loki never wanted it out of him. He tried not to imagine what it looked like from the other side of those mirrors. 

The Jotun grunted in a way Loki interpreted as “I told you so” and Loki gave a breathy chuckle. He lifted his arm to his face and licked at it himself. It tingled. Not as much as when the Jotun did it, but still far more than a normal lick would. The Jotun took his arm and licked it for him. The combination of tongue and cock was delicious. 

'What happens if...?' Loki leaned up, stretching his neck. The Jotun met him halfway, and Loki stuck his tongue in the Jotun's mouth. That was the best thing yet. Their tongues danced and sparked. The Jotun started moving, thrusting slow, but impossibly deep. Loki moved in counterpoint to increase the speed. The need built up inside him – he started scratching at the Jotun's chest. The Jotun's arms went around him, helping him rise and fall on his cock. 'More,' he begged, diving in for more tongue. 'Faster,' he ordered on the next breath, but the Jotun did not oblige. Loki sucked on his tongue in desperation, practically mewling. Beastly indeed. There were tears in the corner of his eyes. He had never needed to orgasm so badly in his life. 

The Jotun broke their “kiss” to grunt, grabbing Loki's hips in a steel grip, and finally fucked him raw. Loki just held on for dear life. He threw his head back and screamed as he came. The Jotun orgasmed with the same low grunt. Loki collapsed against his chest, his own heaving. 

'I knew you would be worth having,' the Jotun grumbled in what amounted to satisfaction. Loki laughed breathily. Slowly, however, the world returned, along with his senses. Tears pricked his eyes and he wanted to scream, maybe even kill the Jotun he was leaning against. How dare he- what? Make him forget, even for a second. He didn't want to imagine what their audience was thinking. Animals rutting was his best guess. 

The Frost Giant said nothing and did not move until the guards came to get him. They hit Loki with a stunning weapon, and his world went blissfully black. 

XXX

Thor approached the cell slowly, even though he knew no one was in there with Loki. He didn't know what he expected. He knew – or he hoped – that Loki still had some fondness for Mother, but he had no idea how his brother would react to her death. 

He scanned the cell curiously. The one piece of furniture was in a broken heap, and next to it Loki sat against the wall. He was hugging his knees to his chest, his head down. His hair, usually so sleek and beautiful, was in a complete mess. Thor stepped up to the glass. He tried not to worry, to keep his suspicion and caution close to his heart, but Loki looked utterly broken. 

'Loki,' Thor began, but words failed him when Loki raised his head. His was dangerously thin and pale, with dark circles under his eyes. Eyes which were filled with... nothing. How could he ask for Loki's help in his condition? The full force of his neglect hit him, his stomach turning. How had he let them treat his own brother like this? Thor hadn't wanted to think of his brother, his continued betrayal too painful. Every time he had been about to visit him, images of his madness in New York clouded Thor's mind. Odin had said they should leave Loki to his thought for a time, but Thor had not realise he would only have his thoughts, and nothing else. His crimes were terrible, but this was not justice. Thor's mind clogged with guilt. 

'Loki...' he tried again. 

'You must truly,' Loki took a deep breath, like it was difficult for him to breathe. His voice sounded raw, like he had been screaming for hours. 'Truly be desperate,' he continued. 'To come to me for help.' 

'I am, Loki. We all are.' Thor closed his eyes. 'I didn't know they were keeping you like this.' 

'Of course you didn't,' Loki said, like you would to a child who had made a silly mistake and gotten upset. 'You just threw away the key.' 

'I-, I can see you are in a weakened state, but there are bigger things at work. You can curse me all you want, later, but right now I need your help.' 

'I have no interest in cursing you,' Loki said. 'Or helping you.' 

'You have ways,' Thor lowered his voice. 'Of leaving Asgard.' Loki raised his eyebrow. 'I am not offering you freedom,' Thor said. 'But I promise you if you help me I won't let them treat you like this.' 

'Like this,' Loki repeated. Thor frowned at the words. It was an odd thing to fixate on. Loki seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment. Finally he met Thor's gaze. 

'When do we start?' 

'At once,' Thor said, relieved, but he forced himself to speak the next words. 'I must warn you. If you betray me, I will-' but he couldn't make the threat. Loki looked too pathetic. Would he even be able to help them? Loki understood Thor's hesitation and pushed himself up the wall. He stood and walked straight to Thor, without a wobble in his step. He was thin, painfully so. 

'Bring me an Idun's apple, and water,' he rasped. 'And I will do as you ask.' From this distance Thor could see the tear tracts, and his heart clenched. His brother was still inside this wraith, and he had mourned their mother with him. Thor nodded and hurried away to fetch what was needed. 

XXX 

Their plan worked perfectly – or rather, it was a disaster, but it had been going perfectly right up until that point. When Loki “betrayed” Thor, Malekith questioned his motives. The giant elf beside him, the one who had not released Loki from the prison when he had had the chance, stepped forward to “vouch” for him. Had Loki not known Thor was perfectly fine and hearing every word, he might have been grateful. 

'He was a prisoner of Asgard,' the Dark Elf said. 'The other prisoners called him their prison toy. The guards would rape him daily, according to the stories.' Loki's face froze at the words. Malekith didn't appear pitying or disgusted, but merely nodded and accepted Loki's motives for betrayal. 

From that point, things did not go smoothly, and Loki made the added mistake of trying to fight in his weakened state. He was knocked unconscious almost immediately. When he came to, he briefly wondered if he was dead, but the sound of Thor's cries dissuaded him of that notion. 

Then a thought occurred to him. He quickly masked his vital signs, making him appear dead. Thor was at his side a second later. 

'Loki,' he cried, and there was clear despair in his voice, on a level Loki had not expected. He almost lifted the spell, but he forced himself to stay still. 'Loki, no, please, Loki.' Thor's anguish shocked him. 'Please, wake up, wake up, Loki. Loki!' He shook him hard. 'No...'

'Thor,' Jane Foster said. 'We have to go.' 

'I know.' Thor hugged Loki to him. 'I'm so sorry, brother,' he whispered in his ear. 'I will return for you.' He placed him down gently and ran off. 

Loki stayed still for several minutes, but eventually rose, finding the desert planet empty save for the bodies of the dead. He hesitated, indecisive with his sudden freedom. 

He was weak. He was exposed. If he wasn't very careful with where he went, they would find him. 

_We will make you long for something as sweet as pain._

He debated going to Midgard, but he would be at risk there even more so than in the other Nine Realms. They would be scanning for signs of magical energy. Perhaps Vanaheim, there were plenty of magic users there. No, he couldn't get there easily from here. Too much movement between worlds might allow them to locate him. 

There was one place. A ridiculous idea. Hysterical, but the longer he stood unmoving, the more he realised the only place to go was back. 

Back to Asgard. Not to prison, but somewhere he could hide from everything, just until his strength returned. He hurried back to the rift and followed it through. 

He made sure to remain hidden from Heimdal, but unfortunately it was sapping a lot of his power. To conserve energy, he made his way on foot down the mountain where the rift was hidden. He reached the shores of a long, deep lake and decided to follow the shoreline away from the city. He spied a forest, and beyond that was looked like a village tucked into a bay. He had not explored all the villages on Asgard, but he had walked her forests. If he could find a suitable cave higher up in the mountains, he could find food in the forest, and remain hidden. The thought sounded almost peaceful. 

The forest was tall, old and dense, with little undergrowth. He found a spot where the ground became more rocky as the mountain rose. There was a wide flat area in front of a cave, perfect for a fire. He crawled into the cave, made himself as comfortable as the stone would permit him, and breathed out for the first time in what felt like ages. He couldn't relax completely without alerting Heimdal, but he could rest enough to cast a spell that would stay active while he slept properly. All he needed was a little energy, a little rest. 

He almost dozed off, but shocked himself awake with images of the prison. 

It wasn't until an hour after nightfall that he heard movement in the forest. Not the sound of animals – voices. 

Several male voices. 

Loki knew he wasn't strong enough to fight them with magic and keep the spell to shield his presence. He would have to fight them physically, though if they were many he would be overpowered easily. Hopefully, they might pass right by... 

'Shh,' one said.

'What?' another spat. 

'Someone has been here,' the first said. 'Recently.' 

'Damn, you're good. I can't see a thing in this dark.' 

'Elves,' a third voice grunted derisively. 

'I said shh! There's a smell too.'

'Asgardian or animal?' 

'Asgardian, but there's a stench to him I think- I've smelled it before.' 

Silence. If he remained still it was likely they would find him and he would be an easy target in the cave. He braced himself, then he sprang out. He didn't bother sizing them up, he just picked a direction and ran. He only got about four steps before he got hit with something hard, right in the back of his head. He cursed and stumbled, dizzy and fearful that his spell might fall and Heimdal's eye would be upon him. He fell backwards, the wind going out of him. 

'By the Allfather himself,' the first voice laughed. 'I knew I knew that smell!' 

He opened his eyes to the elf who had raped him, three other Asgardian ex-prisoners surrounding him. Seems he wasn't the only one who had decided the forest was the ideal place to hide. 

'I was always too far down the hall,' one of them said. They were all burly sort of men, with scars for skin and threads for clothes. 'I never got to see the show.' 

'You will now. Tie him up.' They grabbed him together, pulling him to his feet. Loki elbowed one in the face, then kicked one in the crouch. A knife was pressed to his throat – the elf was at his back. His defeat was easy, he was weakening every second he remained standing and the spell was in effect. 

'Easy now,' the elf murmured in his ear. 'Don't get all excited. Tie him up.' They bound his wrists and ankles together, then pushed him down on the ground. They set about making camp, ignoring him for the most part. Loki struggled against the ropes, but these were professional thieves and murderers, and while they might not be that smart, they could tie a knot. In desperation he gnawed at the rope with his teeth. 

A fire was soon going, and the prisoners roasted some animal they had caught in the woods. The smell of it filled Loki's nostrils. He had not had solid food for months except three of Idun's apples. His mouth watered. The Light Elf sat closest to where he lay and speared some of the meat with his knife, showing it to him. 

'Are you hungry, Jotun?' he asked teasingly. Loki gave no answer. 'How about we make a deal? You do as I command, like the whore you are, and we feed you.' 

'Why should we bother with deals?' one of the men said, rising and moving towards Loki. 'I will have him now.' He turned Loki over on his stomach and straddled his thighs. He undid Loki's belt by cutting it off, then pulled his trousers down, exposing just his buttocks to the cool air. Loki closed his eyes and pressed his face to the cold earth. It seemed he could not escape this punishment. It would follow him everywhere. 

If he let go of the spell, however, he would have enough strength to blast all four away. That would mean Heimdal's eye would find him. Fandral would no doubt welcome him home. On the other hand, no one would know if he stayed here. Four prisoners in the forest. Surely they were preferable to a prison full of mockery and rape? The man pierced him suddenly, dry, and Loki gritted his teeth. This pain he could handle, though the temptation to let his magic fly was almost overpowering. 

He was fucked good. The man had a firm hold on Loki's hips and pulled his hole to him in long, punishing thrusts. He grunted and groaned like an animal. His entry was smoothed by what had to be blood. Loki gave not a sound. 

'Give me a try,' another said as the man grunted his completion. The man pulled out, handing Loki's hips over to the next one, and a new cock was inside him. It was smaller, and the pain disappeared, replaced by a mild stinging on each thrust. Loki ignored the taunts and praise, but could not ignore he was beginning to harden. No, he would not allow that. The man sighed as he finished. The third man took over, fucking Loki with quick and desperate thrusts. He pressed Loki to the ground, grinding Loki's own cock in the dirt, creating unwanted friction. Loki begged himself not to make a sound. 

By the time it was the elf's turn, Loki was filled with seed, and half-hard. The elf rolled him over and laughed softly at Loki's state. 'See, I told you you wasted yourself. If you just wanted any hole you could have taken one of the girls in the village.' He held his dagger up to Loki's face. 'Do you want our deal?' 

'Yes,' Loki accepted. The elf smirked and cut the ropes. He stood, pondering his next move, before retaking his seat by the fire, leaning back agains the side of a large rock. 'Come here.' Loki tugged his trousers up high enough to move comfortably, and crawled over. The men watched mesmerised as Loki undid the elf's fastenings and took out his cock, licking it like he knew Fandral liked to be licked. This seemed agreeable to the elf. 

'My good whore, have you missed me?' the elf sighed. Loki worked on him for a few minutes, until the elf was nice and slick. 

'Get up, take off your clothes.' Loki rose, wondering if this was his moment. Should he let loose and flee, hoping Heimdal was not paying attention to Asgard right now? The feeling of seed running down his legs stopped him for some reason. He began to remove his armour. In the forest, all was dark and hidden. 

Once naked the elf admired him in the firelight. The others judged him too skinny by far, but his skin was fair, and his ass good. The elf directed him to his hands and knees. He entered him accompanied by rude encouragement from the others, grabbing a first full of Loki's hair and riding him. 

'He really likes it. The stories were true.' 

'Shut up and watch.' 

Loki was hard now, and the elf reached round to help him along. 'No,' Loki let slip, bowing his head. The elf angled himself well, and hit the good spot inside, teasing the tip of his cock with his thumb. Then he gave him a long lick up his back, and Loki let loose a long moan, even though the lick was just a normal one. The elf picked up on it, and did it again. 'You like that?' he whispered, picking up speed. Loki whimpered. Curse that Jotun. The licks sent spikes of arousal through him. 

'Yes,' he moaned. The elf licked again, laughing breathlessly. 'Faster!' 

In his mind all he saw was the Jotun. Their blue skin sliding together, the tongue giving him so much pleasure. He wished for that place again. The only time he had been free of himself. 

'AAAARGH!' 

The elf fell backwards with a scream and the others jumped up in fear. Loki shook his head to clear it, realising what he'd done. As one of the men raised a spear, Loki sprang up and let loose his magic. 

They were thrown back with a mighty wind and all hit some tree on their way down the mountain. Loki didn't bother examining the elf, but removed what remained of him and got dressed. 

He ran down the mountain with his last burst of energy.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki ran on pure adrenaline, trying to breathe and not pass out from his exertions. The forest seemed endless, but he knew the shoreline was close. Several times he almost tripped and fell. For the first five minutes of running he could hear the elf's pitiful screams echoing through the mountains, but eventually they subsided, or he had put enough distance between them. 

He had put up the spell to shield himself against Heimdal, but it was so weak now, Loki honestly did not know if it was effective. 

Finally, he spotted blue between the trees, and burst out of the forest onto a thin strip of pebbled beach. He looked up and down the shoreline. In one direction he could see some of the city piercing the sky over the mountains. In the other lay the fishing village he had spied earlier. It was still night, but there were a few torches and crystals burning on the docks, and in a few windows. The moon was out, and with Loki's keen eyesight he had no problem finding his way. But which way? 

Perhaps he could get across the lake? He could see no settlements on that side. Once over he could maybe climb through a pass in the mountains. If he recalled correctly there was another lake, and another larger village there. Perhaps on his journey he could regain strength enough to create a disguise and hide in plain sight. 

He looked towards the fishing village, wondering if he was strong enough to steal a boat. The fact was, with the spell in effect, and the power of Idun's apple burned away again, he felt close to fainting. He closed his eyes and tears slipped out as despair cut into him. 

Visions of his homecoming danced in his mind. Fandral would take care to make it memorable. 

A noise caught his attention. Not just noise, magic. Loki spun around, searching the forest for any movement, but he couldn't see it. He raised his hand to cast a revealing charm, but that would sap all his energy, so he waited. The forest lay dark and seemingly empty. 

Another noise, a tiny shuffle of movement. Loki's heart raced. The men who had raped him in the forest couldn't be so quiet. He felt another brush of magic, and finally recognised it. The feeling sent ice through his heart. 

'No.' He backed away irrationally, stepping into the water and almost stumbling on a rock. He raised his hand, waiting to know where to strike, listening with every nerve in his body. 

_If you fail... there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where_ he _can't find you._

'Show yourself!' Loki screamed, almost choking on the words. 'Coward, show yourself!' 

When nothing came forward, Loki bent his knees while keeping one hand at the ready, and slipped a rock into his other hand. 

A shadow moved, and still Loki waited. It had been a feint to get him to reveal his strength. 

The fireball aimed at his head was not a feint. He ducked and stumbled, the water slowing him down. It was a Chitauri, but like him, like the Other, a powerful mage. Loki raised his other hand and threw the rock. It hit the Other right in the forehead. He made a cursing sound and a hand flew to the spot, either in surprise at the silly attack or in genuine pain. Loki took his opportunity and shot a blast of magic at him. The Other was shot back into a tree, breaking it, and the two next after that. Loki heaved in breaths, fearful he would pass out. He turned and ran towards the village. 

Only to stop short at two Others waiting for him, both in defensive stances. Loki almost screamed for mercy. 

_You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain._

'Come with us,' one of them called. 'He will be merciful.' 

'And Jotun like to sunbathe,' Loki said, half hysterical. 'You have come into Asgard itself!' he tried instead. 'You will not be permitted to leave.' 

'He knows your failure was deliberate,' the Other continued. 'You can still prove your usefulness.' 

'Deliberate?!' Loki almost passed out from the force of his outrage. 'How could anything I did be deliberate? It's not my fault your control of me clouded my abilities as well as my judgement.' 

'It is pointless to resist,' the Other hissed. He raised his hand to strike. 

A great blast of light shot down on them. They both wreathed in pain and screamed, shielding themselves from the light, but seemingly unable to move. Loki followed the source of the light to a boat hovering just above them in the air. At the bow stood Odin, casting his light down on the Others. Loki didn't know whether to weep or run. 

The Others were reduced to dust by the force of the light. Loki had to shield his eyes from it. He turned to look for the last one, but the forest was empty as far as he could see, and Loki suspected it had escaped. Should he do the same? He found himself unable to move as the boat slowly lowered to the shoreline. Odin was accompanied by Thor and Heimdal. 

Odin stepped off the boat about five meters away. Loki was swaying precariously, though he wasn't aware of it himself. To them, he looked like a true wraith. Pale, dangerously thin, clothes hastily pulled on, eyes sunken and empty, and hair thinning, he looked near death. 

'Loki,' Odin said, walking very slowly forward. Loki took a step back, closing his eyes to gather himself. 

'I surrender,' he announced. 'Take me back prison. I give up.' With those words he collapsed. 

XXX

He woke up with a flinch, having been dreaming of the prison and Fandral. He was not in prison, however. He was- 

He was in his room. Loki knew he had to dreaming. He was naked, but tucked into his bed as if this was a normal morning, long before the events that led to his downfall. He looked around. It was night, but it couldn't possibly be the same night. It felt like he had slept an age. The room was just as he had left it, which surprised him even more. The doors to his balcony were open, and a cool breeze made the beautiful curtains shimmer in their silver finery, just as he liked them to. 

At the end of the bed, several feet from where his body ended, a shape lay, or half-lay. It looked like someone had fallen asleep while sitting. He tensed, unsure of who it was, but as his eyes adjusted to the darkness he could detect the outline more clearly. It was Thor. He was without his armour for once, and looked peaceful. 

Had he fallen asleep while guarding Loki? It seemed unlikely for someone like Thor. Even more unlikely was it that Thor has chosen to stand guard at all. 

Why was he here and not in prison? 

Should he care? Why not just snuggle down and cling to this small comfort while it lasted? He did exactly that, and fell asleep almost immediately. 

When next he awoke, it was light, and Thor was still sleeping by his bed. It looked like a very awkward position, and Loki debated whether he should wake him and put an end to all this. 

He cleared his throat, but Thor slept on. This was ridiculous. Someone had to come at any moment and put Loki back where he belonged. Why should he be the one to remind them? He sighed. 

That's when Thor jumped up like a cat in a sudden shower. He spun this way and that, looking for an unseen attacker. Loki pulled the sheets up to his chin and made himself as small a target as possible, watching Thor with fear and fascination. The God of Thunder quickly realised he was not in danger and finally looked to Loki. 

'Loki,' he said with great relief. 'You're awake.' He walked up the side of the bed and sat down by Loki's side. 'Our healers were afraid for a moment you would not. They have been feeding you drops of Idun's apples every day.' 

'How long have I been asleep?' 

'A week.' A week in this room? Why? 'I will go fetch Father. He will want to know.' 

'Wait, no,' Loki begged before he could stop himself. Thor frowned. 

'There is much that needs to be said. Trust me, brother, you will want to hear it.' 

'No,' Loki protested. 'There is nothing I want to hear.' 

'Loki.' 

'Please, leave me alone.' He closed his eyes and waited. Thor did not move, which was expected. Perhaps now they would throw him back. 

'You are still very weak,' Thor conceded. 'I will leave you to rest. I should tell you that there are powerful wards on the doors, so do not try to leave without me or Father accompanying you.' 

'Leave? Leave how? Just tell me now before I go mad or wake up from this dream,' Loki pleaded. 'Why am I not in prison?' 

'Oh.' Thor blinked that way he used to do when they were younger and Loki understood something before him. That look that said he should have come at the problem completely differently. He sighed and rubbed his face like a tired old man. Loki waited for the answer by biting his lip to keep from screaming. 'I do not know how to begin. I should get Father... but Loki, you are not in prison because you have been pardoned of all your crimes.' 

'What?' Now he was absolutely certain it was all a dream. Tears pricked his eyes. He would awaken at any moment to the cell, and Fandral. Perhaps he would be tossed into the less secured prison to be enjoyed by all the prisoners together. He clung to the silken sheets, feeling the fabric and trying to imprint the sensation to his memory. 

'Loki,' Thor almost reached out, but hesitated. He looked very conflicted, and so very sad for some reason. Loki stared at him, daring him to disappear in a puff of dream smoke. 'Your crimes are pardoned. Father will explain. I will leave you to rest for now.' He got up abruptly and did just that. Loki listened to the door closing, then the soft breeze. He felt the sheets, and smelled flowers out on the balcony. They smelled fresh, but he couldn't see them from where he lay. He took in his room, the gilded furniture and desk filled with his parchments and books, as if he had been working there only yesterday. It all felt real, except that it was too good to be true. 

Defeated, he closed his eyes and accepted that when he awoke, it would be to reality. 

XXX 

As if Fate was taunting him, when he woke, he wasn't in prison, but he did have a visitor. 

Fandral. 

Loki pushed himself up and back, shying away instinctively. Fandral just smirked at his reaction, standing patiently at the end of the bed. 

'Good morning, Loki,' he greeted. 'You are looking much better.' Loki's breathing was already laboured. His head was swimming. Was this dream or reality? Surely his mind wouldn't be so cruel as to conjure up his tormentor in his most sacred place? 

'Fandral, please, don't,' he said, flushing at the pathetic sound of his voice. 

'Now, now, Loki,' Fandral soothed, coming round the bed and closer to Loki, who tensed. 'That is no way to say greet your lover.' 

'Go away. I'll scream.' 

'No, you won't,' Fandral said. 'Little girls scream when they lose their doll. You are going to moan and beg, and then not say a word, is that clear?' Loki knew it was true. He could no more scream for help than he could tell Thor what a whore he was. 

Fandral took the sheets and started pulling. Loki winced, resisting slightly, but eventually letting go and allowing Fandral to pull it from his body, exposing it. He didn't know it, but his colouring was better, though he was still far too thin. Fandral didn't seem to mind as he kneeled on the bed. 'Turn around,' he whispered. Loki wanted to punch him right in the face. He should. He almost raised his hand, but Fandral wasn't making any move to force him or prepare himself for a sneak attack. Because he knew he didn't need to. Loki closed his eyes and did as he was told. 

Fandral touched his thighs first, gliding his hand up to his ass, then using both hands to take his buttocks and massage them. Loki buried his head in the pillows. Fandral pulled his cheeks apart and Loki burned with shame as he felt arousal already pooling in his belly. For a long moment, Fandral simply stared at his opening, Loki's skin growing red with shame. He unconsciously spread his legs. Fandral leaned down and blew at the opening, and Loki shuddered. 

'Such a good whore,' Fandral whispered with slight awe. He stretched himself out next to Loki, pulling him close so they lay on their sides. His cold armour scratched at Loki's sensitive skin. He pushed Loki's top leg forward, then undid himself. 

He pressed to fingers to Loki's mouth suddenly. Loki took them in, sucking as much as he could manage. His eyes were stinging, but no tears fell. Fandral took the wet fingers and pressed them into Loki, who grimaced and pressed a pillow to his face, but his cock hardened further. 

Fandral sighed and took hold of Loki's hips, pushing in. 'Good to be home,' he said as he sheathed himself completely. Loki noticed that he didn't feel as big as he used to. He gave a long good thrust, then set a rather gentle rhythm. He was clearly in no hurry. Loki didn't want to, but the easy, gentle sliding of a cock in his ass made him hard, and he whimpered. Fandral petted his hair, making hushing noises in his ear. 

They had never fucked in Loki's room before. When they were younger it was always Fandral who cornered him somewhere hidden and fucked him quick up against a wall. It had felt shameful then, especially combined with the taunts about his feminine nature. Still, Loki could not deny he had wanted it at the time. 

He remembered Thor almost catching them several times. 

Thor could catch them now. Very easily. Loki was almost sick at the thought of going through that again. Then, a thought slowly emerged. Either this was a dream, and his mind was more cruel than he ever gave it credit for. Or, this was real, and he was letting Fandral rape him in his own bed, where at any moment Thor would come in and find them, and continue to believe Loki wanted Fandral, and that he was a good little Jotun whore. 

Had he not said at one point he would tear Fandral asunder, bone by bone, the moment he escaped prison? Where had that Loki gone? 

His pleasure was building, but it was a mechanical pleasure, detached from his mind. Fandral's was growing too, by the sound of his grunts. 

'Stop,' Loki said. Fandral chuckled. 'Stop,' Loki repeated. He raised his head and reached back. The angle was awkward, but he still managed to push at Fandral enough to interrupt his rhythm. 'Get off me.' 

'Shut up, don't make this painful for yourself.' 

'I said get off.' Loki tried pulling himself away, but Fandral suddenly shifted, grabbing Loki's head and driving it into the pillows. He was on top now, fucking Loki hard. 

Loki couldn't breathe, he realised. He flailed and wriggled. He tried kicking, but he wasn't near strong enough to do anything. Fandral seemed to realised Loki might die if he kept him like that, and shifted his hand to between Loki's shoulder blades. Loki turned his head, took in a gulp of air, and screamed. 

'Get off. I said get off!' 

'Shut up, you know you like it.' 

'I'll kill you one day, I swear,' Loki said. Tears were streaming down his face. 'I will rip your heart out.' Fandral was still pumping into him, his breathing heavy. He was very near completion. 'Stop! I said stop. Stop!' It felt useless, but Loki just kept screaming until his throat was raw. 

Until Fandral was no longer on top of him. Loki heard screams and loud bangs. Confused, he turned and saw Thor pinning Fandral to the opposite wall, which was badly damaged. Fandral's neck was being squeezed so hard he was turning blue. 

'I will deal with you later,' Thor hissed at the Warrior, with all of the God of Thunder's power behind it. He dragged a near lifeless Fandral out the door. 'Take him to prison. Lock him far away where he can speak to no one.' Loki heard footsteps hurrying away. When Thor reentered the room, he looked at Loki, who realised at that moment he was still exposed, showing his ass, and probably looked well-fucked. 

He turned and looked for the sheets. They were on the floor on the other side. He scrambled towards them, but somehow Thor beat him to them, lifting them up and covering Loki, who grabbed at them like a life-line. 

'Loki.' He stood helpless by the bed. 'I did not know it was him.' 

'Him?' Loki's voice was hoarse from screaming. 

'I heard what the Dark Elf said, about you being... raped in prison every day by the guards. Most of them have confessed, but no one has mentioned Fandral.' 

'Oh.' So it had been pointless to try and hide his whoring. Loki closed his eyes, and in a fit of hysteria and shame, covered his head with the sheets like a child afraid of the dark. 

'If I had known sooner,' Thor said, then swore quite colourfully. 'I know you can never forgive me.' He sounded close to tears. 'But I swear everyone who has harmed you will be punished. I will devote my life to granting you whatever reparations you desire. Even if you never forgive me, I will never stop trying. This I swear on my life and honour, as Thor Odinson of Asgard.' 

Loki had gone completely still. When would this crazy dream end? But Thor sounded perfectly sincere. If the guards had confessed, surely they had told Thor everything, including Loki's role in it. Yet, here he was, in his own bed, apparently pardoned, having just witnessed Thor throw Fandral in prison. 

Fandral. In prison. 

Loki tried to cry silently. He did not know how successful he was. Thor said nothing for a long time, until:

'Father.'

Loki's whole body closed up, frozen completely. He heard the Allfather step into the room, the doors closing behind him. 'I found Fandral in here-'

'Yes, I questioned the guards as I passed them, and assumed the worst. I suspect Fandral was the instigator in all of it. No doubt the other guards will confess to it once they know he is imprisoned with them and can not punish them further for disobeying.' 

'It seems almost impossible that it could have been Fandral. My friend, and Loki's, for so many years.' 

'Friendship can easily turn to hate through unrequited lust.' 

'But still, to go to such lengths to... I want to kill him.' 

'He shall be judged,' Odin said. 'I fear, however, for the other Warriors Three, and what they knew of this. They must all be investigated.'

'If they should have known...' Thor sounded horrified and defeated. He sat down on the bed next to where Loki was hidden. 'I wish to find all those who wronged Loki, but the thought of Volstagg or Hogun – or Lady Sif! Such a thing is impossible.' 

'Perhaps we should ask Loki,' Odin suggested. 'At another time, when he has rested more.' He paused. Loki could hear him approach the other side of the bed. 'Do you need a healer, my son?' 

'N-' Loki coughed. 'No.' He took a deep breath, then let his words out in a rush before he changed his mind. 'They all knew, even Lady Sif.' 

'I see,' Odin said. Thor cursed the heavens. 

'Only Volstagg-' but Loki couldn't say that out loud, despite the sheets shielding him from the world. 'Hogun used fire on me. Sif just watched.' 

'Fire?' Thor asked. 'He... he _burned_ you?' Loki nodded, the movement visible under the sheets. He held his breath, waiting for them to call him a liar. 'Damn them all,' Thor hissed through tears. 

'I shall place them all in custody,' Odin said. 

'Remember my vow, Loki,' Thor said. 'I beg you, do not doubt it.' 

'You have sworn it?' Odin asked. Loki assumed Thor nodded. He felt Odin sitting by the bed. 'Then I will make my vow now as well. Loki...' the Allfather sighed. 'May I see your face?' 

The simple act of lowering the sheets seemed to Loki the hardest thing he had ever done, but somehow he couldn't deny the Allfather, or his own curiosity at the strange proceedings. The Allfather's face was wet with tears and when he saw Loki's face, his own crumbled. He covered his mouth with his hand and bowed his head. Loki, confused, looked to Thor, who looked equally distraught. Thor reached out for one of Loki's hands, but Loki flinched away before he could stop himself. Thor let his hand fall and bowed his head in apology. 

'My son,' Odin said when he had composed himself. 'I know Thor has told you you have been pardoned. Has he told you why?' Loki shook his head. 'We captured a Chitauri in the woods where we found you. I gazed into its mind, and found the truth there. We now know how they found you, having fallen through the Bifrost into a place between worlds. I saw how they tortured you in a way no one, not even myself, could withstand. I saw the true nature of the staff they granted you, of its controlling power. I saw even the way you resisted it for a moment on the Tower of Stark, and how they believe you somehow fought against their power in order to fail deliberately.' 

Odin took a deep breath before continuing. 

'I saw many more horrors, and things in motion we must discuss at a later date. For now, know that there is no depth to my regret in having imprisoned you so rashly, without true investigation. And there is no end to my guilt in not coming to see you. I told myself it would be too painful to look upon your hatred of me, but that is no excuse. You are my son, and I have never stopped loving you. 

'Thor has made you a vow of reparations. I will join in that vow. For every moment I am not tending to the business of Asgard, I will spend my time finding ways to repay the wrongs done against you. I know you will never forgive me, and you have all the right to despise me until the ending of the world.

'I ask of you only one thing: that you stay here, where you are safe from the Chitauri who will never stop hunting you. And so I, Odin Allfather, so swear to you, my son, Loki Odinson.' 

Silence fell over the room at the end of his long speech. In truth there was too much information for Loki's weakened mind, but he scrambled as best as he could to take it all in. Could he believe it? He wanted to more than anything. But they could not mean it. They had not heard all there was to tell of Loki's adventures in prison. Once the Warriors Three explained what a whore he was, the Allfather and Thor would both retract their vows on the basis of swearing them under false pretences. Perhaps, as always, Loki should just enjoy this brief respite from pain and humiliation, and plan an escape for later. 

'I accept your vow,' he said slowly. 'Both your vows.' 

'Thank you, Loki.' Odin began to reach out, but then hesitated, his hand hovering in the air. He let it fall and rose slowly. 'I will return in the evening to see how you are, if you will allow me?' 

Loki just nodded. Odin left. Loki slowly turned his head to look at Thor, who stared back with tearful eyes and barely contained anger. 

'I swear they will pay,' he said. Loki nodded. 'When you died- or pretended to die, it was to escape them, wasn't it?' 

'Yes.' 

'Why didn't you tell me when I found Fandral in your cell, with you?' 

'I-' Because he had been moaning like a whore at the time? 'I did not know how.' 

'When he said it had been years, that was a lie?' 

'No-' Loki closed his eyes. Why had he gone and spoken the truth? His mind needed rest. 'When we were younger, there was a period when he would come to me.' 

'And you would let him, or was this more of- of what I walked in on just now?' 

'No, it was consensual.' There, now Thor would retract his vow. It would be a record for shortest promise. 

'So, he misused your feelings for him as well,' Thor concluded. 

'There was little feeling,' Loki said. 'I hated him then, but he had a way. I am certain he hated me even more.' 

'Why would you let someone who hated you bed you?' 

'Can you find someone who doesn't hate me?' 

'Do not speak like that. We were all friends...' 

'Maybe, occasionally, when you were there. Please, Thor. Let me sleep?' 

'Of course, forgive me.' Thor rose, gazing down at Loki with worry. 'I will return later, if you will allow it?' 

Twice in as few minutes he had been asked for permission. It was perhaps the strangest development of all. 

'Yes.' Thor left, and Loki didn't even have the energy to agonise over anything anymore. He fell asleep as if knocked out by a spell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for a few days. I've added five in four days, so I think I'm entitled to a break. Look for another chapter on Monday/Tuesday, I hope. I've got a life! (barely) 
> 
> I am dreadfully sorry to leave you on this chapter, so if you really hate cliffhangers, this might not be the best time to start reading. If you knew my previous work, you'd know this is basically my MO. 
> 
> And let's face it: this weekend is Doctor Who's 50th, so I don't think I'll be alive after Saturday. ;)

_'This is a dream,' Loki said, smiling. He was lying on a sea of clouds, or pillows, something not quite solid. Someone was licking him, and it felt nice. He sipped from a glass and tried to figure out what the sky looked like. If he concentrated really hard, he could almost cover it in diamonds._

_'Mmmmh, lower,' he instructed._

_'Loki?'_

_His mother appeared at the edge of the cloud. 'Yes?' Loki tried to turn to look at her properly, but he was stuck. Frowning, he looked down his body to find what he was stuck in. A Jotun raised his head, red eyes glowing._

_Loki screamed._

He fought himself awake. His legs had gotten tangled in the sheets. A dream, he told himself over and over. Just a dream. He was still in his room. It was daytime, and the sun was shining. 

He was here. He was still pardoned. The dream had ended. He glanced about, but saw no guards. He carefully got out of bed, feeling very weak, but much better than he had in months. He went to his dressing room and found it as it had always been. From among his many green items, picked out a dressing robe, a silken one with golden trimmings and sash. He was about to go back into his bedroom when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. 

By the Nine Realms, he hardly recognised himself. His hair had been combed, and it hung past his shoulders. He was thinner than he had ever been, and very pale, but it was his face he found strange. It was his expression, or maybe his eyes, that looked odd. Deciding he did not wish to examine himself further, he returned to his bedroom. He approached the doors cautiously, remembering Thor's comment about the wards. He felt them, and they were very powerful indeed. Thor said he should not try to leave alone, which implied he would be allowed to, but he doubted it. 

He walked to his desk, looking over the many books and papers. He realised it had been left exactly as he had left it on the evening when he and Thor had gone to Jotunheim. The night when everything began. He had been in his room after that of course, but he had had no use for anything on his desk. 

One thing was changed, however. There was a letter to him, in his mother's hand. He had to sit down, telling his hands not to shake. It was just a letter. She could have written it ages ago, right after the events in Jotunheim, or after his fall from the Bifrost. It wouldn't be her last thoughts of him. He unfolded it, forcing himself to read from the top and not scan ahead. 

_Loki_

_I have just returned from trying to visit you. Every time I go down to the prison I am told you will not see anyone. That you use your magic to darken the cell walls and only accept food and drink. It saddens me not to be able to see you when you are so close. Thor has been down as well, but he will not say whether or not he succeeded in speaking to you. He was upset, which tells me nothing._

_I pray every night you will allow me to see you. I miss you. For so long we thought you dead, and I have mourned ceaselessly since the day of your fall. To have you returned to me, and yet not, is unbearable._

_I know you have done terrible things on Midgard, and that you must face the consequences of those actions. I think you are trying to become the monster you think all Jotuns are. Many Asgardians hate all Jotun, and with good reason, but that does not mean they all have to be evil. You do not have to be evil. You are still my son. I love you._

_Frigga_

Loki put the letter down and rubbed away his tears. Should he scream in anger that she died not knowing he had not wanted what had happened on Midgard? That he didn't want to prove he was a monster? Or should he be thankful she never discovered his true reason for not seeing her? His tears were still falling when the doors opened and Thor entered. 

He stopped short when he spotted Loki, who turned his face away and used his sleeve to dry his tears. 

'Are you all right?' Thor came closer. 

'Fine.' Thor looked at the letter on the desk, and recognised the handwriting. He wisely did not ask.

'I have brought you some juice from Idun's apples, and a light broth.' Loki looked past Thor and saw a servant with a tray. 'Would you like to eat here, or perhaps outside? It's very warm out.' Loki looked to the balcony. The thought of breathing fresh air without fear of capture was tantalizing. 

'Yes, I would like that.' The servant set the tray on the small round table and left. Thor hovered close like a nursemaid while Loki moved from his desk to the balcony. He even pulled the chair out. Loki eyed him, but sat without comment. Thor hovered again by his side, waiting for something. He seemed so uncertain, it was making Loki uncomfortable. 

'What?' 

'May I join you?' 

'Yes, I suppose.' Thor sat next to him. He was still not wearing his armour. Loki didn't think he had seen Thor without his armour on two consecutive occasions since their childhood. It was nice. He wore a red tunic with beautiful patterns in gold on his collar and cuffs. 

Loki turned his eyes to the city. He had always loved this view, for he could see both the city, and the sea, with the Bifrost far in the distance. He liked the fact that he could see Heimdal, technically, even when the Guardian could not see him. 

'Did Heimdal find me?' Loki asked. Thor took a while before he puzzled out the question. 

'Yes. He saw you in the forest.' 

'In the forest?' 

'You were running. From the Chitauri.' Loki nodded, grateful for that one secret at least. He leaned forward to taste the broth and nearly moaned at it. So much flavour. He lost himself in it, and the apple juice. He could have wept again, but he told himself he was doing that often enough already. 'They were chasing you because you betrayed them.' 

'No,' Loki said. 'They were chasing me because I failed them.' 

'Because the staff failed to control you.' 

'Because-' Loki sighed. How to explain the effects of the staff to someone who had never felt it? He almost told Thor to go ask Dr. Selvig. 'Because you defeated me, and deep within me, I wanted to be defeated. The staff touches everyone differently. For me, it fed on my desires. I convinced the Chitauri that my greatest desire was your destruction.' 

'You fooled them?' 

'No, yes... I fooled myself.' Thor looked more confused now than when they started. Loki had always hated explaining things to his brother. It felt like they were children again, only this Thor wanted to understand, desperately. As a child he would ignore everything Loki tried to tell him. 'In order to truly convince them I had to convince myself. I had give in to my hate and fear. I had to truly hate you, Thor. Let it burn-' 

_He will make you long for something as sweet as pain._

Loki squeezed his eyes shut as memories assaulted him. He wasn't there. The dream had ended. He was here, on a balcony, eating broth with Thor. A perfectly rational thing to do. 

'Loki!' Thor was shaking him, hands on either side of his face. Loki forced his eyes open.

'I'm here,' he gasped. Thor calmed down, letting go and pulling his chair closer before sitting. 'I'm sorry.' 

'No, I should apologise. I should not have brought it up.' Loki said nothing and went back to eating. Thor sat in silence with him, another oddity. When Loki was finished he looked at Thor, seeing guilt and uncertainty. 

'You sit here because you want me to forgive you?' 

'No,' Thor said. 'I sit here to keep you company. If you wish me to leave-' 

'No. If- If you do not mind my company, then I do not mind yours.' 

'I treasure your company, Loki.' Thor said it with his typical earnestness, but Loki didn't think he could recall when last such a statement had been directed at him. He swallowed and nodded, not truly believing it. It could not last. Once Thor discovered everything, he would be as disgusted as anyone would be. 'How are you feeling?' 

'Better.' 

'The healers said you should keep to broth for at least a week.' 

'I do not mind.' The broth was ten times better than the grey goop he had been eating once every two weeks. 

'Father will be sentencing this evening.' Another subject Loki would like to avoid. 'But he would like your testimony before he does so, to complete his judgement.' 

'I- No, I'm sorry, that's not possible.' 

'Loki.' 

He rose, taking two steps towards the doors, only to wobble as dizziness disabled him. Thor took his arm. Loki wanted to shrug it off. 'I know you would prefer to forget,' Thor said. 'But please, we must have justice against those who wronged you.' 

'Wronged-' Loki was going to vomit up his nice breakfast. Thor's grip tightened and Loki leaned his full weight on him. Thor's other arm came round him. 

'I have you,' he said. 'Breathe.' Loki did as instructed and felt himself calming. Thor's hold was firm, but gentle. 'Are you still with me?' 

'Yes,' Loki said. He looked up, finding Thor too close and straightened. Thor let go of his arm once he proved he wasn't wobbling. He had to get a grip on his reactions. It was pointless to resist. Fandral would testify and the truth would come out. At least, if Loki spoke himself, he could testify against Hogun's cruelty, and the rapes by the other prisoners. Maybe they could all share a cell. 

'I will testify.' 

'Are you certain? I mean, I am glad you agree, but if it is too much, perhaps I could ask the Allfather to delay.' 

'No, I wish to have done with it.' He went back to the bed and got in, not bothering to remove his robe. Thor hovered. 'Was there something else?' 

'No, unless you need something?' 

'No-' Loki glanced at his desk. He should have brought a book or something to read, get his mind off things. The thought of reading was suddenly irresistible. He had not read a single thing for pleasure in years. 

'Yes?' Thor sounded so eager to please, Loki almost smiled. 

'Could you bring me the blue bound book by the edge of the desk?' Thor fetched it for him. It was just a simple treatise on the philosophy of the monks of Helvete. A tad morbid, perhaps, but Loki thought he needed someone who had an even more pessimistic outlook on life than him. Thor left him, promising to return for an evening meal and then, the testimony. 

Sunset had never gone so quickly. Loki ate his broth in bed, before going to dress properly. A pale green tunic, soft and loose brown trousers, with a plain dark green robe over it. He didn't want to stand out. He debated braiding his hair, or cutting it. As it was it reminded him of his long captivity. It would have to wait. 

Thor led him through the wards, and Loki decided not to push his luck by asking why he was still, physically, a prisoner. He was taken to Odin's private audience chambers. It was a beautiful room, with a giant golden desk, and chairs carved of thin branches slowly formed into the correct shapes as they grew. Behind the desk tall windows framed the perfect view of the palace courtyard, the city beyond, and the mountains like waves against the horizon. A reminder to all who entered what Odin ruled over. 

Thankfully, none of the accused were present. A scribe was though, trying to remain anonymous by his writing desk in the corner. Odin rose to greet them, coming round his desk. He reached out and touched Loki's arm, gesturing to the chair. 

'Please sit, Loki. I am grateful you have the strength for this.' Loki sat, wondering if it would be only words that would come out when he opened his mouth. Odin returned to his seat, looking through his papers, probably wondering which perpetrator would be wise to begin with. 'If you wish it, Thor could leave. I must hear your testimony to render my judgement.' 

'No, he can stay,' Loki heard himself say. He would find out, eventually. Best cut off the head of the beast and be done with it. 

'Good.' Thor sat down in the chair next to Loki. 'I think it is best to begin with Fandral.' Loki closed his eyes briefly at the name. 'Many of the guards have confessed his activities to me, but I would have it confirmed from you.' Odin's voice was steady, though much softer than when he heard such testimonies in the Great Hall. 'He raped you several times, and ordered that food and water be withheld from you, as well as clothes and any other comforts.' 

'Yes,' Loki confirmed. Odin said nothing and Loki realised he would have to say more. 'Yes. When he put me in the cell he said he could do whatever he pleased with me, and that you- that neither you nor Thor cared what happened to me. He-' Loki swallowed. Just spit it out. Lay it all out and let them see. He had been exposed for months now to a whole prison, laughing at his naked body. Why was this any different? He could not walk in a forest without some ruffians taking his body for their use. 

'I hope you know now that his statement was false,' Odin ventured. 'We do care. We love you, Loki. But in our sadness at having to imprison you, we neglected you. For all my wisdom, I could not imagine anyone treating another living being as they have treated you.' Loki took in the words, but it was early yet, he was sure Odin would change his tune soon enough. 'Please, if you can manage it, continue.' 

'He took my clothes,' Loki said. 'And left me for weeks without food or water. When he did give me sustenance, it was only one bowl of gruel and one small cup of water. When he deemed me weakened enough, he began his visits.' Loki gripped the armrests of his chair for support. 'He, Volstagg and Hogun were all present. Fandral and Volstagg... took me. After that Fandral would visit whenever he could. He would darken the glass before... Then later they all came-' 

'Including Lady Sif?' 

'Yes... but she only observed. Fandral had a guard-' Loki swallowed. He would say the words. Suddenly, it became imperative that if he was to damn himself, he would at least be damned for all of it. 'He bid a guard rape me, which he did. Then he threw me in a neighbouring cell, where another man raped me. But I... I killed him.' 

This produced a reaction. Thor sat up straighter and Odin paused in his notes. Even the scribe made a hesitating movement before continuing his transcript. 

'How did you kill him?' 

'I changed into a Jotun, while he was- during the act. He was frostburnt so badly he died of his wounds.' 

'I think under the circumstances I will render that self-defence. You are absolved of the crime. Make a note,' Odin added to the scribe. 'Continue.' 

Loki struggled to find words. Perhaps he hadn't made it clear exactly how the man had died. But Odin waved him on. Thor said nothing against the verdict. In fact he relaxed slightly, as if justice had been offered up in a quick and timely manner. 

'After that it was Hogun's turn. He strapped me to a table and set a fire under it. He used candles to burn my skin. I blacked out, woke up alone.' 

'Did they leave you burnt?' Loki nodded. 'But you have been healed? The healers said they found new skin on you, which suggests a healing ointment was used.' 

'Yes, eventually Fandral came and healed me. That was when Thor found us...' Oh, what if Thor had wanted to keep that secret? Loki glanced at him, but he was staring at his knees, jaw set and muscles tense. 

'Thor has told me of that event.' Then they knew. They knew he enjoyed himself. Together with Fandral's testimony there could be no doubt about his role in everything. 'Though he was very late in doing so.' Thor closed his eyes in shame. 'Thor has accepted my judgement in that matter, but we will not go over it again.' Judgement? Loki almost laughed at the thought. He supposed it had to be for withholding information. 'Continue.' Loki searched his memories for where he was in the story. It was difficult. There were so many times when the weeks bled together. He couldn't possibly name all the times Fandral came, or all the games they played. 

'I don't remember...' Loki tried to recall, but all he saw was endless solitude with the occasional respite of fucking. 'There was the... the Jotun.' 

'The Jotun?' Odin frowned. 'Another Jotun?' Loki stared at him. Another? He realised his stupidity a second later and bowed his head. Another Jotun, of course. Why was his mind so slow? It wasn't healing the way his body was, or he would have understood at once. He was one Jotun, and they were therefore speaking of another. Another Jotun, separate from him, the first Jotun. 

'Yes, another Jotun,' he began again. 'He didn't want to at first, but later they put us in a holding cell together and he-' Loki considered his words. Another Jotun. One plus one equals two Jotuns, mating and fucking, just like they all did. And Loki had “elected” to be the female in the coupling. Loki's mind suddenly blurred at a thought. Was that how a Jotun got with child? The myth was that they sprang from the ice itself, which was why no one ever saw female Jotuns, but if they licked to “prepare” to be the female...? By all that was sacred, Loki begged the powers of the universe not to let that be true. 

'Loki?' 

He looked up. Odin was frowning again, waiting. 'Do you wish to have a break? We could perhaps delay a day or two.' 

'No,' he said. 'I'm fine. He had me, in the holding cell. The Jotun. We mated. As- as Jotuns.' 

'He raped you.' 

'Yes and no. I let him rape me in exchange for it to be painless.' 

'That is not a distinction I am willing to make.' 

'He didn't-' Was he defending the monster? 'He was as much a prisoner as I was.' Apparently, his mouth was. 'Another would have taken his place and they would have killed him for not going along with their sport. He did everything he could to-' 

'Stop, please. Focus on Fandral and the Warriors Three's crimes. If the Jotun is a prisoner, then he is already locked away. His judgement can wait.' 

Loki took a deep breath. He did not understand his own mind in this, but for some reason he felt that his time in that holding cell was different. He hated himself for having done it, but at the same time, had it not saved him in the forest? Could he manage to despise the Jotun, and defend him, at the same time? By the degree of his headache, he was fairly certain the answer was no. 

'After that, Thor came and got me, to help him out of Asgard.' 

'Yes, Thor has gone over those events as well. You faked your own death on Svartalfheim, then came back to Asgard, where the Chitauri found you.' 

'That's it,' Loki said with a sigh. 

'And Fandral came to you in your room a few days ago, when you awoke.' 

'Oh, right, yes.' 

'He forced himself on you.' 

'Yes.' This was suppose to be a truthful testimony, he reminded himself, yet he had not told the whole truth. If he lied, and Odin had already heard Fandral's version, who was it likely they would believe? The Liesmith, or one of the Warriors Three? 'I let him, at first.' Loki wanted to bite off his tongue, or swallow it. It felt rubbery in his mouth. And that only made him think of ridges... 

'Again, I do not care to make that distinction.' 

'I don't understand how you can ignore the facts! I let him. I let him in the prison as well. Several times. I let the other prisoner as well. Not the one that I killed. Another one. An Elf, I forgot to mention him. He had me, and I let him. And Volstagg took me like a dog on the floor without a fight. And Fandral's had me so many times I can't count. But I didn't fight. I didn't.' He was babbling. His eyes stung with tears he refused to let fall. His jaw hurt from trying to stop himself from speaking. 'I killed the elf too, though. I should confess to that. I killed him the same way, in the forest. His gang found me hiding in a cave. They all had me. Four of them. I don't know if I killed the others. I blasted them into the trees. But they might have survived. I didn't let the three others have me, I guess- I was bound for those times at least. I would probably have let them have me had they untied me.' His voice had gotten quieter towards the end of his ramble. 'But the Jotun- The Other Jotun didn't rape me. Jotuns do not practice the art of rape.' Loki nodded several times. 'He said. He told me that.' 

'Loki.' Odin's voice was so soft, and near. Loki opened his eyes, unaware that he had closed them. Odin was kneeling by his chair, gazing up at him with watery eyes. 'That's enough, Loki. Breathe. Thor will take you back to your room. I want you to rest. Rest in the assurance that they will all be dealt with. Can you do that?' Loki nodded again. The Allfather patted his knee gently and rose. A hand was held out, and Loki took it. Odin gave his hand to Thor, who also took his arm in a steady grip. They walked back the way they came. 

Dark had descended completely by then. Candles had been lit in his room. Thor led him to the dressing room first, and waited outside while Loki found a long tunic to wear to bed. He crawled in, and Thor tucked him in like a child. He didn't think he wanted to ever speak a single word ever again. Loki the Deceiver would be silent. 

'Try and sleep,' Thor urged. 'I'll see you in the morning.' He reached out and touched Loki's forehead, as if checking his temperature. Then he left, blowing out the candles. Loki was left in the the cold light of the moon, and the faint glow of the city from the balcony doors. 

Open doors. Loki sat up and stared at them. Doors without the same powerful wards. Oh, there would be wards for basic protection, but the walls of the palace were nigh unclimbable. For Loki, the windows of the palace had served as a simple way out for centuries. There would be no logic in providing extra special wards for these particular windows. Unless Odin was thorough enough in Loki's new imprisonment. Loki wouldn't put it past him, but he hadn't felt any wards on the balcony this morning. An oversight? 

Loki got out of bed and went outside, going to the edge and stretching out a hand to feel the protection. They were the same as ever. Part of the same shield used on all the windows to keep birds and thieves out. Keeping Loki in had never been their strong suit. 

He hurried to the dressing room and put on his lightest armour. It was still heavy, and a size or two too big, but he didn't want to waste energy on altering them with magic. He dug around and found a water pouch, then filled it with water in the bathing room. He slung it over his shoulder and hurried outside. 

He climbed up on the balcony railing, gazing out over the city. It was gorgeous in the night, with people still walking the streets, looking for adventure or good food. He saw them only as tiny figures from so high, but the height did not scare him. 

He was about to step out when he paused. What was he doing? Odin had asked him to remain, to keep himself shielded from the Chitauri. But the thought of staying and receiving Odin's second judgement, and being put back in a prison for daring to accuse so many of wrongdoings he himself was party to. And not just any crimes, but such monstrous depravity. Fit for a Jotun, he thought with a laugh. Yet the Jotun was the only one- No, he would not think of it. He was done with prisons and shaming. He would do his escape right this time. He was stronger. Far from actually strong, but stronger nonetheless. 

Feeling light-headed, he jumped off the balcony and into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all know I am failing all my classes because of this ;) 
> 
> There might be less kinkiness as we go on and explore the consequences of all the previous kinkiness. Please note I have never read the comics, so I make up a lot of stuff about Jotuns. I wanted to incorporate some Norwegian troll myths/stories, but the real version of a "jotne" is just not as scary anymore. (I'm Norwegian in case anyone was wondering about the Mjølnir spelling, and yes, it does sound hilarious whenever an English person tries to say it!)

Loki made his way out of the city, and continued to the rift where he could escape Asgard altogether. Not the same one he had shown Thor of course. With every step, he tried to make a decision about where he would go. He knew he had to leave. The thought of hiding in the forests again was distasteful. 

He needed somewhere he would blend in, somewhere it would be hard to search for him, and somewhere they would not even consider searching for him. 

Once he reached the rift, he knew in his heart where he had to go, but the thought was almost worse than staying behind. He raised his hand and looked at it, concentrating hard on images of cold and ice. Nothing happened. Maybe he needed actual cold to help him along. He took a deep breath and left for Jotunheim. 

He arrived at a place he knew, from out a crack in a mountain not far from Laufey's stronghold. Laufey was no more, of course, but Loki had no desire to know who had taken his place. It was dark and windy, the air white with streaks of snow that whipped at him from all sides. 

He walked away from the stronghold, slipping on the ice several times. He tried to scout his surroundings to find out where he would go, but the weather was impenetrable. He kept to the mountainside and soon found an ice cave where he could hide from the storm. He sat down, hugging himself, but resisting the urge to light a fire. There was nothing to burn in any case. 

He held out his hands again. If he was to survive, he would need to change. He willed himself to turn, but nothing happened. He must have sat staring at his hands for ten minutes straight without results, before the cold forced him to fold his arms and press his hands under them. He cursed. This was a mistake. The weather raged outside. What had he been thinking? His madness confirmed, Loki decided he would sit there until he either changed or died. Anything else led to one of his captors. 

XXX 

'We have to do more!' 

'Heimdal is constantly searching. I have trusted guards out in every city looking for him. I have even sent word to Midgard. If you want me out in the woods looking under every rock and tree, I can, but I doubt it would do any good.' 

Thor cursed and almost summoned Mjølnir to smash something. Odin gave him a look that promised retribution should he let his rage get the best of him. 

'Go do something useful,' Odin suggested. 

'I can't! You've forbidden me to do anything!' 

'If Loki is found somewhere, I will temporarily lift your restrictions so you can fetch him. Until then, go find a new outlet for your energy.' Odin dismissed him, and Thor was forced to retreat to his rooms, pacing and cursing uselessly. Once his rage and worry had simmered down to a manageable level, he decided to sit down and try something new. 

He would try and think this out. 

Loki had run. Their Father suspected he was labouring under the belief that he would be put in prison again, though Thor could not understand why Loki would think that. Had not Thor done everything to make reparations? He had made Loki as comfortable as possible, waited on him hand and foot. Why had he fled? They were almost certain no one had taken him. 

He had been so upset during the testimony. Thor had wanted to personally strangle every one who had ever touched Loki that way. And Loki, as if he was under some spell, had insisted he was at fault. 

Thor pictured the scene. It had burned itself into his memory. Loki on the sofa, Fandral leaning forward, gripping Loki's legs as he raped him. At the time, all Thor had seen was his Loki, his brother, and friend having relations. Fandral had made it seem like they were old lovers! But now, when he used his damned stupid brain, he realised how he should have gone straight to Odin. Loki had been in _prison_. He was in no capacity to consent to anything. Fandral could have promised something as simple as a glass of water. Ever since the truth had come out, Thor had been in a constant state of nausea and rage. How could his friends treat his brother like that? Even if Loki had done all the things he had been accused of, that was no excuse. 

But he had not done anything. Not of his free will. From the moment he fell to the moment he had faked his death on Svartalheim, Loki had not done a single thing of his own free will. 

Thor had believed him lost, when in fact it was he who was so far gone, he would probably never get Loki back. On top of it all, Loki was still suffering due to his delusions. Thor would give anything to take that pain away from him. 

Since he couldn't imagine why Loki would run away, Thor decided he would focus on where he might go. He tried to go through all the events, everything Loki had done or said. One thing stood out: his comments about the Jotun. 

If he had shared someone sort of “moment” with the Frost Giant, something that set that rape apart from the others, perhaps in his weakened state, Loki might have told the Jotun something of consequence. Thor knew he was forbidden to do much of anything, especially anything involving the trial of Loki's abusers, but Thor wasn't exactly known for keeping to the rules. 

Luckily, no one dared question him when he went to the prison and searched the inmate list. He found the Jotun was in solitary confinement, deep down in the bowls of the prison, where those who were thrown away to be forgotten were put. Hopefully, three Warriors would join the ranks there soon. 

The prison was dark and cold, which Thor supposed suited the Jotun well. He went down rows and rows of doors, all made of the same glass as the lighter cells above, set only a few meters apart. The walls were obsidian, so the few torches gave very little light as it all seemed to be swallowed up. Finally he found the right door. 

The Jotun was sitting against the far wall, staring into space. He looked up when Thor came into view. 

'Thor Odinson,' he greeted. 'Have you come to end me?' 

'No, not straight away at least,' Thor said. The Jotun rose and came to stand in front of the door. He was tall and muscular despite his time in prison, and it caused Thor to pause. Loki had been raped by that thing. He had insisted, quite forcefully, that it had been different, painless, “consensual” between two prisoners forced into the same situation, but it seemed impossible considering the... dimensions involved. Thor somehow doubted this Giant Jotun had the capacity to be in the same situation as Loki. 

'You wish to fight me first?' 

'What? No.' 

'The Asgardian who put me here are cowards. They forced me in here instead of killing me in battle. On Jotunheim, you, Thor Odinson, were known as honourable. Rash, stupid, prone to mindless rages, but honorable.' Thor almost opened the door and killed the Jotun then and there for its arrogance, but told himself to keep it together, for Loki. 

'When you and Loki were imprisoned together. What did he say to you? Tell me everything.' 

'Everything?' 

'Yes.' Thor clenched his jaw. 

'When he awoke, I told him I would show him how a Jotun mates. The guards had ordered my life be taken if I did not take him.' 

'So you raped him to spare yourself.' 

'I offered a painless solution to spare both of us.' 

'And if he had refused!?' 

'He would have been raped by another Jotun, and I would be free of this place at last.' Thor scoffed at the thought. The Jotun's face was like stone. 

'What did he say?' Thor asked. 'Tell me everything. I need to know every detail.' 

'Why?' 

'Tell me.' 

'We said very little. He accepted the mating. He begged for more.'

'You lie.' 

'We mated as true as any Jotuns. It is always a consuming act. He was the female in the coupling.' 

'You mean he had a choice to be the other?' Thor growled. 

'With his size, that would be strange. Our ways are unknown to him.' 

'Stop.' Thor turned away and paced. This was useless. He was so angry it was choking him. 

'Has he escaped?' the Jotun asked. 'You think he might have hid on Jotunheim?' 

'What?' Thor spun around. 

'You question me to learn if he could survive there. He changed only when I touched him. Odin's curse is strong.'

'Curse! How dare you!' 

'He stole a babe's natural defences. You have fed him on weak Asgardian food. You have made him pathetic and small, even for one such as him. If he can not change on his own, he will not survive on Jotunheim.' 

'The Allfather said he was too small as a babe,' Thor recalled. 'He rescued him! Loki had been abandoned.' 

'King Laufey did not abandon his only son!' For the first time, the Jotun showed emotion. He bared his teeth, his eyes glowing. Any closer to the door and he would be shocked by the forcefield. 'He was being taken to safety, away from the stronghold while the slaughter lasted. His guards were killed. The Allfather stole him.'

'And his size?' Despite his rage and incredulity, Thor was curious. He did not like to think of Loki in this way, but if it helped him to understand him, perhaps he should know all. 

'Smaller than a normal Jotun,' the Jotun said, much calmer. 'We do not have what you call females, but once in a cycle, there will be born those who are naturally suited to that role. Our scholars believe it is from ancient times, when we were divided as you still are.' 

Apart from the fact that Jotuns had such a thing as scholars, Thor took in the information with little prejudice. It made sense, in a way, but of course, Odin could not have known that. He was just rescuing a little baby. Thor would never believe otherwise, and would defend that action to the death. Without that decision, Loki would be just some other Jotun, raised in hatred of Asgard. 

'If Loki has gone to Jotunheim,' Thor said. 'Where would he hide?' 

'There are many places,' the Jotun said. 'In the mountains or glaciers. Endless caves with few inhabitants. If he changes, and removes his Asgardian shell, he might pass for a Jotun and walk among us.' 

'No, he wouldn't do that-' But to survive? To keep away from the Chitauri, and Asgard? Thor could no longer trust his own judgement in what Loki was capable of. 

'I need to find him,' Thor said. 'He might be very weak. He might die. If you help me, I will let you go free.' 

'I accept.' 

'I will return, be ready.' 

XXX 

Loki was dead. He had to be, for he wasn't cold. He was just the right temperature. His body was horizontal, he realised. He was lying in his grave. 

The noises couldn't be explained, however. It sounded like someone was cooking something. There was light beyond his eyelids. He slowly opened them and was met with the sight of ice. He turned his head towards the sound and tried to interpret what he saw. 

There was a Jotun. An old one judging by his relative slimness, sagging skin, and crooked appearance. He was seated in a chair made of ice, though it was covered with the pelt of some animal. His back was to Loki, poking what looked like a fireplace, only with glowing crystals instead of flames. Over it hung a small animal, completely frozen. It wasn't cooking, exactly. If Loki's brain was functioning correctly, he would guess there was a chemical reaction happening, causing the animal to melt and cook. The crystals made a hissing sound every time water dripped on them. Had he not been suddenly in fear of his life, he might have stopped to examine the finer points of Jotun cooking. 

He very slowly pushed himself to a sitting position, but even this tiny movement caught the Jotun's attention. 

'I feared you would never awaken,' he said, rising. Loki held his breath. Had the Jotun waited to kill him so he would be conscious? 'You were near death when I found you.' 

'Who are you? Where am I?' 

'I am Gnagir, and you are the stolen son of Laufey.' 

'I am Loki of Asgard,' Loki said with as much courage as he could muster. 'And if you kill me the Allfather will hunt you down.' 

'Why would I kill you?' 

'As revenge for Laufey,' Loki said as if it was obvious. The Jotun shook his head in disappointment. 

'I have no claim to revenge for Laufey. He was my king, but such a challenge is by tradition issued by heirs or challengers to the throne. The civil war has made a mockery of all that. No one left has a right to exact revenge.' 

That was interesting information. Lok had not known what had happened after Laufey's death. No wonder Jotenheim had issued no threat since his death. 'You could still kill me, for justice,' he reasoned. 

'Your Asgard upbringing shows,' the Jotun huffed. 'That is a very strange way of justice. There is no one king of Jotunheim, Loki Laufeyson, so no one has the power to sentence you to anything, let alone death for a murder committed outside our borders.' He spoke in a strange lilt Loki had not heard in a Jotun before. It was almost Asgardian in tone. 

'Then... then why did you save me?' 

'Why should I save you only to murder you, is the better question.' The Jotun turned back to the fireplace, his movements slow. 'Asgardian logic,' he muttered. When he turned back he had a wooden plate with several strips of meat on it. 'Eat,' he said, pushing the plate into Loki's hands. To him it was as big as a serving plate. Feeling suddenly famished, he picked up a strip and bit off a chunk. It was surprisingly easy to chew, with a sort of stringy texture. The taste was similar to boar. It was delicious. Loki ate ravenously. The Jotun had some himself at a more leisurely pace. 

'You saved me, and now you feed me,' Loki said between bites, his nervousness returning. 'What do you plan to do with me?' 

'It is not for me to make plans for you,' the Jotun shook his head. 'You came here, to hide or die, so you must decide which direction to go.' 

'But surely you must want something from me?' 

'I am too old for wants,' the Jotun said. 'And it is not a custom of Jotunheim to offer hospitality with a price.' The last was said with mild disgust at the suggestion. Loki very much doubted the situation could last. He ate, clinging to the energy it gave him. It wasn't until halfway through his little feast he noticed he had turned blue. He stared at his skin, wondering how close to death he had gotten before Odin's curse had let go of him. 

'What should I do?' he asked aloud, not really expecting an answer. 

'If you cut your hair and remove the Asgardian garb, you might pass for a small Jotun.' 

'What!? No, never.' The thought of cutting his hair! 

'It is strange hair, not weak and brittle like Asgardian. Odin's curse is truly strange to behold.' 

'I am not cutting my hair. Besides, I'm too small for a Jotun.' 

'You are a small Jotun. Small even by that standard, but not impossibly so.' 

Loki simply shook his head and chewed some meat. He didn't want to blend in. That was ridiculous. He wanted- Actually, he had no idea what he wanted or where he was going, so long as it was anywhere but back. 

'You speak strangely for a Jotun,' he said instead. 

'I have spoken with many creatures on many planets, back when we traveled freely across the realms.' 

'I did not think Jotuns travelled much, even when the realms were open to them.' 

'Not many did, but a few explored and traded... You know very little of your own people.' 

'You're not my people!' 

'You look Jotun from where I sit.' 

Loki shook his head. He pushed the plate away from him, scooting over to the side of the bed and getting off. When he hit the floor, his feet slipped right out from under him. He went down with a smack, and groaned in pain. While he was pushing himself up carefully, he realised the Jotun was laughing! 

'No, you are no Jotun,' he hummed good-naturedly. 'You are a newborn røyskatt on ice!' He laughed at his joke. Loki managed to get upright, clinging to the side of the bed – or ice platform with a pelt – and glared at the old Jotun. 

'Why don't you help me instead of laughing!' 

'Take off those boots and you might stand properly.' 

'But my feet will-' But they wouldn't be cold, would they? He looked down at his boots. They were thick and stiff, good for kicking someone and trekking through snow, but on ice they were dangerous. He hoisted himself up on the bed and pulled them off. His feet didn't feel cold. They were blue like the rest of him. He flexed his toes. They seemed... odd, like they could move more independently than before. Like his tongue, he had never examined the rest of his body in this state. 

He hopped down again and landed solidly. The ice under his feet was like walking on a normal floor, except if he stood for a long time, then he could sort of feel the cold. He took a few steps across the room. The Jotun watched him silently. It was as if his skin stuck ever-so-slightly to the ice. He looked over to the Jotun's feet. His nails were long and digging into the ice. Loki's own were neatly cut, and he suddenly realised why he had always needed to cut them so often all his life. The thought sent him into a fit of laughter. 

'You find your appearance amusing?' the Jotun asked, curious. 

'Just so many little things,' Loki said. 'That together should have made me realised I wasn't-...' 

'Asgardian.' 

'… yes.' In an instant he wanted to cry instead, but he suspected his tears would freeze on his cheek. Maybe that's why Jotuns never cried. A terrible thought came to him: What if staying on Jotunheim so long meant he wouldn't be able to change back? But no, if he could change one way after so many years, then Loki doubted it would be fixed the other way around after only a few hours. Odin's curse was strong, after all, so they all said. He would change back. He wanted to try right then and there, but he knew he would freeze in minutes if he did. 

'Sit down, you are still weak. Eat more. I will get good ice to eat.' 

'Ice to eat?' 

'You are dehydrated.' 

'Oh.' He watched the Jotun leave the room. He peaked after him and saw a larger room with strange furniture made of ice, and another fireplace in the far corner. There was a table made of stone, however, with scrolls littering it. The Jotun opened the door – wind and snow pushing against him suddenly like an unwelcome guest – and disappeared into the night. Loki frowned and sat back up on the bed. He felt strangely safe knowing how well the house held the storm outside, considering how little he could hear it when the door was closed. He picked up the plate again and ate the good meat. How long before this Jotun changed his mind about this hospitality? He was certainly the strangest and most un-Jotun-like Jotun he had ever come across. It seemed he had finally gotten a bit of luck, considering he could easily have been found by a different, barbaric Jotun. 

After a few minutes the door banged open and the Jotun returned, followed by another. Loki tensed, about to jump up and prepare to fight, but the old Jotun spoke. 

'Do not be worried. This is my son, Knagnir,' he said. The other Jotun, far younger in appearance, gazed at Loki curiously as he put down a large sack of something. They both approached the bedroom, the older Jotun going to sit by the crystals, while the younger stood by the door. 

'Greetings,' Knagnir said. 'My father said you were dear death in an ice-cave halfway between here and the stronghold.' 

'Yes.' 

'Why are you here?' 

'I- None of your business.' The Jotun looked about to protest with a snarl. 

'Leave him be,' the older Jotun ordered, and Knagnir's anger dissipated. He turned and went back to unpack his sack. Loki watched him warily. 'My son loyal to me first. You need not fear him.' 

'I don't,' Loki lied. He glanced at the Gnagir. The Jotun was breaking off some very blue ice. He handed a piece to Loki and encouraged him to eat it. Loki brought it to his mouth and prepared for an unpleasant feeling, but none came, and he broke off a piece without difficulty. It tasted incredibly refreshing. He tried to focus on the feeling of rejuvenation, but eventually his curiosity got the better of him. 

'Does... does he have a mother?' 

'Mother,' the Jotun shook his head. 'You confuse Asgardian concepts again. But yes, there must be one who births, who is also the up-bringer.'

'Up-bringer,' Loki said slowly. 'You mean- you birthed him?' 

'Over a century ago, seems like,' the Jotun said with a smile. 'He was a big one. Ripped his way out like a sabre-toothed bear.' 

'Ripped?' Loki choked. He stared wide-eyed from the old Jotun to the young one. They were both huge, but even at his smallest he had to have been Loki's size when he was three or four, at least, as a newborn. 

'It is a terrible thing, what Odin has done, to deprive you of such knowledge. What would happen if you were to be gotten with child. Without proper nourishment, the child inside one can die easily. It is also the only time a Jotun is harmed by too much cold.' 

'Gotten with child...' Please, powers of the universe, Loki begged. He would not suffer that. He had only been had once by a Jotun, unless by some twisted logic he could be gotten with child by an Asgardian as well. No, let not your mind conjure up horrors of fantasy as well as the real ones, he told himself. He was a Jotun, and could therefore only be impregnated by another Jotun. Like the one he had been fucked by not long ago. Mercy. 

'How long does it take between mating and signs of pregnancy?' Loki asked as neutrally as he could muster. 

'A week is the norm, but sometimes longer. With my youngest I was surprised after three weeks of solitude, out on a hunt.' 

'And what sort of signs did you notice?' 

'Appetite, the cold, and a tingling in my stomach. You learn to recognise it quickly after the first time.' Loki almost sighed with relief. He had not felt any such symptoms. He was safe. 

'I go out again, Father,' Knagnir called suddenly. 

'It is too windy. Wait until tomorrow.' 

'I have other things to do tomorrow. I will go now.' He did not wait for a reply, and vanished into the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update already? A bit short because of it, but it's two am and I saw a chance to finish it. Nothing fixes a bad day like some Loki feels. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Next chapter: might be late. But after exams this thing is gonna be finished so fast! (11th, in case you want a date to start pestering me, lol)

Loki stared at the door, suspicion telling him he had to leave, but eventually his attention was drawn back to the Gnagir. He regarded him with a knowing look. Loki found himself fidgeting and ate the last of the meat to focus on something else. 

Images of Jotun children kept dancing in his head. 

'When you say ripped...?' 

The Jotun just chuckled and ate more of his own food. Loki didn't want to think about babies. It had been a long time since he ever thought he could have a life like Thor planned to have. Marry some wench Mother had chosen to be the future Queen. Lots of babies, all fierce warriors of course. Loki had once – a life time ago it seemed – pictured himself as an uncle, for just a second. He must have been only twenty or so, watching Thor flirt from across the Great Hall. But dreams of normalcy had been squashed long before his true parentage had been revealed. The thought of him actually being a mother, or a “birther”, of one such as himself filled him with dread. Even if the thought of being a normal father wasn't horrifying, helping this species continue was. 

'Rest now,' Gnagir suggested after the long silence. He took the plate away and left the room. Loki lay down, feeling the softness of the pelt and wondering what the animal had looked like. How was it possible he was in a Jotun home? Being fed and taken care of. It made him uneasy, despite his comfort. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. A few minutes later he heard Gnagir come back and put the boots close to the crystals to dry off, then took the pelt from the chair and laid it next to him. 'In case you change back,' he whispered, and left the room. Loki took the extra pelt and draped it over himself, snuggling down and wishing the world away. 

He was woken up by the sound of yells. He sat up, straining to hear.

'Knagnir, you disgrace me!' Loki rose, standing on the bed, trying to think. Could he hide? Could he make a run for it? His heart rate sped up as the yelling got louder. 

The front door banged open, and Knagnir trod inside, followed by two huge Jotuns with ice spears on their right arms. Loki summoned up his magic, and blasted a burst of energy at them. They staggered, but they were still between him and the door. He jumped off the bed as one of them charged into the bedroom. The giant snatched at Loki, who ducked and doubled himself, even though he wasn't sure if he had enough magic for such a trick. He ran round the Jotun one way, his phantom clone the other, and both out the door together. 

Knagnir went for his clone, while the other Jotun tried to spear him, only to receive a huge icicle to the head by Gnagir. Loki didn't have the time to thank him, as the Jotun behind him almost got his spear in Loki's back. Loki spun and ducked, sending another blast of energy, but it was much weaker than the last, and his magic was already running thin. His clone disappeared. The Jotun Gnagir had struck was on his feet again. He grabbed Gnagir, about to drive his spear into his neck. 

'No!' Knagnir and Loki yelled at the same time. 'My father is misguided,' Knagnir continued. 'Take the Liesmith and go.' 

Loki was grabbed from behind, his hands forced together painfully and encased in ice. 'Let me go!' he cried as he was hoisted up and thrown over the Jotun's shoulder. They left the house, Gnagir following and yelling epitaphs at them. Knagnir held him back. Loki lifted his head, watching as the house with two Jotuns framed the door disappeared into the storm. 

They trekked through the snow and ice silently, the wind whipping at his face. He realised he didn't have his boots. Not that it mattered. They reached the stronghold. On the outside it still looked the ruin it had been last time Loki visited. The two Jotuns brought him into the throne room, which was changed considerably. 

It now held two long ice tables and chairs down the main hall. Jotuns were seated, eating and drinking, and mostly yelling and arguing. A Jotun – not as big as Laufey had been – was sitting on the throne. He wore no crown, but held a great metal spear in his right hand. 

The hall quieted as Loki was carried forward. He was thrown to the floor in front of the throne steps. He kept in his groans of pain. 

'Loki Laufeyson, King Killer,' the new “king” greeted. 'Welcome back to Jotunheim. I am Fornjot, Rungneson, the new king of Jotunheim.' The crowd of Jotuns started calling for Loki's head, some suggesting they eat him. 'Stand, Loki Laufeyson.' The two Jotun guards stepped aside and Loki rose. The hall fell silent as they all got a look at his coloring. The king smirked down at him. 

'He's a _gygr._ ' Loki heard one in the crowd whisper. 

'Odin's curse has made a small Jotun even smaller,' the king remarked. 'You look ridiculous with those clothes and hair.' 

'Kill him!' they called. 

'Quiet! I will consider his fate,' the king said. 'Take him to the dungeon.' He waved the guards back and they carried Loki away, down into the ice caves below the stronghold. They tossed him inside a small ice room. It had one crystal glowing in the ceiling. The Jotuns used their ice magic to create a solid wall of ice. Loki lay awkwardly on the floor, his arms still bound by ice. He closed his eyes and tried to relax his muscles, and keep his tears in. So this was how it would end for him. He prayed they would kill him and not something else. 

As the hours wore on, and his position grew unbearably uncomfortable, he tried to shift around, only to cry out as his muscles protested. If only there was some way to use his magic, but with the ice locking in his hands, he felt powerless. Maybe he could produce a flame and melt the ice? He was still so weak, but he closed his eyes and tried to focus. 

'Damn it all,' he swore, straining and feeling his shoulders close to popping. If only... if only Thor could come in and rescue him. He had hunted Loki before, all the way to Midgard to capture him. And he had been eager to go to Jotenheim to kick them down the last time. Great, now he was hoping his idiot brother would save him. What about prison and the judgement of Odin? Had he forgotten so easily? But in that moment, when he started feeling the cold even in his Jotun skin, he wanted to believe all the things Thor had said to him, about keeping him safe and making reparations. He wanted to believe so badly. 

He felt water dripping down his wrists. 

'Yes,' he whispered, refocusing his magic and feeling the ice melt. Soon, it was thin enough to break. He got up slowly, stretching and rolling his shoulders. He went to where the door had been and felt along it, but it was a seamless wall. He pressed his hand to the middle and started melting. It was slow going, far too slow. He cursed, and paced up and down the room once to refocus himself, then sent a blast of energy, hoping to crack it. Not a scratch. Damn it! Why had he not waited, safe in Asgard, for his powers to return. All those months in prison had done far more damage than he had imagined. He was weak and pathetic, and if he didn't do something drastic he would soon be weak, pathetic and dead. 

He saw shadows moving through the ice and prepared himself 

The ice seemed to peel away, melting into the walls and freezing again at the same time. The second the hole was big enough, Loki ran at it, falling deliberately and sliding straight through the Jotun's legs. His feet hit the opposite wall and he jumped up, running in what he hoped was the right direction. 

The corridor ended in a winding stair, followed by another corridor Loki knew ended in the opening to the Great Hall. Instead of following it all the way, he ducked into a side passage, running as fast as he could. Then up another set of stairs, round and round. At the top, he was greeted with another long corridor, with a Jotun walking in one end, so he ran the other way. 

'You!' the Jotun growled, and Loki could hear its pounding steps as it followed him. For the first time, Loki hated being so short. He got to the end, only to stop short at the corner. The rest of the corridor was missing. The stronghold had a massive hole, and below all Loki could see was an endless icy abyss. It was at least twenty meters to the other end of the chasm, where the corridor continued, and even on a good day, Loki doubted he could jump it. Maybe he should just throw himself off- 

'Come here,' the Jotun grunted, taking Loki's arm in a steel grip and dragging him back down the corridor. Loki tried to strike at him, but he was quickly picked up and thrown over the Jotun's shoulder. It was more than a little undignified, and Loki resisted the urge to hit the Jotun's back ineffectually. 

He was returned to the throne room, and thrown once again to the floor. This was getting tedious. He got to his feet, glancing behind him at the crowd. They were surprisingly silent for a bunch of Frost Giants. 

'I think it would be wise for us to kill this one,' the king said. 'I shall pronounce judgement.' He rose from his throne. Loki tensed, but stood tall. If only he could summon up one last spell – if only Heimdal would turn his gaze on him and send Thor. Come on, dunderhead, storm the castle like you always do. 

'You have not the right,' a Jotun rose from the crowd. He was huge, and looked a formidable veteran of many battles. 'All those with claim to revenge for Laufey are dead. According to our laws, you can not judge him until you are crowned king of all Jotunheim.' 

'I am king of all Jotunheim!' Fornjot boomed. 

'Have you abandoned your allegiances, Skærir?' a different Jotun from the crowd asked. 'Go grovel at Utgør's feet like a whipped hound!' 

'I am no friend of Utgør,' Skærir answered proudly. 'His claim is false, and those who follow him are blind, but if we abandon our laws during this time of strife, we are no better than him!' This caused an uproar, with Jotuns shouting their opinion both for and against Loki's immediate execution. Loki kept silent and tried to be as small as possible. Maybe a fight would break out and he could escape? 

'If the Allfather discovers we have executed his son he will reign down more destruction!' one Jotun cried. This many agreed with, and they instead voted to use Loki as ransom. 'What if Thor knows he is here, and comes to get him?'

'Then we will have a great fight!' Cheers went up. 

'Have him as consort then, he is small but he will live!' Laughter and more cheers. The noise was reaching deafening proportions. 

'What kind of judgement will the Allfather give if he learns of that!' 

'He is a prisoner! You dishonour all Jotuns by suggesting such a thing!' 

'He killed his father and king! He deserves a fate worse than death!' 

'Silence!' the king roared. Finally, they settled down. 'I will judge him.' He looked down at Loki. 'I will not kill him. He is the offspring of our great king, and so it is his fate to be the birther of the next heir to the throne.' Loki's eyes widened, his throat closed up, his knees felt weak. No, execution was preferable. The Jotuns started roaring, some shoving, and a few punches flew, and then all was chaos. Loki started backing away, but his guard placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. Fornjot yelled for silence, banging his staff down into the ice. The clanging sound caused some to pause, but the ones at the back were having far too much fun. 

Light pierced the hall suddenly, coming as if from a sun directly outside the doors. Jotuns backed away, shielding their eyes, as Odin himself on his steed entered the Hall. Loki had never been so glad to see his father. 

Thor walked beside him, his armour shining and Mjølnir held tightly. He glared at the Jotuns, but made no move to engage in battle. The Jotuns pressed together on both sides to create a path to the throne. Odin led his steed down. Loki tried to slip free, but the Jotun held him firmly, and he didn't want to cause a fight, so he remained. 

'King Odin,' Fornjot greeted. 

'And which King of Jotunheim do I have the honour of addressing?' 

'I am the true king of Jotenheim, Fornjot Rungneson.' 

'I am here to take my son back,' Odin declared. He stared impassively at the king, not once glancing at Loki. Odin would not show such weakness, Loki knew. He looked to Thor, who was staring at him with a very odd expression. Loki's attention was drawn away by Fornjot. 

'And what do you offer in return?' 

'I offer a Jotun prisoner in exchange,' Odin said. 'One prisoner for another.'

'I was not aware Asgardians kept Jotun prisoners. Who is it?' 

'He is Hefring, son of Hrothr,' Odin said. There was much murmuring. Loki heard several mention what a great warrior he was. One Jotun stepped forward. 

'My son lives, great King Fornjot,' he said. 'What use have we of this creature, when we could have a great warrior added to our ranks!' Fornjot held up a hand and silence fell again. Loki held his breath as the king considered. 

'Fine, your son is more trouble than he is worth, bring forth Hefring.' Thor turned and called to the guards that had remained by the entrance. They guided Hefring inside. He was bound with chains on both hands and ankles. Thor ordered them to release him, which they did. Hefring rubbed his wrists as he walked down the path, nodding to Thor as he passed, and kneeled before his king. Loki stared at him. He should have realised which Jotun Odin had of course, but somehow his brain hadn't been functioning. 

'My king, I give my thanks and my loyalty.' 

'Have the Asgardians mistreated you?' 

Hefring's eyes glanced ever-so-briefly to Loki's, whose breath hitched. 'No, my King,' he replied. Fornjot gestured to the guard and the hand on Loki's shoulder disappeared. He walked towards Thor, trying not to run. Thor put a hand on his lower back, and Loki almost closed his eyes at the warmth spreading through him from that point. He was guided out. 

'I thank you, King Fornjot, for your good judgement,' Odin declared, turning his steed and following his sons out. 

Loki walked stiffly to the Bifrost, feeling only Thor's steady hand. As Heimdal took them back to Asgard, Loki told himself this was better. Thor had come, so maybe he could allow himself to hope they would keep their vows despite everything. 

When they arrived the guards quickly left, Heimdal following. Loki turned to Odin, who jumped off his steed and came to Loki's side. He placed a hand on Loki's shoulder. 

'My son, I thank the stars you are safe,' he said. 'I would embrace you, but you are still in your Jotun skin.' 

'What?' Loki looked at his hands. No wonder Thor was looking at him oddly. He had never seen him like this before. 'How- I don't know how to change back.' 

'Just concentrate,' Odin urged calmly. Loki did so. 'It has become a natural trait, so do not think of it as magic. Just do it, like flexing a muscle.' He had been thinking all wrong, but now he felt it, twitching inside him, and the blue faded away to reveal his pale skin. His sigh of relief was interrupted by Thor grabbing him in a bear hug. 

'I thought we'd never find you.' 

'Thor- breathing, I need...!' Thor set him down, but then it was Odin's turn, though his hug was much more subdued. He stroked Loki's head like he did when they were little. 

'My son.' He held Loki at arm's length to inspect him. 'Are you hurt in any way?' 

'No, I'm tired, but you got there just in time.' 

'That is a relief,' Odin smiled. He hesitated, frowning slightly. 'I am more sorry than I can say, for making you believe you had to run. I should have spoken more clearly. The Warriors Three are all locked away where you will never see them again. As for Lady Sif, she is banished to a place far away, on pain of death should she return. You are safe here, Loki, and free, always.' 

Loki received another hug from Odin. Fandral locked away and he not? Then it was true, the vows, the reparations... He was free? He dared not believe it. 

Odin led him with a firm hand and bid him get up on the steed. 'Thor, go with him.' Thor jumped up behind him and took the reins. 

Loki leaned back tentatively as they rode out on the bridge, passing Heimdal with a nod from him. Thor used one hand to pull him even closer. It was very comfortable and warm. 

'I have you,' he whispered softly in Loki's ear. 

'I am... sorry I left,' Loki said. 

'No, Father was right, we should have spoken to you more clearly.' Thor tightened his grip briefly. 'I should have said it a thousand times.' 

'Said what?' 

'That none of it was your fault.' Loki said nothing more. Such a sentence should not exist, let alone come from Thor's mouth. Yet, his ears had heard it. When they reached the palace, Loki tried not to look anyone else in the eye. Thor escorted him to his rooms. Loki was tired, but he felt too dirty to go straight to bed. 

'I think I will bathe,' he said. 

'Very well. I could stay...' Thor offered awkwardly. 

'Thor, I am thankful you care enough-' 

'I meant my vow, Loki.' Thor's eyes were fierce. 'Please, do not forget it again.' 

'I will try,' Loki said. 'But I do not need company at every moment. I have no intention of turning at the door and running off again.' Perhaps Thor did not trust him to remain? 

'Very well,' Thor said. 'I will send up some food.' Loki nodded, and Thor was about to leave when Loki found himself asking: 

'Was it Heimdal again, who found me? I did not think he would look upon Jotunheim, or at least not so quickly.' 

'No, it was...' Thor bowed his head in a strange, humble gesture. 'It was I who found you. I and... the Jotun, Hefring.' 

'I do not understand.' 

'After you disappeared, I went to the prison to speak with him. I thought you might have said something to him you had not said to others.' 

'Why? Because we are both Jotun?' 

'No! Because you seemed, for some reason I do not understand at all, to defend him.' Thor threw his hands up in frustration. 'I thought it was worth lifting up every stone if it meant the possibility of finding you, even if I had to speak to him.' He grimaced and paced a little. 'He suggested you might be on Jotunheim, and since I was desperate to find you, I enlisted his help to search. When we reached Heimdal, and told him of our plan, he found you at once. You didn't have your spell. I ran back to Father, and here we are.' 

'You ran back to Father?' 

'I thought it prudent.' 

'You sent for reinforcements.' 

'I did it to avoid another incident.' 

'You didn't wish to fight Jotuns?' 

'My priority was getting you.' 

'You, Thor the Mighty, declined to go into battle.' 

'You are more important than any battle.' 

His voice was quiet, but Thor said it with such force of conviction, Loki felt it press on his chest as if it had been spoken with a great bellow. He turned away, unsure what to say to such proof of loyalty. Thor stepped up behind him and hugged him again. Loki closed his eyes for a moment, drinking in that warmth, before pushing away and walking into the bathing room. He didn't hear Thor leave, but later when he was steaming in the bath, a silent servant placed a tray of food by the small pool. 

XXX 

Loki was a Jotun, Thor thought as he left the room. He had known, in his mind, that this was so. He had agonised over the knowledge, wondering if it meant Loki was a monster, and then if he was Thor's brother anymore. He had later berated himself for such thoughts, but he had not truly considered the implications of Odin's act of rescue. Loki was not Asgardian. Thor had once dreamt of Loki rising up to reveal himself a true Giant, in the shape of the late Laufey, with horns and horrid loincloths for clothes. But Loki was, of course, still Loki. His shape did not change, anymore than his mind or personality or skill-set. He was _still_ Loki. 

And he was blue. Very blue. 

When Thor had laid eyes upon him standing by Fornjot's throne, he had doubted his vision. Loki was deep blue, with red eyes like all the other dozens of red eyes glaring at them from every corner of the room. But Loki's eyes did not glare. They were filled with relief and joy at seeing them. Thor could still see that. 

The strangest thing was Loki had not looked like an ugly Frost Giant. He had been, in a way, unusually beautiful. There had never been any doubt among people that Loki was pretty, in a female way, with pale skin and lack of beard or long hair – until recently. The blueness, however, made him a singularly unique creature. He did not truly appear like a Jotun or Asgardian. Perhaps he was simply himself. Thor liked that thought, and smiled to himself for having come up with it. He decided he would tell these thoughts to Loki later. Mayhap they could bring him some comfort. That was Thor's new mission in life, after all. 

He ordered food for Loki, then went and took off his armour, before meeting Odin in his rooms. 

'How does he seem?' Odin asked. 

'Better, I think,' Thor said. They wandered out to Odin's balcony, watching a breathtaking sunset over Asgard. 'Though with Loki I am never certain what he thinks.' 

'Which is why you must be extremely vigilant,' Odin advised him. 

'I will.' 

'I know. I wonder if he will ever heal fully.' 

'He must.' 

'We must have faith in him,' Odin agreed. 'He is strong, he will conquer this.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #1: Loki obviously suffers from a myriad of conditions, and while I am not familiar with most of them, one thing I am familiar with is intrusive thoughts. I will leave it up for your to decide where Loki's intrusive thoughts end, and where his actual feelings for Thor begin, or whether he actually has this condition in the first place! But I just wanted to point out that people can have thoughts they really _do not_ want to have.
> 
> #2: I am a huge _Avatar:the last Airbender_ fan, and I admit I've taken some inspiration from that world's philosophy. So if you spot something that reminds you of it, now you know. Ps: sorry for the Portal reference :P

Loki relaxed back against the side of the pool and breathed. The room was blue-tiled from top to bottom, with white columns at the corners of the pool. Loki sat opposite the door, the water chest high. It was very warm, and he was relieved it felt this good still. He lifted a hand and looked at it. It had gone slightly red from the heat, but he wasn't uncomfortable, just relaxed. 

He would never change, he realised. He would always be a Jotun, but right now he was as pink as Thor or Odin. Right now he was himself, but he could change now, at the snap of his fingers. He would never be part of the Jotun world – if he could help it – but maybe there was a way to look at this from a tactical perspective. He had this... ability. 

The Asgardians would never see it that way. What would he do when he eventually left his room? Would he ever? The Chitauri had found him on Asgard. Maybe it was best if he locked himself away, for a while. He did not want to dwell on anything outside his rooms. That would only upset things again. Fandral was far away, locked away in a dark cell. Loki would never see him again. 

He flexed his fingers, thinking of the Jotun abilities – the creation of ice. 

His fingertips turned blue, and before Loki could react, his whole body was. The instant his cold Jotun skin was exposed to the hot water, the extreme difference cause an acute sensation, and lots of steam. The water around him bubbled madly, his skin prickling painfully. He screamed and instantly changed back, but those two seconds had been enough to fill the room with steam. 

'Loki, are you all right?' Thor ran into the room. Loki had stood up at the pain and was holding his arms above the water, frozen in shock. He looked up at Thor, words failing him. 'You screamed,' Thor said. 'What happened?' 

'I turned blue,' Loki said. 'By accident. The warmth of the water-' he gestured to the steam. Thor's face was one of curious confusion. 

'But, you are all right?' 

'Yes, I was just startled. It was hot, for a-' Loki turned away and sat down again. Thor cautiously walked alongside the pool to the other end. 

'Your skin boiled the water,' he said. 'Does that mean you could freeze water?' 

'Jotuns create ice, so I suppose yes,' Loki said. Thor did not look disgusted at the discussion of his nature. He seemed almost happy. 

'So, next time we are at the beach at Lofotr, you can keep our drinks cool.' Thor smiled proudly of his little joke, and Loki stared up at him with slight awe. If Thor was joking, then things could hardly be that bad. Whenever they had been having problems as children, Loki always knew that when Thor told one of his “amusing” stories, that he was no longer angry. 

How best to retaliate? If Loki did not answer the joke, then Thor “won” as their childhood had dictated. 

Thor had changed out of his armour again, and his body was tantalizingly close to the edge. 

Loki smiled slowly, and Thor grinned at his joke being understood. Then, quick as a cat, Loki lunged forward and reached up, catching Thor's belt. He pulled, and stepped aside just in time to watch Thor fall flat into the water. Water splashed everywhere, and Thor scrambled to stand straight, spinning round while gasping for air, his hair flopping over his eyes. He looked like a wet dog, and when he shook his hair out of his eyes to complete the picture, Loki laughed, sitting down on his original spot to enjoy the show. 

'You caught me unaware,' Thor said proudly, laughing. 'I admit defeat!' He grabbed the bottom of his tunic and pulled it off. His chest was the chest of a Warrior of Asgard, pink and warm, and never anything else. 

Loki averted his eyes. He did not know why it suddenly felt odd, right in the pit of his stomach. Maybe because of what had happened to him, what he had done. Thor was so innocent in that regard. Loki should not look at him. They were brothers, yes, but adults now and not children playing. If Loki should look at him and do something disgusting, like feel some attraction, he could not bear it. His skin heated up at the thought, and Thor's presence in the cell with Fandral came to him unbidden. Thor's eyes on him. His brother. But- Loki closed his eyes as he tried to stop his brain from forming the thought; stop, stop stop! – they were not brothers. Damn his brain to Niffelheim, why had he thought that? What possible reason could he have for it? It effected not his relationship with Thor in the slightest. That was a far better thought, though probably not true. How could it be? Everything had changed, including them. Maybe some disgusting Jotun compulsion would awaken in him suddenly.

The real Thor was seated next to him now. He bent his head slightly to try and catch Loki's eye. 

'Loki?' he said, finally interrupting Loki's intruding thoughts. 'Are you all right?' 

'You keep asking me that,' Loki said. He forced himself to open his eyes and look at Thor. His brother, who probably never, ever, thought of that night in the cell unless he vomited afterwards. How could he even sit here this close, with Loki naked? Thor reached out and put a hand on Loki's shoulder, who flinched before he could control himself. 'Tell me what's the matter.' 

'Nothing, I'm sorry.' 

'For what? The pull? It was a good prank. Like old times.' Times when they were brothers by blood and neither of them Jotun whores. Loki nodded. 'You are still upset, I can tell. Please, I wish to know what you are upset about, even if you think it will upset me. If we do not speak clearly, then... one of us may do something thoughtless.' 

'You mean I'll run away again.' 

'I mean either of us could do something we think is for the best, when it is really not.' 

'There is nothing to say.' 

'I don't believe you.' 

'Of course you don't. God of Lies, after all.' 

'God of Mischief,' Thor corrected, frowning. 'The Midgardians never called you that. You know I did not mean it that way.' 

'I know. I'm sorry.' 

'Stop apologising.' Thor was getting frustrated, but instead of letting it grow into anger, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'Are you hungry? Let us eat together before you rest.' 

'I just ate the broth you sent up.' 

'You need more. You are thin as a staff.' Thor gestured to Loki's chest, which was indeed thinner than he had ever been. He looked down and felt his weakness, in both body and power. 'You will grow strong again,' Thor reassured, getting out of the pool. Loki glanced after him and had to avert his eyes at the way his trousers clung to his skin. 'I will find a towel, wait a moment.' Thor returned with a big towel and held it out, waiting expectantly. Loki got out and was enveloped in it. He could not tell if Thor had looked at him. He had never felt their difference in size so acutely – it had never been greater. Loki left the bathing room and went straight for his dressing room. 

Thor followed him. 'Perhaps a gown for me as well, or should I eat in this?' he chuckled as he dried himself off with his own towel. Loki grabbed one of his many dressing gowns and held it out without looking at Thor. He waited until Thor had left before dropping his own and putting on a long tunic and robe. He stood for a moment in silence, gathering himself. Why was his heart racing, and his thoughts so jumbled? Nothing bad had happened, in fact, he had just laughed at a shared joke. 

Taking a bracing breath, he went to sit with Thor on the balcony, again declining the offer of food. Thor let the subject go and merely sat with him. Eventually, Loki could tell he wanted to say something, but from the way he fiddled with the sash on his robe, Loki could guess it would not be pleasant. 

'I understand if you do not wish to remember it, but please tell me truthfully. Did they really not hurt you in Jotunheim?' 

'No, they only imprisoned me.' 

'Heimdal said you were being carried somewhere.' 

'I hid in a cave.' Loki fell silent as he thought of Gnagnir. 'I was rescued by an old Jotun. He saved my life. Fornjot's guards found me.' 

'Because this Gnagnir gave you to him?' 

'No, he tried to stop them from taking me. He was... nice.' 

'Nice?' 

'He said he had no desire for anything. He offered his hospitality, nothing more.' 

'A small blessing, but I am grateful for it,' Thor murmured. Loki frowned at him. 

'You believe me?' 

'Why would I not?' 

'A nice Jotun. It seems a bit unlikely.' 

'I'll not pretend I have no trouble imagining such a thing, but you are nice – most of the time,' Thor smiled, 'and proof enough that you do not have to be a Jotun and a monster.' 

_You do not have to be evil._

Loki had dismissed the letter from Frigga as the hopeless prayer of a mother, but things change. Maybe he should have taken her last words to him more to heart, learnt a last lesson from his mother. Instead, here was Thor teaching him. 

'You say that so easily,' Loki said softly. 'Jotun.' 

'I am trying to move us past it,' Thor explained. He reached across the table and took Loki's hand. 'You are not like them, Loki. You are my brother, and the son of Odin.' 

'Yes, so they all say. Again and again.'

'But you do not believe us?' 

'Would the Warriors Three have done the things they did to a true son of Odin?' 

His stomach churned as the thought invaded his mind. He pictured it clear as day. He would be branded a traitor for his actions, yes, mocked even, maybe, but tortured? Even brutalized slightly? No, not a hand would have dared touch a true son of Odin, even imprisoned. How had they come to this discussion? Loki had no desire to revisit these subjects. 

'No, I would not insult you to argue otherwise,' Thor admitted. 'But that is their mistake, their hatred. Not mine, or Father's.' 

'I know,' Loki nodded, retracting his hand. He wished he could stop feeling so sick all the time, like he was about to break but never quite did. He smiled reassuringly at Thor. 'You don't have to be so concerned. I am not running off again. I know my place is here.' 

'Good. I shall leave you to rest then. Good night.' 

'Good night.' 

XXX 

He was lying on a plain of ice. It was endless in all directions. No mountains or hills, or figures. For some reason he had trouble looking down the length of his body, but he knew in his mind he was still in his Asgardian skin, but he couldn't feel the cold, even against his buttocks. His hands were stretched out, as if bound to the ground, but he saw no bindings. It was the skin, he realised. It was stuck to the ice. 

He looked up as a shadow passed over his face. A Jotun, no, _his_ Jotun. He came to stand at Loki's feet. Loki tried to squirm away, but it was like every point of contact with the ice stuck, and his body refused to bend to his will. The Jotun kneeled by his feet, and now at last Loki was able to look down his body. It was naked, as expected, and very pale, but not so thin. He was his normal self in size. 

The Jotun leaned forwards on his hands, head going down towards Loki's right foot, and he realised what was about to happen. He tried to move his foot, but his heel was stick to the ice. 

'No, get away, bad dog!' he said. The Jotun was oblivious. Loki threw his head around to look for something to save him, and saw to his horror that Thor was standing a few feet to their right. He wore no discernible expression, but he had his armour back on, and Mjølnir was in his hand. 

'Go away,' Loki told him, but he moved not an inch. Loki looked back to the Jotun and saw that he had come several inches closer to his foot. He moved faster as Loki looked at him, so he looked away again and hoped it would never reach his foot, but in his mind he saw him move, and so it was when he looked back down. The Jotun's tongue came out. 

'No!' Loki's cry turned into a gasp as the Jotun finally licked a long stripe from his toes to his ankle. He turned blue slowly, spreading upwards as if he was drowning in it. He gasped for air, but when he felt the crown of his head wash away, all that remained was tingling pleasure. 

The Jotun continued to lick up his leg, and Loki wriggled and moaned. Thor stood by silently. The Jotun licked up his stomach. Thor was right next to them, gazing down into Loki's eyes. The Jotun kissed his left nipple. Loki grabbed the Jotun's head and stuck his tongue into the mouth, feeling Thor's eyes on them all the while. He wanted to scream and kick and fuck all at once. The Jotun lifted his hips, sliding right into him as if he was made of water. Loki was grabbed by the hair, his neck exposed. The Jotun's tongue caused almost more moans than his cock. Loki looked to Thor, feeling shameful yet unable to stop. 

As his orgasm approached, the Jotun increased his speed, and Loki threw his head back in a scream. He found Thor there, kneeling behind him, and catching him as he fell backwards. Thor held him – the Jotun was gone. Loki reached up to touch his brother's face, about to ask him why he showed no emotion. Before his fingers could touch, however, Thor's skin started to turn black. Loki realised too late what was happening. He leapt from Thor's arms. 

'No, nonono,' he screamed as a Thor was reduced to a black heap of ash. 'NOOOO!' 

The screaming woke him up. He sat up, tangled in the sheets, panting as if he had run for miles. His room was dark and empty. Lifting a hand to his face, he saw he was blue and flinched as if burnt, flicking his wrist several times until he turned pink. He let out an exhausted sigh and fell back into bed. What a horrible, idiotic dream. He had known it was a dream, or at least partly known, and yet it had gone on for so long, like being trapped in ice, he thought disparagingly. He supposed a bizarre sexual dream without pain was better than one were Fandral featured. He shuddered at that thought. He managed to fall asleep again. 

XXX

In the morning Loki tried not to let his dream show on his face. Thor made sure he ate properly and Loki tried not to tease him about being a nursemaid. He feared Thor might stop if he did. Halfway through the meal, however, a servant came and gave a message for Thor: Odin wished to see him at once. Loki was left to his books, only to be interrupted again by the same servant. This time Odin was calling for him. 

He hesitated. It was not a far walk to Odin's chambers. It was unlikely he would pass any citizens. Maybe one or two groups of guards and a few servants. The one with the message waited patiently, head bowed, for Loki to follow or dismiss him. Loki gestured for him to go, and followed. The servant said not a word about Loki suddenly needing an escort to his father's rooms. 

The hallways were almost suspiciously empty. Loki's muscles were completely stiff with anxiety by the time he reached Odin's chambers. He was led even further in to the map room. It was large and circular, filled almost entirely with the great holographic image of Yggdrasil in all her glory, the Nine Realms beautifully rendered. Thor and Odin stood closest to Asgard. 

Loki went straight to them, and Odin smiled in greeting. 

'How are you feeling today?' he asked, placing a hand on his son's shoulder and searching his eyes for signs of discomfort. Loki forced a smile and pushed his silly anxiety away. 

'Much better already,' he said. He nodded to the map, 'What has happened?' 

'It is a subject I had wanted to postpone until you were stronger, but Thor has convinced me you must know now in order to have all the time needed to prepare.' 

'Prepare for what?' 

Odin made a gesture to the map and it changed. All the branches of Yggdrasil faded away, and a planet grew forth until it was as large as the whole map had been. It was Midgard. 

'The Chitauri tried to open a portal to our universe,' Odin said. 'Using the power of the Tesseract, they created a door wide enough to let their army through. If it were to fall into their possession completely, they could open a portal anywhere they chose, even right here on Asgard.' 

'I know this,' Loki said. 

'Yes, I saw their plan in the mind of the one we captured. I am sure you saw more during your captivity.' He gestured again and Midgard disappeared, replaced by a model of the Tesseract itself. Loki swallowed, unnerved by the sight of that alluring cube. He was certain it would haunt his dreams tonight. 

'The cube is pure cosmic energy, created long before the time of Asgard,' Odin said. 'As long as it exists, the threat of the Chitauri is that much greater. They breached Asgard itself in an attempt to capture you, they will try that and much more to get the Tesseract.'

'So, we must get rid of it,' Loki concluded. 'It won't destroy the Chitauri, but it will keep them at bay longer.' 

'Exactly. They would be unable to bring forth their army.'

'But how does one destroy a cosmic cube?' Loki asked. 'Any attempt would surely unleash its destructive force?' 

'Indeed, it could potentially destroy the Nine Realms and beyond.' 

Loki glanced at Thor, who was studying everything in the room except him. He tried to stay calm. 

'Your plan then?' he asked. Odin sighed and gestured to the map again. A new world revealed itself, but not one Loki recognised. It was not part of the Nine. It looked cold and desolate, but there was not enough detail in the map to be certain. 

'The energy in the cosmic cube is created by separating the fundamental energies of the universe. All energy is positive and negative. We can not destroy the Tesseract because that would simply dispel its energy into our universe. Instead, we must cancel it out by uniting it with its brother.' Odin gestured to the planet. 'This is where I believe the companion cube resides.' 

'And you wish me to go journey there and bring it back?' Loki could not understand how this was a feasible plan. 

'You need the Tesseract to travel there, it is outside even my power to reach. And the Chitauri will hunt you, so in order to have a chance of success, you must bring the Tesseract with you and unite them there.' 

'And leave me stranded there?' 

'You must create a portal back and go through as it collapses, which I have every confidence you can do. Thor told me a mortal named Stark did something similar on Midgard.' 

'That is hardly the biggest flaw in your plan,' Loki said. 'Why me?' 

'You have felt the effects of the Tesseract, and I believe you are best equipped to resist it.' 

'No, it is precisely because I am already infected by it that I should stay as far away from it as possible! You would send me out there alone-' 

'Thor will go with you.' 

Loki looked to Thor, who nodded, his eyes stern and determined. 

'We will succeed, Loki.' 

'I would do it, Father,' Loki said, shaking his head. 'But I must admit to my weakness. I am nearly half the size of my former self. My powers are like puffs of air.' 

'That is why you must grow strong. Thor will help you. Together, you will destroy the Tesseract.' 

'This is madness,' Loki said. 'Thor would be better off alone than to go with me.' 

'Loki,' Odin said, coming closer and looking very fatherly. 'You and Thor are both strong Warriors of Asgard, both with unique and complimenting abilities. In this mission, you are two halves of a whole. Only together will you succeed, this I know in my heart.' Loki tried to reply, but his arguments failed him for once. Odin's words sounded so genuine, as if the last years of their lives had not occurred. 'The Tesseract is safe here for now. We have not seen any attempts to take it. So, take your time and heal.' 

'Father- Even if I heal,' Loki hated that he was forced to argue like this. 'The Chitauri...' 

'I understand your reluctance,' Odin nodded. 'So, I will not order you to go. Once you are healed fully, then you can decide. There will be no shame if you refuse.' 

'But what of the Tesseract if I refuse?' 

'I will send another with Thor, but think not of that now.' He made a gesture. 'Thor.' 

Thor stepped forward. 'Come Loki,' he said, taking his arm. Loki felt a bit ill and allowed himself to be led out. 'I think we both need some fresh air.' They walked down the corridor towards the main staircase. It was empty and silent. 

'He can not be serious,' Loki said more to himself than Thor. 

'It is the only way to destroy it. If it remains here indefinitely, they will destroy Asgard itself to get it.' 

'You must go alone.' 

'I can not go without you,' Thor stopped them and looked at Loki. 'I have not your skill with magic and the energies of the universe. You have felt it in your soul. You think this makes you vulnerable, but it allows you to know your enemy.' 

'And if we fail? If we reach this world and I take the Tesseract to the Chitauri. What will you do then?' 

'Go and get you.' 

'You're insane, just like Father.' 

'And you're just going to let me go alone, mad as I am?' 

'Of course not,' Loki said, realising he had made the decision long before. Thor smiled. He reached out and placed both hands on Loki's slim shoulders, pulling him closer and pressing their foreheads together for a moment. Loki enjoyed the quiet intimacy, almost like they were children again making a promise. Thor's hands felt warm and big. Then the moment was gone, and they walked down. Loki realised they were going in the direction of one of the private gardens of the palace. He had not visited them in years, and he suspected it had been even longer for Thor. 

The garden was full of wild flowers and bushes, all overflowing in their beds, creeping up the sides of the small courtyard. Only a small path was cleared, winding its way like a snake, until it reached a small clearing with a fountain pool. The clearing was ringed by a long white stone bench. 

'You must take your time to heal,' Thor told him as they sat. 

'I don't want to take my time. I want to be strong again.' 

'You will be. Stronger than ever before.' 

The comment made Loki lift a hand and look at it, thinking again of his new ability. Thor must have suspected something. He shifted in his seat. 

'Your Jotun abilities should be practiced as well,' he said. Loki put his hand down, letting it disappear inside his long sleeve. 'Maybe you could create a long spear of ice.' 

'Maybe,' Loki said. He glanced askance at Thor. 'You really do not mind the idea?' 

'It is not in your nature to ignore something that gives you an edge in battle.' 

'Perhaps I will scare our enemies away by turning blue.' 

'Your blue form is not scary,' Thor laughed. Loki blinked at him – that was quite the reaction. He had not considered that Thor thought his form anything other than ugly and unsettling. 

'I suppose you think I look ridiculous, since you laugh.' 

'No,' Thor said with much force. He looked away. Was he embarrassed? Loki frowned. 'You are actually... in a way... beautiful.' 

Loki could say nothing to that. That did not make the remotest bit of sense. Yet Thor did not expose his joke, and continued to stare down at his knees. He looked almost like a shy youth in his tunic and trousers instead of his imposing armour. 

'You...' Loki attempted to speak. 'You prefer me blue?' 

'No, do not mock me,' Thor groaned. 'You are always beautiful, and you know it. I only meant that you are not like other Jotuns. You are nothing like them. They are big and ugly, with features like rock and frozen mud. You are just yourself, only blue, with those,' he waved his hand, 'markings. They are pretty, in a way.' 

'And red eyes,' Loki felt the need to point out. 

'Red eyes,' Thor shrugged. 'They're your eyes.' 

'Oh.' 

This was not something Loki could understand at the moment. He thought back to his dream, and the way his Jotun skin had swallowed his normal one. And the licking, of course. He cast his mind away from such thoughts, lest he blush, and focused on the flowers. Thor was painfully close, and Loki felt irrationally that he could read his thoughts. 

'Thank you,' he said suddenly, hoping to dispel the awkward and unfamiliar mood that had settled. 'I suppose it is nice to hear I'm not repellent.' 

'Of course you're not,' Thor said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He shook his head. 'Come, let us go to my rooms and have a game of Hnefatafl.' 

'Yes, good idea. We haven't played in years,' Loki said. 'Did you ever manage to beat me? I can't seem to recall.' He asked playfully as they rose. 

'I would if you would let me be white for once.' 

'But you are the Mighty Thor, and so it is you who should be the attacker.' 

'And you should hide in your tower?' 

'A strategic move, one I am not sure you are capable of.' 

'I am capable of beating you even from an inferior position!' 

'Do please show me how, I've yet to experience it.' 

'So you admit being white makes the game easier?' 

'I admit you are not very good at playing black.' 

Their teasing continued all the way to Thor's rooms, where Loki promptly beat him four times in a row. All while playing white of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game hnefatafl (I really want an English speaker to try and pronounce this at me, lol) is an old nordic board game once played across much of Northern Europe, but was eventually replaced by the spread of chess. I have a tendency to beat my sister (mowhahaha) so I had to throw that in there. It is really easy to learn, with lots of different version so you can find one that suits you. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tafl_games


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! :D I have been working on this non-stop since the end of my exams. So at least it's long. It is very difficult to flesh out this bit of the story enough for Loki and Thor's relationship to evolve as naturally as possible. I have been juggling the scenes in this chapter so much I'm going crazy, so no more editing! Hope you enjoy. You'll get another chapter asap. :)

Loki awoke the next morning feeling cautious. Thor came to eat breakfast with him, and Loki tried to guess if his brother was getting tired of watching over him. After breaking their fast, Thor decided it was time they took a walk so that Loki could regain his strength. 

Loki agreed, though he would rather have stayed in his rooms. He knew it was only a matter of time before they encountered people who would stop and stare, or mutter something when Thor's back was turned. 

Thor led the way through the palace, and all the servants they met looked down as they passed, and Loki felt no eyes on his back either. Perhaps Odin had managed to keep the facts about his imprisonment quiet. The palace was a big place, however, and there was no force stronger than gossip. Surely something must have escaped. They could not have captured every guard who watched, or silenced every prisoner. 

It was not until they reached the lower levels Loki realised in what direction they were heading. 

'I thought you said we were going for a walk?' 

'We are walking right now,' Thor said with a sly smile. 'But I thought a good destination might encourage you.' 

'You hate the library,' Loki pointed out. 'You always had me or mother bring you books, and if you ever did come down, it was only to hound me to go outside with you.' 

'I am glad your memory has not suffered,' Thor said as they continued walking. 

They reached the last stair to the library, wide and long, descending as a low angle far into the high-vaulted room. There were no windows here, only crystals at the reading posts and at the high point of every arch, so that the towering rows of shelves seemed like walls in a dark maze. Every fifty meters or so there was a break in the rows, and a small square space with a reading desk. The shelves were of white marble, seeming endless and immutable, matching the wall and ceiling. The floor was chequered with brown and grey marble, and its pattern had made Loki dizzy once when he had attempted to climb one of the shelves. 

This was were Fandral had first approached him, all those years ago. From the top of the stairs Loki could barely see the dark corners at the far end. But this was also his sanctuary for so many other moments in his life, and not even the memory of Fandral could taint it. The troves of knowledge contained within this vast chamber were more powerful than any one such as him could conceive. 

Thor let Loki go down first, and kept a silent vigil as Loki revisited his favourite sections. He let his fingers glide across tome after tome, hearing their whispers of secrets. There was magic here, and he could still hear it. It was such a relief to find a warm welcome. When he came to a particular book, one of the first he had mastered in his youth, he stopped and listened, closing his eyes and feeling the spine of the book vibrate as it struggled to open while still in his confinement. 

Behind him, Thor gave a soft laugh. 

'They are still your pets.' 

'They are not alive,' Loki said. 

'Then why do they disturb me so?' 

'Because knowledge can be a terrible thing.' 

'One I am sure not to burden myself with?' Thor finished the old taunt. So old now. Loki was all at once a young boy being tickled and half-dragged from his chair. Thor was insisting he come to practice, and then Loki had called him something ugly, and Thor had called him a whimpering maid. Their mother had not liked that argument one bit. 

'Knowledge best left to maids and conjurers showing off in the market,' Loki countered with Thor's old jab. Thor laughed at their childhood bickering. Loki glanced behind at him leaning against the shelf, looking at Loki with an expression that could only be described as fond. Loki let the book go and turned. 

'You can leave me here for a while, if you want.' 

'I do not want to leave you anywhere,' Thor said, shrugging. 'Besides, it is high time I conquered my old fear.'

'You never feared this place,' Loki snorted. 

'It's a great big, dark cave that stole you from me for hours, even days,' Thor said. 'Not to mention mother.' His face fell at the thought of her. 

'She didn't like staying down here much,' Loki admitted. 'She said it was too dark to read and too cold.' He reached up and touched the book again. 

'Well, today you can stay as long as you like, and I won't complain.' 

'Very generous of you, but not necessary.' 

'Which one is your favourite?' Thor asked, pointedly changing the subject. 'You must have one.' 

'Like a Warrior has a favourite weapon?' 

'Is it this one?' Thor stepped close and reached for the book Loki was touching. The movement put him right up against Loki, who let go of the book as if burnt. Thor's face seemed to morph into Fandral, his hair shortening, his face softening. He leaned close with a smirk. 

'Do you write your secrets in books like this?' he whispered. Their fingers brushed together, their chests almost touching. 

'Loki?

Thor was looking at him with a frown. 

'You look as if you are miles away.' 

'No,' Loki shook his head to clear it. 'I was just considering your question. There are so many books to chose from.' 

'I can't even imagine,' Thor said with a self-deprecating smile. 

'I know you had a few favourites too,' Loki scolded him. 'Come, let's see if we can find them.' 

XXX

Time passed, slowly. Every day Loki ate a little more, and walked a little further. Still only within the palace walls, and never when they knew were would be any sort of gathering of people. Thor stalked him like a lost puppy, never straying from his side except to sleep. Loki waited for the day when he would be sick of it, or for something he did to drive him away. He kept his fear hidden, but he knew that any day Thor could change his mind, or break his vow. 

His dreams were bad. He actually preferred it when the Jotun visited him, and even his more disturbing dreams about Thor that he only half-remembered were preferable to Fandral coming to him in the night. Whenever that happened he awoke screaming and hard, and it shamed him. 

Thor wanted him to start training. Loki dreaded the idea. It would only showcase his weakness, but he knew it was necessary. After a week on solid foods and long walks, he tentatively began doing stretches and some strengthening exercises. He did them before Thor arrived in the morning. 

Thor eventually got him down into the training arena to do some combat moves. Loki found himself unable to resist Thor's eager face, as if one battle against a few straw opponents would magically heal him. 

The arena was deserted, either by chance or Thor's design. He set up three beginner's dummies at the far end of the sandy circle. It was very large. There were two entrances opposite each other. The walls were white stone to about waist height, then columns rose with three meter intervals, the spectators protected by glass between them. The columns ended in beautiful arches decorated with the faces of warriors carved in stone. 

Loki removed his outer robe, leaving him in just a simple green tunic, leather belt, brown leggings, and boots. He wore his hair tied back in a string. Why he had not cut it yet, he did not know. 

He decided on a few throwing knifes first, to test how much his accuracy had suffered. Three beheaded dummies later, he felt the first flash of pride. Thor gave a childish whoop, and helped set up the dummies again. 

He did not take the knives back from Thor, and instead walked to the middle of the circle, breathing carefully. He summoned his magic, feeling it hum within him. He spun, releasing a wave of energy towards the dummies. They were blasted back with surprising force. 

'Your strength is returning,' Thor announced, a bit prematurely, but Loki couldn't help but return his enthusiastic smile. 

'There is still a long way to go before I am ready to go on Father's mission.' 

'Do not think of that,' Thor said. 'The only thing that matters is your health.' 

Thor fetched a sturdier dummy and had Loki hit it. He spun and kicked, jabbed and punched. Thor nodded from the sidelines every time the dummy wobbled enough to keel over. He stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed. He wore a sleeveless tunic that day, and the muscles on his arms and shoulders were prominently displayed, even though he seemed to have no intention of training. Loki looked down at his own body. He was so thin, though every day he gained weight. 

A page suddenly appeared by the door and ran towards Thor with a note. 

'Father summons me,' Thor said. 'Do you wish to come?' 

'No... I will train a bit more.' He shouldn't stay here alone, he thought, but at the same time he did not want Thor to think he needed taking care of like a child. It was time he walked the halls without fear. 

Thor looked sceptical, but wordlessly passed by Loki, placing a brief hand on his shoulder. 

'Send for me if you need me,' he said, and left. Loki stayed stubbornly, not wanting to run back to his rooms. 

He hit the dummy some more, then did his exercises in the middle of the arena. It was nice and quiet all the while. Perhaps it was too early for the regular Warriors. 

He worked up a sweat before admitting he had to stop or make himself sick. He put on his robe and left. He passed through the adjacent rooms quickly – bathing, weapons, smaller training rooms – and found himself in the hallway and no longer alone. 

Three Asgardians were coming down the stairs. They were Warriors, speaking in challenging tones to each other about the sparring they were about to do. Loki lifted his chin slightly and stared straight ahead. 

'Look, there he is,' one of them said not-so-quietly. Loki ignored them, but tensed as he drew level with them. He was about to pass between them when one of them side-stepped in front of him. 

'Move aside,' Loki said stiffly. The Warrior grinned at him, eyes narrowing. He was big and burly, not as fat as Volstagg, but still more than strong enough to handle Loki on his own.

'We know what you're good for, Jotun,' he said, voice low. 'So, why don't you just strip and get down on your knees right now.' 

'You are addressing a Prince of Asgard,' Loki said. 'For your rudeness, you will be punished, mark my words.' All three of them snickered and exchanged knowing glances. 

'You're no Prince,' the brute said. 'Just a whore.' His companions pounced at the same time, grabbing at Loki's arms. He spun out of their grasp at the same moment, unleashing a wave of energy all around him. The Warriors were thrown back, and Loki wasted no time in running for the stairs. If he could reach them, he hoped there would be servants or other people. 

Why wasn't he turning and fighting? A small part of him asked. He glanced behind him, and saw only the inevitable. 

His pursuers recovered quickly, jumping up and sprinting after him. The thinnest of them reached him at the third step. He got a fistful of his robes and pulled. Loki toppled straight into the brute's arms. 

He elbowed the man in the face and felt deep satisfaction in hearing his yell of pain, but it wasn't enough to loosen his grip. The Warrior spun with Loki in his arms, and with a grunt he tossed Loki to one of his companion. 

'Got him,' the next one grunted. Loki punched him in the face as hard as he could and kneed him in the groin. This time he was let go. 'Squirming little bitch!' 

Loki felt the third one reaching for him and spun, kicking at the man's head. His leg was intercepted, and the Warrior grinned as he twisted Loki's leg, forcing him to fall or have his leg broken. 

'I got him,' the third one wrapped his arms around Loki's torso and lifted him. Loki kicked ineffectually as his chin was grabbed by the first one, his face forced up to look at him. 

'Why are you fighting?' he mocked. 'We know you like it.'

'You will regret this,' Loki hissed. He took a deep breath and turned blue. The Warrior holding him screamed in pain and let go. The other two stepped back in fear. 

'You fucking Jotun whore,' one of them screamed. Loki glanced at the frostbitten one. He was whimpering in pain, curling in on himself against the wall. The other two weren't making a move. Loki ran up the stairs and round the corner. He was about to run up the next flight when Thor's presence stopped him cold. He had such speed he almost ran into him, but managed to stumble backwards just shy of touching him. 

'Loki, what's happened?' They could hear the screams of the injured Warrior. 

'I- I didn't mean to,' he lied. Thor frowned and stepped around him, looking down the stairs. 

'What happened here?' he yelled down to the three. They looked up with terror in their eyes. 

'He attacked us!' one of them screamed, and Loki ran. He changed back to his own colour as he reached the top of the next flight. All the way to his rooms, he tried to calm himself and walk more slowly. The few servants he passed stepped aside as if he would attack them. He slammed his doors shut and looked about him for somewhere to go. He felt anxious and a bit wild, so he paced, taking calming breaths. Thor would be here soon, either to condemn or comfort him... he had a feeling it might be the former. He had severely injured a Warrior of Asgard. Not one who was well-known or important, but still. He had permanently maimed him. 

The prison assaulted him, the walls of his room turning white, closing in on him. The elf was there, and his three friends from the forest. Then Fandral materialized like a phantom. 

It's not real, Loki thought, covering his eyes. 

'Loki.' 

He fell to his knees, preparing himself. Fandral was right in front of him. If he reached out- He knew it would be better if he did it unbidden. He kept his eyes closed, in case tears threatened, and felt soft fabric and a belt. He lifted the tunic, searching with both hands. 

Suddenly, hands were gripping his shoulders and shaking him violently. 

'Loki!'

Thor's voice parted the darkness, and Loki opened his eyes to find Thor on his knees in front of him, shaking him. The room was as before. It had felt like a vision, or a waking dream. 

'Loki?' Thor repeated, finally stopping his shaking. 

'Yes, I'm here,' Loki said. He reached out and framed Thor's face, focusing on the small details. It helped. 

'Are you hurt?' 

'No, no, I was... I'm not sure- hallucinating, or something,' he rambled. 

'The Warriors, Loki,' Thor said. 'Did they hurt you?' 

'What? No- I hurt them, I think.' The whole scene felt fuzzy in his head. 

'No more than he deserved,' Thor growled. 'They are all in custody.' 

'I scarred him...' 

'A very good tactical manoeuvre,' Thor said. He was staring at Loki oddly, holding himself very still. Loki was still holding his face, so he let go abruptly and rose, Thor following him. 'Are you feeling better?' 

'Yes, I'm fine.' Loki turned away. 'I should not have walked alone while not at my full strength.' 

'Those Warriors were never worthy of the distinction. Trust me, their actions were aberrant,' Thor growled. 

'Thor, please, do not pretend the rest of Asgard would welcome me among them.' 

Feeling Thor was close, Loki turned to find him standing very close indeed, his eyes fierce. 

'The people of Asgard have condemned Fandral for his torture, not you. I admit they do not all accept the idea of your Jotun self, but believe me, they would not attack you thusly, unprovoked.' 

'I suppose it helps that there is no chance of me becoming King,' Loki said. 'As least they have no reason to fear me, now I have been cowed so completely.' He calmed himself completely with the thought. 

'Loki,' Thor sighed and turned away. Loki frowned at his back, at the way he bowed his head. Thor walked out onto the balcony. Loki followed, curious. He came to stand next to Thor, staring out over the city. 

'We all know you can never be king,' Thor said with deep regret. Loki could not help it, his old bitterness burst like a geyser, and he laughed. 

'I could never be king,' he said. 'Not now, not ever. I knew that from a very young age.' 

'How can you say that?' Thor looked at him. 'We were both born to be king.' 

'King of Jotunheim, perhaps,' Loki said with a snort. 

'You know what I mean,' Thor said. 'Do not play with my words.' 

'I live in your shadow, Thor, do not pretend otherwise,' Loki said, looking away. 'But I am too tired to have this old argument out now. I can admit to my jealousy freely, but it still weighs heavy. It drove me to ruin your coronation, which ultimately put me right here.' 

'If I made you jealous, then I am at fault as well.' 

'Stop being so noble,' Loki half-hissed, half-begged. 'Just because I am weak and humiliated, does not mean I need your pity on every subject.' He swore under his breath for letting his emotions get so high after what had just happened to him. All of it would exhaust him by the end of the day, he knew it. 

'Loki, please, I did not explain properly,' Thor said. 'I need you. When I am king, I need you there beside me, always and forever. Your guidance, your support. I can not do it alone. That is what I meant to say to you. And it is nowhere near pity.' 

'What you are describing is the role of a Queen,' Loki said. He looked at Thor, who ducked his head. 

'Mock me if you wish, but that is not what I mean and you know it,' he said. 'I can not do this alone.' 

'What in the Nine are you talking about?' Loki asked, more confused at every turn this conversation was taking. Thor looked almost afraid; the emotion was strange on his face. 

'I can not be king alone,' Thor bit out as if it physically pain him. 'I know I would be a disappointment. I have not the wisdom of you and Father, nor your skill in diplomacy. And though you are not her son by blood, you have more of Frigga in your right hand than I in my whole being. If I were alone, I fear I would be a War-King and nothing else.' 

Loki was speechless after Thor's confession. The Mighty God of Thunder, now small in his plain tunic and leggings, leaned on the balcony railing, staring down at the people below he would one day rule. Loki had never, ever, in all his days of bitterness and judgement, considered that Thor did not look forward to the day of his coronation like a child counts the days until his name day. Not once had Thor admitted a fear of failure. He had admitted nervousness on the day, Loki recalled, but that had been like butterflies on a wedding day. Loki did not understand. Thor was Odin's son through and through. How could he doubt his succession would not be as he intended? 

Then his mind brought up and calculated the sum of a multitude of tiny moments, all of them piecing together a more nuanced story. Thor's strained smile once when someone had proclaimed he would one day lead Asgard to new glory. A moment of indecisiveness during one of their battles, where Loki had stepped in and shielded them in fog for escape. A frown as he had tried to follow Odin's long story of how he had conquered vast tracks of land with politics and not a drop of blood spilt. Thor had always been confident, but perhaps that confidence was not ever-present and all-powerful. 

'You can not have always felt thus,' Loki ventured into the silence. 

'There were moments,' Thor admitted. 'Even at my most arrogant. But my time on Midgard changed me, and when I thought I had lost you forever-' He bowed his head further, closing his eyes. 'Asgard may never see you the way I see you, but I swear they will have no son of Odin as king if you leave me again.' 

'I can't vow to that,' Loki said, apologetically. 

'I know,' Thor nodded. 'I do not ask you to. I just-' he sighed, shaking his head. 'I have lost my purpose. I do not know why I told you these things.' 

Loki reached out hesitantly, placing a hand on Thor's shoulder, who looked up expectantly. 

'Thank you,' Loki said. 'I do not think I truly believed your vow until now.' Thor smiled, a little sad, but relieved. He rose and carefully enveloped Loki in his embrace, giving Loki ample time to withdraw if he needed. Loki closed his eyes and rested his head on Thor's shoulder. He tried to feel what it meant to know he was not judged for what had happened. He blamed himself still, and he knew he would never stop feeling shame, but Thor, through loyalty or love, somehow did not see it. He did not see Loki as the villain. 

He lost track of how long they stood like that, but in the end Thor withdrew. He looked Loki over, then suggested they have something to eat. A servant brought a note for Thor, explaining that the Warriors had confessed and that if Loki was willing to testify tomorrow, Odin would judge them. Loki decided not to think of it until he needed to. Thor remained until long into the night, even just sitting with Loki while he read. It wasn't that he was afraid to leave him alone – there was a strange atmosphere between them after Thor's confession. It was foreign, but not entirely unpleasant. 

When Loki was so tired he was having trouble holding his head up, Thor helped him into bed, and collapsed next to him. Loki gave a brief thought to the fact that they had not fallen sleep together since their childhood, but sleep claimed him before he could form a reaction. 

The Jotun was in his dreams, waiting for him. 

A cave of ice, a glittering dome, with Loki on a fur bed in the middle. The Jotun came through the wall, like he had been frozen there. Loki watched him approach, occasionally reaching for him, but that seemed to increase the size of the cave. He tried to lie back and be patient. He realised he was clothed and removed them, ripping them from his skin like layers of green fat. It was such a strange sight he almost laughed. The dome glittered like the sun was right above. If the Jotun did not come soon, the sun would burn through, and burn Loki as well. He tried calling to the Jotun, but his voice never seemed to work in his dreams. 

Finally, the Jotun was at his side, he knelt and Loki let him take him into his arms. His skin sighed in pleasure as he turned blue. The Jotun sucked on his neck, licking and taking small bites. 

'Feel me,' the Jotun instructed, pushing two fingers inside Loki. He sat up to watch as Loki squirmed and moaned while he toyed with him. The fingers felt like ice and fire all at once, scissoring him further and further open. 

'Fuck me,' Loki told him. Had he been pink, he would have blushed. He did not know how Jotuns blushed. He turned his head away as the Jotun pulled his hips towards him, his cock pushing in impossibly slow. Loki made a keening noise, trying to will the Jotun to go faster, but he could never force time to pass in his dreams. The Jotun only slowed further, and Loki's desperation increased. He tried to reach down to pull himself onto the Jotun's cock. 'Please, fuck me,' he ordered. 

He was so frustrated he wished the Jotun would leave him alone instead. He touched his own cock, pumping it. If he came, maybe he would wake up. Suddenly the Jotun shimmered away, and the pelt underneath him rose up like a wave to cover him. 

His thoughts blurred. He pushed against the pelt, screaming soundlessly. Off, off, he thought desperately. 

'Loki,' Thor whispered and Loki stilled. Thor appeared on top of the pelt, holding him down. Loki immediately drained the blue from his skin lest Thor be burnt. 

The sunny dome above them dimmed, until there was nothing but the dark ceiling of his own rooms left. He realised very slowly that he was actually awake, and it was the real Thor who was above him. It was the sheet of his bed, and not a pelt, that lay between them. 

'Are you awake?' Thor asked. 

'Yes,' Loki gasped. 'I was having a nightmare.' 

'Ugh, yes,' Thor rolled off, his face turning red, and Loki knew his lie was pointless. He blushed hotly himself, wondering how much he had exposed. Thor lay silently next to him. 

'Was it... was it Fandral?' 

'No,' Loki said forcefully. Thor nodded to the ceiling, relaxing slightly. 

Thor tried not to think about what he had just witnessed. Loki had been attacked, he should focus on making certain his brother recovered, and that the perpetrators were punished. 

Thor could not deny the picture Loki had made, writhing and moaning so obscenely. He took comfort in knowing it had not been Fandral Loki had been fantasising about. Thor dared not ask who it had been, but in his heart he hoped it had been someone worthy. Doubtful, considering Loki's problems, especially how he sometimes forgot where he was. When he had found Loki after the attack, on his knees, ready to... Thor shuddered at the horrifying thought of what that action implied. He wanted so desperately to take away all those events. He wish he could smash the memories with Mjølnir. 

'My apologies for waking you,' Loki said stiffly. 

'It does not matter,' Thor said. He shifted in the bed. 'I should have leave you.' He got up and left. His skin felt flushed. He needed air and solitude. 

After the incident, Loki was again reluctant to go far from the inner rooms of the palace, the only exception being the library. Thor sometimes went out among the people, and though he knew he got some odd glances at his constant lack of armour, the majority of the gossip that trailed in his wake was about Loki and what had happened to him. They whispered of Fandral's crimes, and although there were still those who speculated about “the Jotun”, the majority were too disgusted by what had happened. 

Very few understood Loki's own crimes. His time as “king” had been too brief, and technically legitimate, and though he was not loved among the people, his actions on Midgard were of little interest, and he had been pardoned in any case. Fandral's treatment of a prisoner, Jotun or otherwise, would be a tale told by young boys to disgust and terrify one another. 

Loki gained strength and muscle every day, and Thor realised he was noting every new inch of him. It was like seeing Loki grow up anew, like meeting him for the first time. He was still mostly sad and quiet, but with strength came that old pride ever-so-slowly. Loki stood a little taller every day as his magic came back to him. Once, he even tricked Thor with his old doubling illusion, and they shared a laugh. 

'You look good,' Thor said one day after a good training set in the arena – Loki had finally been persuaded back. He was flushed, in a sleeveless tunic like Thor, and there were actual muscles on his arms. He gave a small smile back. 

'I feel much improved,' he admitted. 

'I've been meaning to ask you something,' Thor said as he righted the dummies. 'If you wanted to come with me to the Solstice Festival.' 

'You sound like you're asking a maid to dance,' Loki laughed. 'Are you mad? I can't go outside the palace.' 

'Of course you can,' Thor said. 'I've told you before, no one will want to harm you.' 

'Thor,' Loki sighed. 'I appreciate your attempt at-'

'You can't stay cooped up forever,' Thor argued. 'Please, come with me brother.' 

'Fine, but I know I'll regret it.' 

Thor was in a good mood the rest of the day. The next day, he finally got to wear his armour again, since it was a festival and the Allfather knew the importance of appearance, especially if he was going to escort Loki among the people again. Odin was not as confident in his people's opinion as Thor. 

The Solstice festival was perhaps Thor's favourite. Food, drink, games and bonfires in every square of the city. No tedious rituals or long parades Thor had to watch. He could simply go amongst the people and be merry. It seemed like decades since he had last enjoyed it. He had not wanted to without Loki. 

When the hour to go out came, he donned his armour and had servants make a few braids in his hair the way Frigga always liked it. He went to Loki and knocked, waiting for his brother to appear. 

The door opened and Loki stepped out. Thor felt a surge of feeling inside him. Loki was wearing his old armour, and his hair was cut at last the way he had always preferred it. He looked almost like his old self. A few more weeks and he might reach his old strength. 

He smiled when he saw Thor. 

'Finally, I was beginning to think you had given up your Warrior ways,' he teased. 

'You look fantastic,' Thor said, approaching and embracing his brother. 'I am proud of you.' When he stepped back he was certain he saw a blush in Loki's cheeks, but it was dispersed with a tense cough. 

'Thank you, shall we go?' 

The city was alive like no other time in the year. People cheered as they passed – well, as Thor passed – there were more than a few curious stares, but for the most part they just ignored Loki. He did all the necessary interacting, getting food and drink, letting children test their strength on him. In years past, the children would also ask Loki for some sort of display of magic, but Thor thought that unlikely, until one small boy dared to walk past him to stand in front of Loki. 

It took a moment for him to realise someone was demanding his attention. When he did he looked down with an odd expression, as if waiting for a taunt or childish name-calling. 

'My brother says you can make dragons,' the little boy said, turning and pointing at a young man who ducked his head and pretended to be interested in his drink. 

Thor feared Loki would sneer or simply turn away. The boy was correct, Loki had often amazed people with his light-magic on this day, but that had been long ago. To everyone's surprise, Loki regarded the boy with an air of curiosity, as if this was the first time he had heard of such a thing. 

'Hmm, what sort of dragon?' Loki asked. 

'A big one, made of light, with great big wings and it breathed fire!' the young boy demonstrated with its size by stretching his arms all the way out. 

'Let me see...' Loki lifted his hands and a ball of light grew between them. The crowd fell silent. He parted his hands and the light stretched. Thor watched in fascination as Loki formed it into a great yellow dragon. Once formed, he released it, and the dragon flew down and danced around the little boy, who laughed and snatched at it. The dragon breathed fire of light and the crowd started clapping. Thor could not help his grin, and watched as Loki's eyes widened in surprise. 

After the display, several other children stepped forward to requests animals of their own. Thor let them have their fun and watched Loki's magic like a hawk. The moment one of the animals seemed to shine a little less, he ushered Loki away. 

They found a slightly secluded spot between two food stalls a few streets down. Loki glanced down at the children who were still chasing his last creations past the end of the street. 

'Are you all right?' Thor asked. 

'A little winded, but it felt good.' 

They smiled at each other. For a brief moment, it was almost as if their time apart had never happened. 

'That was kind of you,' Thor remarked. 

'It seemed silly not to grant the request,' Loki said, his eyes and thoughts far away. 'I had almost forgotten how to do it.'

'So, you do not regret coming?' Thor asked. 

'Not yet,' Loki said pointedly. 

'Then we shall drink!' 

Loki rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to be dragged to an alehouse. 

They were seated at a good table at once, and many of the Warriors demanded stories of valour from Thor, and songs to sing. Loki remained silent through most of it, but he was not purposefully excluded. He was more ignored by necessity, since no one really knew how to act around him. 

Thor had maidens falling all over him, which he was used to. He was far more interested in seeing if anyone looked at Loki now that he was more himself. He knew that while the maidens traditionally fawned over Thor and the Warriors Three, Loki was usually not completely without attentions. The rumours about his Jotun heritage might change this. 

But a few hours into the evening, a pretty young man, who had been staring unabashed at Loki for who knew how long, approached cautiously. He ducked his head in a respectful manner, but Thor could not hear what was said between them. Loki was half turned away from him, so he only saw a hint of a frown. The young lad, one of beautiful potential, leaned in so he could be heard over the rabble. 

Thor would have preferred it if a maiden had given Loki attention. It was impossible not to think of the events in the prison where men were concerned. At least this was a young man, with no hope of overpowering Loki with brute force. 

Loki listened to him, said something, and then the young man scurried away. Thor could not tell if he was upset or not. That was the end of it, as far as Thor knew. 

XXX

Thor leaned heavily on Loki, thankful for his brother's returned strength, as they stumbled into his bedroom. 

'It was a good Solstice!' he declared, feeling nice and fuzzy. The warm blanket of ale and mead dulled his senses in a good way. Loki snorted, but Thor knew he had had a bit of fun. There had been too much noise and cheer for them to hear the few whispers of gossip that followed them. No one dared say anything out loud in Thor's presence, and if a few gave them a wide berth, Loki did not mention it. 

Loki deposited Thor on his bed and 'tsked', before wielding one last bit of magic, removing Thor's armour. He grunted in thanks. Loki reached down and brushed the hair out of his face. 

'Thank you for going with me,' Thor murmured. 

'Thank you for asking me,' Loki said. His hand was still on Thor's forehead. 'It opened my eyes.' 

'To what?' 

'I do not have the love of the people like you, I never had.' Loki's voice was soft, but not accusing. 'But at your side I might be able to stay in the shadow of acceptability.' 

'No more shadows for you, Loki,' Thor begged. He reached up and touched Loki's face. 'I love you, and one day everyone will know it.' 

'I think they do,' Loki smiled. 'You're not exactly subtle.' Thor laughed, because it was so true. He was terrible at those games. He reached longer and slipped his hand behind Loki's head. The sun had still not quite set, it being the longest day in their calendar, and Loki's face was illuminated by a warm, red light. Gone were the shadows under his eyes, and he did not look as haunted as before. They were making progress, Thor allowed himself to believe. 

'Are you going to let me go to my room?' Loki asked, a bemused smile on his lips. A beautiful smile, Thor wanted to keep it there forever. There would be no more terror in those blue orbs. 

'No,' Thor said, pulling Loki down on top of him. Loki landed with a surprised 'oomph,' his head in the crook of Thor's neck. He struggled to get free, but Thor wrapped his arms around him and hugged him. A nice, good hug. It was very comfortable, Thor could fall asleep like this. 

'Thor, get your drunken paws off,' Loki grumbled. Thor released him enough for him to push himself up a bit, giving Thor a reprimanding stare. 

'By the Nine, Loki,' Thor said, halfway to a dream-state already. 'How are you more beautiful than any maiden I know?' Perhaps especially with his short hair, which Thor had missed, Loki had a beauty wholly his own. He thought of that young man in the alehouse, and what he no doubt had dreamed of doing with Loki. The thought caused a surge of ill feeling in his stomach. 

'I suppose it is my feminine traits,' Loki said. 

'You are no female,' Thor chuckled. He moved, sticking his hand in between them, reaching for something to prove it. Loki jumped off the bed suddenly, and Thor laughed. His drunkenness claimed him. 

He did not see the way Loki stared at him for several minutes before finally leaving for his rooms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am genuinely sorry it's taken me this long to post. Christmas in my family is a bit hard-core, and I only started this chapter after New Year's. I hope everyone had a good one! Thank you if you're still reading this. I know it's a bit short, but I had to get back into the groove!
> 
> Edit: sorry, something odd happened when I posted it, so I had to delete it and do it again.

The halls of the palace were empty after the night's revelries, and Loki walked undisturbed to his quarters, though his thoughts were far from calm. Intellectually, he reasoned that Thor had been drunk, and unaware of his actions. Emotionally, he thought of how men grew bold with the help of ale or mead. Did Thor want that from him? No, his brother was not so perverse. He loved Loki, misguided though that loyalty was, and besides, there was his Vow, which he professed so ardently. 

He would not sully his Vow with wants like that. Even if he did lust after Loki physically, he would know that would go against his vow of reparations to Loki. He had to know that...

Then again, Thor had never been one to understand another's feelings. Perhaps he thought Loki's Jotun nature compelled him to do service to others in that fashion. For all Loki knew, Thor thought he was fulfilling his vow by allowing Loki to follow his instincts. 

No, all of this was nonsense. Loki locked his doors with the strongest spell he could muster and paced his rooms. Thor had made a simple drunken move, like the Warriors did on one another all the time. Like the slap on the backside after a good wrestle. It was nothing. 

The fact that Loki's heart rate had sped up, and his cock had sprung to attention, was a matter he had suppressed entirely. 

What would it be like? His treacherous mind whispered. To touch and please Thor thus? Would it be even more intense than with the Jotun? Would Loki's pleasure be wrung from him despite his shame? 

Loki's face burned as his mind conjured up images he did not wish for. He almost banged his head against the wall in frustration. What was wrong with him now? Was it not enough what Fandral had made him feel, or that the Jotun had opened up new possibilities of pleasure? Was the mere suggestion of Thor now going to haunt him? 

He threw himself into bed and subdued his mind with meditative techniques, but once asleep, his dreams were let loose. 

He was lying on a wide icy plain. A lake? He thought he could see mountains in the distance, but when he tried to look, they seemed to undulate, almost like they were waves. All around him was the bluish ice of Jotunheim, so he looked to his skin to confirm he was in his Jotun form. 

He felt something on his foot, and looked up to see his Jotun pulling at his boot. He pointed his foot so it slipped off easily, and the Jotun started licking between his toes. It should have disgusted him, but that ridged tongue sent shoots of nervous energy up his leg, almost as spears of arousal. Loki sighed and laid back, eyes fluttering shut. 

It was then he felt something strange. The sheet of ice beneath him was melting, only it wasn't just turning into water. It felt like it was softening, like it was turning into quicksand. He opened his eyes just as his body started sinking down into it. He gasped for air as he was swallowed by the strange, viscous substance. 

In the blink of an eye he was on the other side, or underside, of where he had been, like he had been swallowed into the mirror world. It was a golden room of Asgardian make, and he was lying on an endless silken bed. It was soft and warm, in beautiful emerald green. 

He looked around, only finding Thor kneeling in front of him on his second pass around the room. He almost said hello, but there was something in his brother's eyes that stopped him. Thor, eyes never leaving Loki's, took the remaining boot-covered foot and slowly pulled. He brought the bare foot to his lips and kissed the side, making Loki shiver. 

He started crawling up Loki's body, and Loki wanted to yell at him to stop playing games. Thor usually only watched, but now he seemed impatient. He put his large hand right in the middle of Loki's chest, pushing him to lie completely on his back. He grinned, gripping Loki's chest plate as if it was made of fabric, and pulled. 

Loki's whole body was bared, as if only a thin sheet had been covering it. He blushed as Thor's eyes raked over him top to bottom and up again. Carefully, he leaned down and kissed Loki's chest, then nibbled his way up to his neck, lifting his head to reach Loki's lips-

The bed under him turned to jelly in an instant, and Loki sunk down, only to spin and come up the other side. He was blue and cold at once, and in place of Thor was the Jotun, and he was licking Loki's chest with abandon. The ridges of his tongue almost sent spasms through Loki's body. Loki arched his back, reaching for the Jotun's head to try and keep himself there. He was painfully hard, and tried to rut against the Jotun's thigh. The Jotun raised his head and Loki forced him down onto his lips, plunging his tongue in. 

He closed his eyes, and although he felt the ice beneath him soften and almost bubble around him, he pretended he didn't notice. It was not until the cold turned warm, and he could no longer feel the ridges on the Jotun's tongue that he started wondering. He opened his eyes to find Thor's face on his, their mouths pressed together. Loki gasped, but Thor ignored it. He instead reached down and wrapped a firm hand around Loki's arousal. 

Loki gave in, and closed his eyes to Thor's kiss. He mewled and fucked Thor's hand with desperate need. Thor's body was still covered in armour. Loki's magic had never been predictable in his dreams, but he raised a hand anyway and cast a spell. Instead of stripping Thor, the mattress under them turned to quicksand, sending them both down into it. 

They were weightless, and by dream-logic Thor's armour had been unable to follow them, peeling away as he had sunk down. Their bodies floated together. Thor's strong arms came round, and Loki's mind was as muddled as the strange substance they were in. All he could think or feel was Thor. Thor's skin was perfect and pink, and his cock was worthy of the never-ending gossip. 

He got his legs around Thor's waist, and that was a perfect position. Thor sucked on his neck, as Loki tried to will him to go inside. They slowly rotated in their weightlessness, but somehow Thor still found purchase, and too slowly yet all at once he was inside Loki and fucking him. Loki's member was getting pleasurable friction between them, and Loki tried to gasp, but there was no air to breathe. 

Even as his pleasure built, a part of Loki's mind was aware they were sinking. Somewhere below them was the ice world, and the Jotun. Loki tried to will them upwards, but that never worked in his dreams. 

As Thor's movements became frantic, almost animalistic, Loki's left foot touched the edge of the quicksand bridge. The ice poured in as quick as a water through a breaking damn. Loki's skin turned instantly blue, and as he screamed, Thor turned black, then blue, then their world exploded. 

Loki sat up in a cold sweat, throat raw. He cursed himself, threw off the covers, and went to the balcony for some fresh air. He marvelled at how a mind such as his, which he considered near genius most of the time, could produce such nonsense when free of consciousness. 

After doing his exercises and washing, he found it was still far too early for the rest of Asgard to be up after such a night. He decided it was safe to go down to the library for some peace and solitude. 

As he wandered down to the cold, dark maze, his mind unhelpfully pointed out that his Jotun nature explained why he had always loved this place. What truly came first? His love of this place, or his love of knowledge? He would most likely never know. 

He found a reading spot in a far flung corner, content to skim over old favourites, reminding himself of what had fascinated him about magic when Frigga had first suggested he had a talent for it. Odin had not been very encouraging, and that made more sense now. He did not want Loki to be more different than absolutely necessary. 

After about half an hour, Loki heard the unmistakeable sound of footsteps. They were being made by someone who clearly was trying to be quiet, though not invisible. Someone with respect for the silence of the library. Loki could follow the sound perfectly – the person was clearly visiting every reading nook in turn, as if he was searching for someone. Loki tensed and stood, stepping silently into one of the rows of books to hide. 

A moment later and a young Asgardian appeared, looking about with disappointment as he realised Loki was not there. His young face was still slightly round but with a sharp enough chin to be handsome not pretty. He was brown of hair and eye. His hair was still short, but there were several small braids in it. 

It was the young man from the festival. The one whose brother had dared approach Loki to request a light-dragon, and who had later dared himself to approach Loki in the tavern. 

He was clearly wearing his best clothes: a dark red tunic of good fabric, tied with a knotted leather belt, high brown boots, and robes of deep red, striped with golden knotted highlights, making him appear taller than he was. 

He was very handsome, and with no alcohol to dull his bright eyes, his boldness at coming here was almost sweet. 

He carried a book with him and placed it on the reading table, only then noticing the books Loki had left behind. Stupid mistake. He looked around him, as if waiting for Loki to spring forth. When nothing happened, he sat down on Loki's chair and looked at the open book. Loki knew it would be unwise for him to read such advanced spells. He might get ideas. 

Loki stepped forward, deliberately making noise. The young man's head shot up, eyes wide. 

'My Prince,' he gasped. Loki had a vision, the type he used to have when he was bitter and jealous and scheming, only thinking of how people could be of use to him. He had spent so long being manipulated, he had almost forgotten how easily he could do it himself. The feeling was more intoxicating than any drink. 

'It is very early in the day to be visiting the library.' 

'I could not sleep last night,' he replied. 

Loki stepped closer, into the light. The boy gazed at him with reverence and clear lust, but it was a childish lust, the harmless kind that did not know which direction it wanted to go in. 

'You did not mention you had access to this place last night,' Loki mentioned casually, going round to the other side of the table, staring down at him with his full height. 

'I- My uncle is the librarian,' he stuttered. Loki knew the man well enough, professionally, and how closely he guarded the books. 

'And he lets you come and go as you please?' 

'No,' the young man confessed, blushing. 'I'm not suppose to come here without him.' 

'But?' Loki prompted. 

'But I snuck in,' he said, but did not bow his head as expected. Instead he continued to stare with renewed awe. 'I hoped to meet you.' 

'And what do you want with me?' Loki knew well, considering the young man's drunken confession in the tavern last night. Did he even remember it? 

The young man's blush deepened. Loki stared at him, a stare that had dragged far worse secrets from far stronger opponents. 

'Anything, my Prince,' the young man confessed breathlessly. 'Every moment with you is a gift.'

Loki snorted, breaking their stare with a roll of his eyes. This was child's play. It was almost... fun. He had not had that in an age. 

'How old are you?' 

'Five and twenty.' 

'Come see me in a century, then you might know what to do with that,' Loki nodded towards the man's crotch, and watched him blush even further. Loki was about to turn and go, when he remembered his books. He reached for one, only then noticing the book the young man had brought. It was an ancient tome, one forbidden to be taken from the library. It was of military importance. It held most of what was known about Jotuns. 

Loki picked it up and turned it over in his hands, fixing the young man with his stare again. 

'What did you think to find in here?' he asked, barely keeping his anger out of his voice. 

'I only wanted to understand you,' the young man said, eyes wide. 'I swear, I was only curious.' 

'Understand what, exactly?' 

'Just- your nature, my Prince. It was harmless curiosity, I swear.' 

'My nature,' Loki murmured, setting the book down. He rounded the table slowly, making a gesture to prompt the man from his seat. He sprang from it as if it was on fire, backing away as Loki advanced until he was pressed up against the end of the nearest bookshelf. 

'My Prince,' he whispered fearfully. He was half a head shorter than Loki, and much thinner. He was never going to be a Warrior. Most likely his father was an artisan in the city, if his uncle was important enough to be the librarian of Asgard. Loki could crush him so very easily. He need not even use force. He could merely whisper the lightest of spell in the man's ear, and he would wander off to wherever Loki sent him. He was so entranced with Loki already, that a spell would put him completely under Loki's control. 

'You wish to know my nature,' Loki murmured, reaching out to trace the man's cheek and chin, producing a sharp intake of breath. The man was terrified and yet hard. Loki certainly had experience with those two dichotomies. 

'My Prince, I wish more than anything to learn from you,' the man said suddenly, finding some last trace of courage. 'I wish to learn magic. I saw you perform when I was just a boy, and since that day I have been longing to learn the art.' 

'Perform,' Loki repeated, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had surged. What was he doing? He had no use for this young man. The only point in this game was a perverse sense of power. If this was what Loki of Asgard, God of Trickery, had been reduced to, then he might as well crawl into an ice cave to die. He was suddenly disgusted with himself, and let his hand fall. What had he been about to do to this innocent bystander to his fall from grace?

'What you saw was a conjurer's trick,' he told him. 'Street performers, healers and weak maidens deal in the trickery of magic. “A Warrior of Asgard faces his enemies head first and with honest strength”,' he said the words as Odin had said them once to Thor. Loki had watched them from a hidden place as Thor received his first lessons. 

'I don't want to be a Warrior of Asgard,' the man said. 'I want to be a great sorcerer, like you.' 

'Follow you family's line, or be a Warrior,' Loki said. 'Those are the only honourable paths open to you. Forget me, forget magic, and never come here again.' 

Loki turned away, picking up all the books with a sweep of magic, sending them flying off to their homes. He had not performed such casual magic in an age, so automatically, and it calmed his frayed nerves to feel no tug of fatigue. He was about to walk away, when he felt the man grab his sleeve. He turned to glare at the impudence. The young man immediately let go, putting up his hands in fear. 

'Please, my Prince, I beg you.' 

'Do not make me repeat myself.' Loki's voice was ice, and the young man nodded, swallowing hard and slowly walking away. He glanced back just as he was about to disappear into the darkness of the shelves, eyes full of hurt and betrayal. 

'I won't come here again, but you can't make me forget you,' he said, the imp. Loki almost rolled his eyes again. 

'I am trying to do you a favour,' he hissed. 'The least you could do is be grateful.' 

'Would you thank your teacher for sending you away without trial?' 

'If my teacher was still alive, I would curse her for not handing me an axe instead of a spellbook.' 

'You lie.' 

'Get out! Get OUT!' Loki broke the quiet of the library - his first time raising his voice in the sacred hall. The young man ran, his footsteps echoing all the way to the stairs and beyond. Loki closed his eyes and prayed the librarian had not yet arrived at his post to hear such sacrilege. 

XXX

Later that day, Loki was calm again, reading in his room, when Thor came bounding in with enthusiasm Loki had not seen since before his fall. He was still only in his tunic, but his grin was more suited to the battlefield. He went straight to Loki, who was sat by his desk, and made his announcement. 

'I have a brilliant idea, brother.' 

'Really?' Loki raised a dubious eyebrow. 

'No laughing,' Thor ordered. 'I am serious. We are going hunting!' 

'Hunting?' 

'Yes, just like in our youth. We will go to Vanaheim and into the mountain forest of the North, and there we will hunt bilgesnipe. We will camp outside like we used to.' 

'May I ask where this brilliant idea has come from?' 

'You are strong enough and need to stretch your legs,' Thor reasoned. He was practically vibrating with excitement. Loki almost sighed, but held it in, considering. He gave Thor a once-over, noting the agitation in his body. All this time, Loki had been focusing on getting strong, but he had not given much thought to what Thor's Vow was doing to him. He was desperate for his armour, and most of all for action. There was little unrest in the Nine Realms, and Odin had in any case forbidden him to go as penance. Loki had no idea how long that penance was suppose to last. 

If Odin had agreed to let them go, how could Loki refuse?

'Very well.' 

Thor clapped his hands. 

'Excellent! I will have supplies for three days packed. Have yourself ready by tomorrow morning, early!' 

Catching Thor's eagerness, Loki couldn't help but smile as Thor hurried away to get everything ready. Then he realised: three days, which meant at least two nights. 

The Northern mountain ridge of Vanaheim was a breathtaking stretch of snow-peaked mountains, their bases covered in a rich forest. The trees there grew taller than any in Asgard, their evergreen tops shielding the forest floor from light. When walking in them, the enormous trunks stood so far apart it was like walking in a hall of a giant king. Bilgesnipe would venture down from the rocky peaks during the day to feast on anything edible. At night they retreated to the colder air, where their natural predators, giant mountain lions, declined to go. 

The mountains were remote, and to reach them they took a ship up the river most of the way, until the boatman would go no further. Thor insisted on carrying most of their supplies, though Loki had his own pack. He wore a lighter armour than he did in battle, since he knew speed and agility would be more useful in the hunt. Thor, however, had no such strategy. He was too happy to care. 

They followed one of the streams to the right altitude. They were deep in the forest by the time they made camp in a small clearing, not far from the tree line. Thor constructed a fire, and Loki lighted it, just like they had in the old days. Of course back then the Warriors Three, and later Sif, always came with them. They were not young Warriors seeking to try themselves any more, however, so Loki doubted they would find much of a challenge in the hunt. 

But there was something peaceful about the forest. It was like a big sleeping spirit, instead of the dark shadow from their childhood, hiding all manner of threats. Loki cast a warding spell against animals, but most likely the fire would keep them away just as much. 

Thor did most of the work, always trying to make sure Loki wasn't bored or annoyed at their trip. When they finally settled down on their respective sleeping mats and were eating dried meat and cheese, Loki gave a great sigh of put-upon boredom. 

'What is it?' Thor asked concerned, at once the picture of concern. 

'I was just thinking about what an excellent idea this was.' 

'You were?' Thor's face lit up with hope. 

'Yes, I was. It would be even better if you stopped tiptoeing around me.' 

'I am not-' Loki stopped him with a look and he relented with a sheepish smile. That settled, they went to bed so they could get an early start. 

Thor woke in the middle of the night to what in his half-dream state he thought was animal noises. But once he was fully awake, he realised it was Loki. He was making the same sort of noises he had made the night Thor had fallen asleep in his bed. 

Thor sat up and looked over the dying fire to Loki's sleeping form. He was tossing slightly, pushing against his blanket. His mouth was open, half-groaning and gasping. 

He had to wake him, right away. The noises did strange things to Thor. It was not his fault. The noises were just too sexual. Thor did not want to think of what Loki was dreaming of. Was it Fandral? No, Loki would be screaming if that were the case. 

'Thor.' 

Thor almost replied to his name, then realised Loki had not woken up. 

Thor crawled quickly over to Loki and started shaking him. 

'Loki!' he hissed. 

Loki's eyes snapped open and Thor let go, sitting back. 'You were dreaming,' he said. 

'Oh, sorry for waking you.' 

Even in the darkness, Thor was sure Loki was blushing. He turned away and went back to his sleeping mat, lying down. He closed his eyes and began recounting the Lay of Gardar from memory. He heard Loki turn over, but none of them said another word. 

XXX

Thor gripped his spear tightly and told himself to be patient. If he struck now, the bilgesnipe would be spooked. Mjølnir hung by his side – to make it a fair fight – and the forest was quiet except for the rummaging animals. Their scales protected them from a simple throw. Thor would have to get close and strike between the scale with the full force of his body. 

That plan was made even more difficult by their huge antlers and sharp teeth, but Thor's blood was pumping and he would not lose. 

The nearest animal was close enough, so Thor decided this was his moment. He jumped from his branch, hoping to land right on the bilgesnipe's back. Unfortunately, either by Thor or some other noise, and the whole herd ran off. 

Thor landed hard on the ground and growled in frustration. He had no desire to wait around for the herd to settle and approach them again, so he took off running. 

The herd crashed through the forest at surprising speed for their size. Thor was quick on his feet, but when he thought he could get one, something impossible happened. 

A wall of fire rose right in front of the herd, scaring them into stopping and desperately trying to find a new route – only to find fire rising up to stop them at every turn. 

Just as quickly as the fire had risen, it disappeared, and the bilgesnipe started to run. Thor was about to strike the closest when it was struck from above by a spear, flung with magical force. The bilgesnipe was dead before his legs collapsed. The others ran off in all directions. 

Thor stared at the dead bilgesnipe, half impressed, half annoyed. The forest around them was completely unburnt. 

Loki jumped down, landing gracefully next to his prize. He surveyed the kill, then looked over at Thor. He was definitely trying and failing not to smirk. 

'I believe that's a win,' he commented. Thor almost opened his mouth to say he cheated. He had said those words a thousand times before, but they were suddenly distasteful to him. 

'Congratulations,' he said instead, and Loki cocked his head in a moment of confusion, before smiling genuinely. 

In that moment, Thor had a strange thought. It had been building inside him ever since he had begun to see improvement in Loki. It was that Loki was _new_. He was still the same Loki in many ways of course – the smirk was evidence enough – but he was healing, and their relationship would heal into something different as well. 

When Thor went over and pulled the spear out with an exaggerated childish huff, Loki laughed. For some reason the sight made heat rise to Thor's cheeks. He quickly set himself the task of de-scaling the beast. They would feast tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! This was suppose to be up on the 17th, as I always post something on that day, but the chapter got away from me. At least it's long! Hope you enjoy. :)

Their second day of hunting was successful – Thor eventually got his own bilgesnipe – and they did indeed feast. There was a full moon, and Thor had the bright idea of going for a swim in the river. It was a bit of a hike down to the shore, but he reasoned they could just sleep a bit longer tomorrow. It was their hunt, after all, which meant they could go at their own pace. 

Loki hesitated, but could find no excuse that would not force him to explain why the thought of bathing naked was suddenly strange to him. He couldn't explain it to himself. 

They hiked quickly down to the river, and Loki had to admit, with the moon and stars so bright, the river was absolutely beautiful. The white mountain tops looked like pale clouds in the dark, and the shimmering water flowed slowly enough for them to swim comfortably. They found a nice little turn in the river and Thor stripped immediately before wading in. Loki averted his gaze for a moment. 

'It's very refreshing!' Thor declared. He swam around for a bit, then lay floating. 

Loki stripped himself, fighting his blush. He had no reason to blush. They had bathed like this countless times. 

Once naked, he waded into the water. It was cold, but not unbearably so. He stood waist-deep and looked up at the stars, letting his hands get accustomed to the temperature. Peaceful, he thought, as if the river was all the world, and they the only inhabitants. Thor got to his feet and came closer, looking up as if to spot what Loki was seeing. 

'Would that it could always be this simple,' he said. He looked to Loki. 'You are happy to be here?' 

'Yes,' Loki answered, smiling. 'Forgive me if I seemed reluctant. This was a great idea.' Thor smiled widely, so unashamedly pleased with himself Loki could not help but give a small laugh. Thor decided to splash him in retaliation, and Loki gasped at the unexpected cold. 'Don't!' he hissed. Thor grinned and stepped closer, but Loki put up his hand to stop him. 'I mean it!' 

Perhaps something in his eyes or tone spoke of true fear, for Thor backed off, frowning slightly. 

'Take your time,' he said, turning and swimming away. Loki breathed out, confused with the turn of events. It was not like Thor to just give up on something that amused him. 

Loki let himself fall into the water to his neck, and swam a little. It was very soothing and the cold was soon like silk against his skin, ridding him of the sweat from the long hunt. He didn't even notice Thor coming closer. They were out in the middle of the river now, too deep to stand. Loki saw Thor out of the corner of his eye. 

'Easy, brother,' Thor said. 'I promise not to wet your hair.' 

'Very funny,' Loki said. It was too dark to see below the water line, but Loki's mind supplied the image. He hoped it was too dark for Thor to see his blush. 

'You seem nervous,' Thor commented, threading water next to him. 

'It's just the cold,' Loki said, giving a shiver. 

'What would happen if you turned blue now?' Thor asked. Loki shot him a glance, but saw no mockery. It was simple curiosity. 

'I don't know. As far as I know, there is no naturally occurring liquid water on Jotunheim. It would probably freeze.' 

'But you are cold now?' 

'My Asgardian form feels cold, yes, though not as much as a true Asgardian.' Loki said. 

'Forgive me, I meant no offence.' 

'I know.' Loki wished to get out of the water, but that would mean swimming closer to Thor and past him. 

'If you feel less cold than I,' Thor said, floating slowly closer. 'Why are you shivering and I not?' 

'I don't know. I'm tired, I suppose.' Loki shrugged. Thor was very close, but Loki did not wish to draw attention to his nervousness more by swimming away. Thor reached out suddenly, grasping Loki's arm. 

'You are cold,' he said, frowning. 

'So are you,' Loki countered. Thor's hand was like an anchor on his arm, forcing him inexorably closer to Thor's naked body. His chest practically glistened like some fairy phantom in the moonlight. Loki's body betrayed him, being in cahoots with his subconscious thoughts. Was Thor doing this because he wanted it? Was that why they were here? Did he expect Loki wanted it, or needed it? And what, exactly, was this “it” his mind kept referencing? Such thoughts came and went like whirlwinds, and he tried to dismiss them all, but they all left a cut as from a whip inside him. 

Their bodies were so close it was making Loki's head spin. How could he even think these thoughts? He wished to sink to the bottom and never resurface. 

'Loki,' Thor murmured, voice full of concern. He came even closer, his hand going round to press against Loki's back. 'Are you all right?' he asked. He had difficulty staying afloat while supporting Loki. 

'I'm fine.' Loki decided to swim for shore. It was all in his mind, he reasoned, and his mind was still damaged. Thor followed at a leisurely pace. Once at wait-deep waters again, Loki hesitated getting out. Despite the cold, he was warm in certain places. Thor apparently had no such problems. He waded out of the water, his back and buttocks gloriously bare. Loki averted his eyes. 

'Are you coming out?' Thor called, toweling off. As he was drying his face, Loki waded out quickly, grabbing his own linen towel and binding it around his waist. He turned his back to Thor before removing it to dry off the rest of himself. He clothed himself quickly. Very little was said on their return to camp. 

Had he been aware of Thor's thoughts, he might have laughed at how mirrored they were despite not being related by blood. Thor was perhaps even more confused by his reactions than Loki, for he had never experienced emotions he could not express freely. Concealing his wants and needs was not his way, but if Loki discovered what Thor felt, he would no doubt either be disgusted, or try and run away again. That could not happen, so Thor did something he had never done before, he buried his strange feelings and prayed they were just strange fancies under the full moon's power. 

XXX

Loki ran. The forest spun in a blur around him, giving him no constant direction. Despite this, he never stumbled, or hesitated, and his feet were light as air. With only the softest of touches to the ground, he was propelled forward. There were no mountains, only forest. The edge of the forest was the edge of his mind, so he let the forest spin to keep it away. This way, he would never reach the end.

He stopped abruptly, knowing something was close. The trees were enormous, so thick they blotted out the sky almost completely. Thicker than any real tree could be, and taller. From between them a figure emerged. In his dream-state, Loki couldn't decide who it was. It stepped forward as a blurred shadow. 

Loki's chest was heaving from his run, full of the thrill of the hunt, and he laughed breathlessly as the figure slowly settled into the shape of the young man from the library. 

'Far from home,' Loki commented as he approached him, encroaching on his space to make him back into the nearest tree. His eyes were wide, exactly like they had been in the library. Loki grinned and waved a hand, ripping the young man's clothes from him with a spell. He swallowed the young man's gasp with a forceful kiss. 

The young man struggled, but Loki pushed him hard into the tree, forcing both wrists so hard into the bark they melted into it, the tree growing around his hands to trap them. 

'Please,' the young man gasped. Loki clawed at the young man's neck and chin, pushing it back into the bark. He kissed the boy again, feeling a hardness again his thigh. But there was blood too. Everywhere suddenly, flowing from every place the tree pierced, like sap. He flinched away just as the tree started burning. The scream was so loud it made Loki's ears bleed, but he couldn't put out the flames, even though he knew they were of his making. He watched as the young man's face started to melt. 

'Loki!' 

He sat upright so quickly Thor caught him to prevent them from butting heads. The fire was burning low, and the forest was dark beyond its light. 

'You were screaming for someone to stop,' Thor explained. Loki jerked away, feeling sweaty all over and not wanting Thor to see. He turned his face away from the fire. 

'It was just a dream,' he said. 

'Of Fandral?' Thor asked. He scooted away slightly to give Loki some space. 

'No,' Loki admitted, closing his eyes. 'It was a dream without sense, just images.' 

'You can tell me, if it would help.' 

'Nothing can help,' Loki said, then regretted it. He forced himself to glance at Thor. 'Forgive me, you help, of course, but not with this. My dreams are nonsensical most of the time. I suppose in that I have been blessed, that I do not have to relive what happened.' 

'I am glad of that, at least,' Thor said. 'The offer still stands, if ever you have need of it.' 

'Thank you.' Loki lay down and tried to get some more sleep before the dawn. He saw the dream as a second warning of what he had almost done in the library. Before his fall and capture by the Chitauri, his path had led him away from Thor. What would have happened had the Chitauri not forced him into their service? What things would he have conjured of his own imagination? Things Fandral would have drawn inspiration from? 

No, he did not have to be evil. He forced his mother's voice to be loud in his mind. He was Jotun, but not evil, and if he was to heal, it had to be into a being worthy of Thor's vow... and his constant, unending brotherly affection. Those other thoughts of Thor would pass with time. Hopefully. As long as he remembered his mother's last words to him. 

When the morning of their last day dawned, they carried the rest of their spoils to the riverbank – what little Thor hadn't eaten. 

Once they reached the village on the lakeside, Thor of course offered the rest of the meat to the villagers, as was his custom. Loki stood to the side as the people crowded. 

His thoughts were disturbed when several people started calling his name and asking him to recount the details of the hunt. He looked to Thor, who only grinned in response. Apparently, he had been telling everyone that Loki had had the first kill, in a fantastic display of power. Loki grew alarmed as more people wanted to know how he had taken down the first bilgesnipe. 

He had never been asked to recount a tale of any sort, not from hunting or battle. Even if he had done what some would consider a great deed, he was not the type to shout his way through the others to be heard. So, faced with a small horde of village folk all wanting to hear of his “unique” hunting technique, he was at loss. 

'Tell them how you shepherded them with fire!' Thor said, causing even more enthusiasm to hear the tale. Loki almost gaped at him- was he doing it deliberately? To make him look a fool? Thor pushed through the crowd to his side, clapping him hard on the shoulders. 'He is modest, my brother,' he said to the crowd. 'But I shall tell it for him! There was a great herd, and I was chasing them. My first attempt had sadly failed.' 

Thor proceeded to tell the whole story as if it was a great battle. The crowd oooh'd and aaah'd at appropriate moments, and some of the children gasped at the way Thor described the fire. The great beast had been slain by a cunning feat of magic and strength, Thor concluded. The crowd cheered, the meat was distributed, and finally they could leave for the Bifrost. 

'The first hunt of the season,' Thor said as they returned to Asgard. 'A great success, wouldn't you say?' 

'I'm too modest to brag,' Loki joked. Thor laughed. 

'You just need a bit of practice. Telling a good tale is an art.' 

'I'll take your word for it.' 

Thor slapped him on the back – a little harder than necessary – and laughed again. 

'Let us go into town. I need a good ale, and you can practice.' 

'I'll let you have your ale, but I think I need to listen to the master a bit more.' 

'Then listen carefully, brother, and I shall teach you how to win a crowd,' Thor boasted, leading the way into the city and straight towards his favourite ale-house. Loki followed, and wondered if he didn't have more than just story-telling to learn from Thor. 

Once Thor was at his table, ale in hand, the house was soon filled with people who had come to see the Mighty Thor. He told of the hunt, and how it was a good omen. People kept sending curious and admiring glances at Loki, which was disconcerting. He was observing the crowd, making sure none of them would take the opportunity to strike at him, when he spotted his young apprentice-seeker pushing his way through the crowd. He managed to slip through to their table, and since no one had dared sit next to Loki, the seat was empty for him, and he sat. 

'My Prince,' he said. No one but Loki could hear him in the crowded house. 

'You become bolder every time we meet,' Loki commented, taking a sip of his ale. Thor had moved on to some other great tale of his, and the crowd gave a cheer. 

'It is not in me to give up.' 

'I advise you to do so,' Loki said, giving him a stern look. 'Or I might do something that will make you give up.' 

'You do not frighten me.' 

Loki threw his head back and laughed. He did not notice that the sound caught Thor's attention. Instead, he leaned in, forcing the young man to hold his gaze. 'You lie poorly, young one.' 

'Then teach me that as well.' 

'I will teach you a lesson of obedience if you are not careful.' 

'Who is your friend, brother?' Thor asked. He sat down closer to Loki, leaning forward to look at the young man, who bowed his head. 

'I am Gardar, son of Bjarnar the great Craftsman on Verkstad Street, my Prince, just down the road.' 

'Gardar,' Thor said, 'A Warrior's name!' 

'Forgive me, my Prince,' Gardar said. 'I am not built to be a warrior, as you can plainly see. But that does not sadden me, for my greatest wish has always been to be a great Mage, like Prince Loki.'

'There will never be a greater one,' Thor said, slapping his arm on Loki's shoulder. Had he been a lesser man, he would have crumbled under the weight. As it was, he barely flinched. 'But no doubt he could teach you to be almost as great. Is that why you keep engaging my brother?' 

'It is, My Prince. I yearn for an apprenticeship.' 

'Loki has never had an apprentice. If he were to take one on, I am sure it would not be done lightly. You should be patient, and not hound him for an answer.' 

'I have already given my answer,' Loki cut in, tired of being spoken over. He rose and left the ale-house, keen to be at home. The night was fully settled, and people were wandering the streets on their way to drunkendom with great spirits. They took little note of the Prince of Asgard, Master of Shadows, making his way silently. 

'Loki, wait,' Thor's voice forced him to stop. He was alone at least. 'Why are you so quick to dismiss the boy?' 

'Because he is not a boy, anymore than he is a true seeker of magic,' Loki said. 

'What do you mean?' 

Loki rolled his eyes heavenward. If was bad enough Thor was pretending the idea of making a potential warrior into a conjurer was a good one, he had to be dense about the boy's true motivation.

'He wants to bed me,' he said bluntly. 'Out of some weird fetish or curiosity about Jotuns. If he wants to learn magic, it is only a passing fancy to justify is carnal urges. He would be better suited as a shop boy than a student of the secret arts.' 

'Carnal-' Thor glanced behind them, as if the boy would be standing there, but the street was empty. 'If he simply wishes to bed you... have you no desire for him?'

'Why would I want to bed him?' 

'He is pretty,' Thor shrugged. 'His regard for you is obvious, and understandable. You are quick to judge him, however. How do you know it is only lust?' 

'Understandable?' Loki frowned. 'His want is unnatural if it is anything.' 

'Unnatural? Brother, what in the Nine do you mean? People have always lusted after you. You have grown to your full strength and beauty again, so it is expected.' 

'I am Jotun,' Loki hissed, glancing behind him to make sure no one heard. 'Or have you left that fact at the bottom of your ale-mug?' 

'I think you judge people too harshly,' Thor said. 'They, on the other hand, do not.' He walked past Loki, placing a hand on his shoulder briefly. 'People will always desire you, Loki, no matter your skin colour. You underestimate your appeal.' With that he walked off into the night, leaving Loki very flushed and bothered. 

Thor, for his part, could not believe his daring. He hoped Loki did not read too much into it. He had been unable to allow Loki to think of himself in that way. That was the only unnatural thing. He decided to have another ale before he went to bed. He was too agitated to sleep. 

Loki stood for a long time unable to conjure up a response. His insecurities had been bared, but he had received no mockery in return. 

A noise at the end of the street caught his attention. A shape stumbled around the corner, falling onto the cobbled ground with a grunt of pain. Two other shapes followed, laughing. 

One of them went up and kicked the one on the ground. Loki would not usually have cared what three random citizens got up to in the night, but the sound of the hurt one's voice made him pause. 

'Get away from me.' It was Gardar. 

'Why don't you cast a spell on us and make us?' one of the other men laughed. They were far bigger than Gardar, but from their voices Loki would guess they were not much older. 

'Get your Jotun whore to save you,' the other said. He bent and took hold of Gardar's hair, yanking him up. Gardar cried out in pain. The assailant punched him hard in the stomach and tossed him to the ground again. 

The other man now rounded Gardar's body, seemingly to check if he was still conscious. He kicked him hard, enough for him to roll over, hands going to his face. A few more kicks and they would no doubt render him unconscious, or worse. 

'Why don't you conjure up some light-dragons to save you,' one of them laughed. He stumbled drunkenly into the nearest building, giggling and laughing. The other was apparently more sober. He chuckled a bit, and then he pulled a knife. 

Loki appeared from the shadows directly behind him. Swift as a striking snake, he grabbed the man's knife-wielding hand and twisted it behind his back hard enough to break his wrist. The man cried out in pain and dropped the knife, falling to his knees with a swift chop to his neck. Once on his hands and knees, wheezing, Loki delivered a last kick to topple him over on his back. 

The other assailant stared with drunken fear. He pushed off the wall and ran for it. Loki caught up with him with barely three strides, grabbed the back of his tunic and slung him into the wall. He crumbled to the ground with a groan, mumbling something about mercy. 

Loki went to the first man. He was moaning in pain, and when Loki pulled his head up by his hair he cried out pitifully. 

'I can show you some light-dragons, if you wish,' he hissed. He brought his free hand to the man's face, conjuring a small ball of fire in his hand. It was just as fake as the fire in the forest, but the man's eyes still lit up with undisguised terror. 

'What is going on here?' a voice of authority called. Loki straightened to his full height and turned as two city-guards came running down the street. When they saw who it was, they stopped short and gave a bow. 'Forgive me, My Prince, I didn't see you in the dark.' 

'Take these two to the prison, they assaulted this man unprovoked,' Loki ordered them. He went to Gardar. 'I will be taking their victim to be healed. If I find out these men are free come morning, you shall answer to me.' 

'Yes, Prince Loki.' The two guards hurried to obey. 

Loki lifted Gardar in his arms. He weighed next to nothing. Loki carried him all the way to the palace, keeping in the shadows. Gardar's injuries were not too severe, so without thinking too much of it, Loki took him to his rooms. No one took note of them this late, and if they did they dared not question a Prince of Asgard. 

He lay Gardar down on the bed. He had a bloody nose and a cut on his forehead. He would no doubt have bruises all over his body come morning. Gardar's eyes fluttered open as Loki was examining him. 

'My Prince,' he whispered. 'You saved my life.' 

'I doubt he would have gone that far,' Loki said. 'Stay here. I will be back with some healing ointments and tea for your headache.' 

'Thank you, thank you,' Gardar mumbled. Loki sighed and hurried out to get what he needed from the palace healing hall. Hopefully, none of the healers were there at this time of night, unless one of the guards or palace workers had had some strange accident. 

With liberal use of his magic, he was there and back within a few minutes. Unfortunately, an unwelcome sight greeted him at his door. Thor stood leaning against the frame, looking morose. He looked up when he heard Loki's steps. 

'There you are!' he said. 'I thought you did not wish to see me.' 

'Did it ever occur to you that I might be asleep?' Loki asked. 

'Is it that late?' 

'Yes.' 

Drunk as he was, Thor still managed to notice what Loki held in his hands. 

'Is someone injured?' he asked, sobering up almost instantly. He looked Loki over. 'Are you hurt?' 

'No...' Loki sighed. He wanted to get this in to Gardar before the lad had the chance to fall deeply asleep. He decided to just push past Thor and enter. 

Gardar was snoring already. Loki sat by him and prepared the healing ointment. Using magic to remove the excess blood, Loki quickly healed his nose and cut. 

'What happened?' Thor asked. 

'Some drunken idiots,' Loki said. 'The guards took them away.' He rose and went to his desk, where a tea set sat ready for use. As he busied himself with making it, boiling the water with magic instead of the fireplace, Thor seemed to do nothing but stare at Gardar. 

Loki had to wake him to make him drink the tea. He gulped down a few mouthfuls with Loki's help. 

'Thank you, My Prince,' he repeated. 

'Go back to sleep,' Loki told him. Loki rose and folded some of the covers over the lad. Only then did he give a thought to where he would sleep. He wasn't exactly sleepy, so he decided not to dwell on it. 

'You saved him?' Thor asked. 

'It was my fault they attacked him,' Loki shrugged. He went outside to the balcony so their conversation would not rouse the lad. At Thor's continued look of confusion, he explained further. 'They were mocking him for wanting to be my apprentice.' 

'Had I been there-' 

'You would have knocked them out with one blow, yes.' 

'I know you are far too wise to believe such childish taunts,' Thor said. 

'I have lived with such taunts all my life. Mostly spoken in whispers, but no less effective on a young mind.' Loki glanced through the glass doors to Gardar's sleeping form. 'Perhaps it knocked some sense into him.' 

'How can you say that? If he is worthy to be your apprentice, this will only strengthen his resolve.' 

'Why do you want me to teach him? To get rid of him, I'm sure I only need bed him and be done with it.' 

'No,' Thor said rather forcefully. 'If he lusts for you, that is only due to his youth and your... beauty. That will pass. You should teach him, if you think he has the potential.' 

'I have no idea of his potential,' Loki admitted. 'I do not think I would be suited as a teacher.' 

'I think you would be great,' Thor said, smiling. Loki had to return it. 

'You are always so optimistic,' he shook his head, 'but I'm not certain I should be trusted with such a task.' 

Thor stepped close and put both his hands on Loki's shoulders, the way Odin had often done in their youth. 

'I think I understand your reluctance, brother. I would not have you take such an important decision lightly.' 

'But?' 

'I have faith in you.' 

Loki shrugged off Thor's hands and turned away. Normally, he would say such faith was misplaced, but as usual, Thor's mighty optimism and sincerity made it impossible. 

He heard a noise from the bed and pushed the moment aside. 

'I'll go check on him,' Loki said. He left Thor on the balcony and returned to Gardar's bedside. He was trying to sit up, but Loki quickly yet gently pushed him back down. 'Don't sit up, you need to sleep. I'll throw you out tomorrow.' 

'My Prince, I don't know how to thank you.' 

'Oh, I might have a few suggestions, but as I said, I'll wait until the morning.' 

'Please.' Gardar reached up, his fingers just brushing against Loki's cheek. Loki closed his eyes, inwardly sighing. He doubted Thor's assessment was right. This lust would not abate with time. It would not abate until Gardar understood what it was he wanted. Until he saw what was really in front of him. He felt Gardar grow bolder, placing his palm against Loki's cheek. He sat up slowly. He leaned in, and Loki kept still. The first brush of lips was full of fear and lust, but he grew bold when Loki did not immediately slap him away. His lips were warm and wet. 

'Is this what you want?' Loki whispered against his lips. 'To bed the Jotun?' 

'I desire you, My Prince.' 

'And you deserve whatever you desire?' 

Gardar did not answer. Instead he pressed closer, grasping Loki's collar and kissing his exposed neck. Loki tilted his head for him. He kept his eyes closed. 

Gardar's right hand went down to press against Loki's crotch. He was still wearing his hunting gear, and the fabric was so thick he barely felt Gardar's fumbling hand. But still, the light sensation shot something unspeakable through Loki, and his pulse sped up. His brows furrowed. Gardar scooted closer, mumbling 'My Prince' breathlessly. 

'What are you doing?' Thor was back in the room. He strode over to the bed, taking a firm grip on Loki's arm and forcing him to stand. 'I suggest you rest, young Gardar. Tomorrow a servant will see you out.' 

Loki almost ripped himself free, but there was something slightly terrifying in Thor's grip as he was led out the door. Thor said nothing and strode straight down the hall and all the way to his own room. Once inside he closed and locked the door firmly. He rounded on Loki with a fierce frown. 

'Why did you allow him to do that?' 

'Why not? And why does it concern you?' 

'You are my brother, everything you do concerns me.' 

'You concern was suspiciously absent during Fandral's hospitality!' Loki's voice seemed to burst from his chest. He took a deep breath, and regretted the words immediately, seeing the pain in Thor's eyes. 

'You know my Vow, and I know you have not forgiven me yet, but that does not mean you should toy with that boy-' 

'He knows his wants, why shouldn't I give it to him-' _Why shouldn't I do what is demanded of me?_ Loki closed his eyes against a sudden headache. His temples felt tight, with an uncomfortable pressure behind his eyes. 

'Loki, what's wrong?' 

'Leave me alone.' He felt dizzy, but was unaware that he looked about to fall. Thor took him in his arms for fear he might, but all Loki felt was two iron arms wrapping around him. He jerked and tried to spin away, but Thor instinctively tightened his grip. 

'Loki,' he repeated. 'Speak to me.' 

'Why do you care what I let that whelp do to me?' Loki growled. He twisted, ending up facing Thor, still in the tight grip of his arms. He forced his eyes open, and at the sight of Thor his breathing evened out. He did not understand what had just happened, but slowly the iron grip that had evoked fear turned into the protective arms of Thor. Had it been another hallucination, one only half-materialized in his mind? The thought disturbed him almost more than the incident itself. Even as his heartbeat returned to normal, his mouth seemed to run away from him. 

'Is it jealousy?' 

'Do not-' 

'Is that why you are so sad you never came to see me while in Fandral's care? You never got your chance?' 

Thor released him so quickly Loki stumbled backwards, but he managed to stay on his feet. He wished with all his power he could retract his words. 

'You are upset,' Thor said by way of explanation. He seemed to be holding himself calm with all his strength. 'You-' he shook his head frustratedly. 'I have not the knowledge to help you through this, but I know you will come through.' 

'Through what?' 

'Through Fandral's... power over you.' 

'What power-' But even Loki could not finish that lie. The specter of Fandral lurked in every corner, whether he admitted to it or not. 'Forgive me.' 

'There is nothing to forgive.' 

'I don't know what-' Loki put a hand to his forehead. The next moment he knew, Thor was leading him to the bed, guiding him to lay down and sleep, which he did almost at once.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write a different story because the plot bunny was doing weird things to my brain. That's all done now, so here is more! ps: please don't hate me, even after you read it.

Loki woke up to warmth and comfort, in Thor's bed. He was half relieved, half annoyed at not finding Thor in the bed next to him. His stomach filled with nervousness when their conversation from last night repeated in his head. Poor, naive Gardar - Loki wondered if Thor was off making sure the young lad was escorted out of the palace. 

Loki pushed the sheets off and realised someone had taken off his leather armour, leaving him in only his tunic. He ignored his blush at the thought of Thor tending to such matters, and went to his rooms to change. Gardar was nowhere to be seen. 

After dressing in a light green tunic, brown breeches, and light robe to match, he headed straight for where he suspected Thor might be: the arena. 

He entered the spectator's circle, staying in the shadows behind the columns that enclosed the sandy training area. Thor was in the middle with three other Warriors. He was bare-chested, wielding no weapon but his fists. By the state of him, it looked like he had been going at it for a while. 

The three attacked almost simultaneously, but Thor anticipated them. He spun, lighting quick, and took the legs off from under the first one just as the second kicked out at him. Thor grabbed the foot before it struck him, standing and continuing his spin with such force that the Warrior was lifted, pulled by his foot, and spun into the third assailant. Thor let go, meeting the first Warrior, now back on his feet, in a clash of muscle. 

Loki watched in slight awe as Thor took them out, one by one. It was the most beautiful dance he had ever seen. 

Once all of them were on the ground and groaning, Thor surveyed them with a critical eye. 

'Good,' he said. 'Enough for today.' 

The three Warriors seemed inordinately pleased with such paltry praise, and they slapped each other on the back as they left. Once alone, Loki entered the arena. Thor had picked up a towel and was wiping the sweat from his chest when he spotted Loki approach. His elation from the training drained from his face. 

'Good morning, brother,' he greeted. 

'I take it Gardar was escorted away since my room was empty this morning?' 

'He left early.' 

'I see… I'm sorry for my words,' Loki bit out. 

'Think not of it,' Thor said. He walked past Loki, and Loki had to reach out and stop him, placing a hand on his upper arm. Thor stopped immediately, turning towards him with a forced smile. 

'It was said in anger,' Thor said. 'I did not give it a second thought.' 

'No, you wouldn't,' Loki said. 

'What do you mean by that?' 

'Nothing, forget it.' Loki realised his hand was still on Thor's arm. He stepped back. 

'No, I would know what you meant by that,' Thor said. Loki avoided his gaze, but that meant his attention was commanded by Thor's bare chest. 

'You are more than familiar with the hurtful things I say, you should be adept at forgetting them.' He tried to leave, but now it was Thor's turn to grab his arm, pulling him close – too close. Loki's heart rate jumped, and his eyes were glued to a drop of sweat making its way along Thor's collarbone. 

'And that is all you meant?' Thor demanded.

'Y-yes.' 

By the Nine, he shouldn't be reacting like this. 

'Look at me,' Thor said, giving Loki a shake. 'Speak to me, something is wrong, I can tell.' 

Everything seemed to have turned upside down so quickly. Loki felt unhinged. He could not look up, for he wasn't certain he could hide what he was in his face. 'Please, Loki, do not hide your problems from me.' 

'I swear I am fine,' Loki said. How to make this go away once and for all? 

'It is Gardar, isn't it?' Thor asked. 'You are upset I stopped you. You did like him.' 

'Don't be stupid. I have no interest in Gardar. Now, let me go.' 

'Look at me first.' 

Loki sighed and met Thor's eyes, trying to keep a blank face. When had Thor's gaze become so piercing? He scanned Loki's face for signs of... something. For a split second, Loki had the image of Thor's eyes flickering down to his lips, and felt his cheeks heat. Thor frowned. 

'Loki-' 

'Let me go.' Loki tried to tug his arm away, but Thor's grip was too tight. His breath became laboured. Thor released him abruptly. 

'Forgive me,' he said. 

'It's fine.' 

'Why don't we-' 

There was a low gong sound in the distance. The palace alarm had gone off. Thor and Loki's eyes met for a second before they both set off at a sprint. Thor threw on his tunic as they ran. 

They heard fighting coming from one of the main hallways and followed the noise. The gong kept sounding. They came up the last flight of stairs and stopped short at the sight. 

There were four Chitauri fighting a group of Warriors. They were good, and one of them was a mage. 

Thor had summoned Mjølnir to him, and was about to run into the frey when Loki stopped him. 

'This is not a logical point to attack,' Loki said. Thor took a second before he understood. 

'The Tesseract.' They both turned and Thor started running. Loki had been about to do the same, but a voice stopped him. 

'Loki Laufeyson,' it hissed. Although the Chitauri were fighting the Warrior's of Asgard several meters down the hallway, the voice sounded as if it was right by his ear. He turned slowly, but there was no one there. 

'We have missed you,' the voice hissed. Loki spun towards it. He eyed the nearest column - it was wide enough to hide two Warriors behind it. He stepped up swiftly and circled it, but there was no one there, and the passages behind the columns up and down where empty. 

'Have you dreamed of us?' Loki spun again, growing agitated. He muttered a revealing spell, and felt resistance. His anger built up suddenly and he blasted pure energy in the direction of the voice. 

A Chitauri mage appeared. Had its face been able to make recognizable expressions, Loki might have thought it was smirking. 

'If you come with us, you will not be killed.' 

'I'd rather die,' Loki spat. 

'You would rather remain here, where you are the monster? We offered you the whole Earth, to rule as your own.' 

'You didn't offer anything,' Loki said. Monster, he thought. He felt a tingling in his extremities. A cold wind passed over his heart, and he embraced it. 

'He is a benevolent Master. If you reclaim the Tesseract, he will forgive you.' 

'Never.' Loki blinked, and turned blue. He charged the Chitauri with magical speed, freezing the whole of his left arm in a matter of seconds. By the time he was on top of the Chitauri, the ice-spear had gone straight through its chest, growing and widening the wound even as the Chitauri struggled like a stuck pig. Loki gasped at the sensation, the ice felt like a continuation of his arm, and the Chitauri was thread onto it, lifted from the floor. The Chitauri looked shocked. It sputtered a blood-like substance, then went limp. 

Loki stepped back, lowering his arm so the body slid off. He raised it up to study it, letting go of the freeze and watching it melt away, most of it absorbing into him so he wouldn't loose water. 

He glanced over to the Warriors, and they were all victorious, so he ran to the Vault. 

XXX

When he arrived, he found two dead Chitauri and one alive, kneeling with a sword at his neck, courtesy of Odin. Thor stood off to the side, observing. 

The Tesseract was untouched. 

The Chitauri turned its head slightly to look Loki as he descended the stairs. 

'Loki Laufeysssson,' it hissed. It flinched when the sword pressed harder into its neck. 

'Odinson,' the Allfather corrected. 

'We know his mind,' the Chitauri said. 'We know his true nature.' 

'You know nothing about my son,' Odin said. 'If you want to live, you will tell me by what means you came into this city.' 

The Chitauri remained silent, and they all knew it would reveal nothing. Odin cut off his head. A guard appeared at the vault door. 

'My King, the other intruders are all dead.' 

'Burn their bodies,' Odin ordered, turning towards the Tesseract. 'I want double the guards until further notice.' 

'Yes, Allfather.' The guard disappeared swiftly. Loki felt a bit odd about the fight being so short, and by Thor's disappointed look, he felt the same. Odin stood in front of the Tesseract, brooding. Loki and Thor approached cautiously.

'It is time,' Odin said. 

'Father?' Thor asked. 

Odin turned to the pair, the Tesseract between his hands. Loki ground his teeth at the sight of it. 

'It must be destroyed, or I fear for the safety of Asgard.' 

'Father, Loki is strong,' Thor said. 'But I fear it is too soon.' 

'I will take it,' Loki said. Why had he said that? Thor was right, it was too soon, but part of him wanted nothing more than to get it over and done with. He stepped up to Odin and gently took the Tesseract from him. He could feel it humming in his grip, but nothing else of note. No great chasm opened in his mind to cast him back to the Chitauti. 

'Are you certain?' Odin asked, grim. 

'Yes, I can take it.' 

'Then we will prepare for your departure.' 

XXX 

The scene was eerily familiar, and Loki almost shivered at the memory. They stood in front of the Allfather's throne, each with a tight grip on the Tesseract's case. This time, he wore no chains or mussle. The Tesseract would take them further across the universe than they had ever been. Odin had told him his vision could not see clearly that far away, even with his powers. He could only glimpse that it was a world of ice, with an atmosphere that would easily sustain them. They had both dressed warm, and their cloaks were both lined with fur. 

'The Tesseract will seek its brother, you will land close to it, hopefully,' Odin said. 

'I fear we will land too close and be united between them,' Loki murmured, but neither Odin nor Thor felt the need to address that fear. 

'Good luck,' Odin said. 'And come back to me, both of you.' They all knew there was a high chance of failure, but Loki nodded all the same and looked to Thor. Thor nodded and together they twisted the device, casting them into the power of the Tesseract, and far across the galaxy. 

It was much like traveling with the Bifrost, only it lasted for much longer. 

Loki felt hard ground beneath his feet, and a few seconds later the energy of the Tesseract withdrew to reveal the landscape around them. There wasn't much to say about it. Barren, rock-covered and hilly, with a few higher mountains along the horizon. In every pocket and crevice were frozen lakes or chunks of ice. It was cold, but not near as cold as Jotunheim. The sun was far away and pale, hiding behind a thin and high cloud layer. The rock had a slight red-tint, here and there but otherwise Loki could discern no colour. It reminded him most of Svartalvheim. 

Thor took in the surroundings with apprehension at their vulnerability out in the open, but Loki had no real fear of there being much of life on the planet. There was water and atmosphere, but unless there was some valuable element deep in the rock, Loki could see little reason for any intelligent life coming here. 

Loki tugged the Tesseract and Thor let go. Loki placed it on the ground and gripped the Tesseract itself, lifting it gently out of its holding case. The energy surged inside him and seemed to pulsate outwards, as if reaching out. For a terrifying few seconds, Loki thought his mind would leave him in the strange muddled world that the scepter had, but there was no one to direct the energy save him. 

'Are you all right? Loki?' 

What must he look like? He glanced at Thor, taking in the concerned expression. 

'I'm fine.' He cleared his throat and refocused his mind. The Tesseract's energy-field was definitely stretched in a particular direction. This whole plan might actually work. Loki replaced the Tesseract in its case and stood, and the relief at not touching it made him sigh. Thor bent and lifted the case, making it clear he would be carrying it. 

'This way,' Loki said and headed off. The ground was gravelly and their walking disturbed a layer of dust, but other than that it was fairly easy going. Except for the fact that it was getting colder as the sun made its way towards the horizon. 

After several hours Loki again took hold of the Tesseract and confirm their direction. They were debating whether to go over a mountain or follow a valley with a frozen river when Thor suddenly held up his hand for silence. He was staring at a point on the horizon from where they had come. 

'Do you see them?' Thor asked. Loki scanned for anything out of the ordinary, and sure enough, there were two specks of black just over a hill. For a long time they appeared unmoving, and might have been just some dark rocks, but then one disappeared, and the second soon followed. 

'Locals, or pursuers?' Thor said. 

'I could not tell. In either case, we should not linger.' 

'Agreed.' They set off at a quicker pace. 

It was twilight by the time they spotted a strange typographical formation in the distance. They had reached a wide plain, with large boulders dotting the landscape, but in the middle, there was something strange. As they approached, Loki realised it was a very, very wide hole. At least twenty-thirty meters in diameter, it was as if the ground was simply missing. 

'I think we're here,' Loki said. He walked up the small incline to the edge of the hole and looked down. The ground fell away straight, as if the Bifrost had cut a perfect hole into the centre of the planet. Loki could not see very far down, especially with the sun about to disappear. One thing was certain, they could not descend the hole without likely killing themselves. Even Loki could not conjure a rope that long. 

'What now?' Thor asked, staring down into the dark. He placed the Tesseract on the ground below the little slope, so it had no danger of falling in. 

'It's perfect,' Loki said. 'Whatever ancient creatures created the Tesseracts wanted them kept apart. If anyone wished to destroy it, they would be trapped here forever.' Loki looked to the sky, wondering if the people who first split the energy of the Tesseract still lived among the stars. He couldn't see that in the stars, but what he did notice was that he did not recognise a single constellation. 

'Then I will send you back, before reuniting the Tesseracts.' 

Loki scoffed, glaring at Thor. 

'Only you would suggest something so idiotic.' 

'It is the logical conclusion. Odin no doubt foresaw it, and that is why he sent us both.' 

'If there is any logical way Odin foresaw this, it was that I send YOU back and then deal with the Tesseracts.' 

'How can you say that?' Thor argued. 'If anyone needs to return-' 

'You are the future king of Asgard,' Loki said. 'Try and use that brain of yours, tiny though it is.' 

Thor stepped closer in a pathetic attempt to intimidate him. 

'If you think for one moment I am returning without you, you are the one who is idiotic.' 

'I am expendable-' 

'Do not speak that way!' Thor grabbed both of Loki's shoulders in anger, shaking him. Loki's mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. 'I will die here with you rather than return alone.' 

'But- why?' 

'Is my love so unbelievable?' Thor asked. 'Or is it that you still do not believe yourself worthy?' 

'Stop it-' Loki tried to twist away, but Thor held firm. 'Your grip is painful.' Thor grit his teeth and forced his arms down, but did not move an inch away. Loki closed his eyes. How to convince Thor this was all for the best? Loki's mind raced. 

'I love you, brother, and I will not be parted from you again, ever,' Thor whispered. Loki felt as if there was acid in his throat. What was happening? He was here to die, that much was obvious. How to make him understand...

'Thor, I do appreciate your love and loyalty to me, and I treasure it,' Loki began, his mind forming a terrible, horrifying plan, worse than any scheme he had ever executed. 'But I think you do know, in your heart, why it must be you who returns, especially once you know the extend of my... fall from grace.' 

'You are not fully healed, anything you have to say, I will counter.' 

'I am depraved, and it will never be healed.'

'Stop it, speak not another word.' 

'Very well.' Loki placed a hand on the back of Thor's neck and pulled him in for a firm kiss. The world seemed to pause. They were as statues. Loki felt his eyes water, anticipating Thor's reaction. He would be left here to die. 

Thor moved... his lips, ever so slightly. Loki gasped, and Thor pressed harder. 

It was that moment a small portal opened and three Chitauri leapt through. Loki immediately grabbed the Tesseract and darted away while Thor faced all three head on. He took the first out with a single blow from Mjølnir, sending it skywards all the way to the horizon. The other shot at him with magic spears of pure energy, sending him off balance and inflicting pain. He pushed through it and tried to strike them, but they were too quick. 

Loki, the Tesseract behind him, threw a blade at the nearest Chitauri. It spun and caught it, but that left it open to a hit from Thor, sending it into the pit with a cry. The third Chitauri attempted to charge Thor with his sceptre, but Thor grabbed it, only to be weakened by its magic. He cried out, still holding the sceptre away from him, while being forced to his knees. 

'Give us the Tesseract, and I will spare your brother,' the Chitauri hissed. But Thor was too strong for him, and Loki knew what to do. He lifted the Tesseract and threw it into the pit. 

'No!' the Chitauri cried, and that was all it took. Thor wrenched the sceptre out of its hands, twirled it round, and pierced him with it. 

All dead, Thor got up and turned to Loki, looking over at the hole in shock. 

'What did you do?' 

'I think I just killed us.' 

'Nothing is happening.' 

'This is a big planet.' 

They waited in silence, the same statues as before only now meters apart. It took an age, maybe as much as twenty minutes, but neither would move. Finally, they felt movement under their feet. The earth rumbled, light shone out of the pit for a moment, a living blue colour, then silence. 

They waited several more seconds. 

'Was that it?' Thor asked. 

'I do not know,' Loki said. 'I suppose it must have been. I admit I was expecting the whole planet to disintegrate.' 

'Or blow up.' 

'They canceled each other out,' Loki said. 'No explosion necessary.' He tried not to sound disappointed. He looked about at the desolate planet they were now stuck on. The sun's last rays were giving it a rather pretty look, but the cold was setting in hard. 'We should find some shelter,' Loki urged. 

Thor rummaged around the Chitauri's corpse to see if it had anything useful on it, but there was nothing of use to them now. He took the sceptre regardless, and Loki lead the way back to the valley where he thought he had spotted some caves earlier. 

The cave was halfway up the side of the valley, but it was completely dark long before they reached it. Without a moon, Loki's eyes had difficulty with just starlight. Thor's muffled curse every time he stepped on a rock showed how he was faring. 

'Give me the sceptre,' Loki said, taking it blinding. He felt the magic, and although the feel of it disgusted him, he made the sceptre's energy crystal light up enough to see where they were going. 

The cave was low, but deep, and they found a suitable place round the first corner, where the winds did not reach them. 

'I am going to make some fire, it will be an illusion so it will give no warmth. I can not use more energy than that.'

'Do not make anything if it steals your energy,' Thor said, finding a spot against the cave wall. 'We can sit in the dark until morning.' 

'I think we need a little light, just to make sure the cave is empty.' He put down the sceptre, glad to be rid of it, and plunged them into darkness. He concentrated and created a flame that attached itself to the sceptre's handle. He let it grow before gingerly sitting back against the wall. The flame seemingly burnt on its own. 

The cold was very bad now, even in the cave, and Thor had wrapped himself tight in his winter cloak. Loki worried it would get even colder before dawn. He made a decision. 

'What are you doing?' 

'I am giving you my cloak.' Loki draped it over Thor's shivering form, tucking it in behind him. 

'You will freeze.' 

'No, I won't.' Loki blinked and felt the cold leave him instantly. Thor stared, and Loki ignored it. He sat down again and focused on keeping the flame going, listening to the wind and for any sounds of animals. After many long minutes of silence, Thor decided to speak. 

'Why did you kiss me?'


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this chapter is a bit short, but I'm having so much trouble with the rest of the chapter that I decided to just post the first part since it's done. Hope you enjoy it all the same :)

'Why did you kiss me?' 

For every second that ticked by, the question pressed down on Loki harder and harder. He stared at the flame, postponing the inevitable a few more precious moments. Finally, when Thor moved slightly to adjust his position, Loki took a breath and spoke. 

'Does it matter? Fill in whatever reason you need.' 

'I would rather hear the truth.' 

'The truth is...' Loki's throat closed up. 

'Loki.' He could hear the cold in the way Thor's voice wavered. He hoped the night didn't last long. He wished he could sit closer and share body warmth, but he had no body warmth to share. He looked down at his blue hands. 'Speak to me,' Thor pleaded. 

'Why would you want to hear such things?' 

'Because... I kissed you back.' 

Loki's head snapped up to the sight of Thor huddling in the cloaks, eyes downcast in a way Loki had never seen before. 

'Why?' Loki's voice wavered too. 

'I have had impure thoughts of you for some time,' Thor confessed in a whisper. 'My love for you has taken on a... second dimension.' 

'Because of my... imprisonment?' 

'What?' Thor looked up, frowning. 'What do you mean?' 

'Fandral-'

'Do not speak his name in the same breath as my feelings for you.' 

'He was not alone.' 

'Why do you say these things?' 

'I am trying to understand.'

'And I am telling you I love you not as purely as a brother should.' 

'I am not your brother.' 

Thor let out a frustrated noise. 'Perhaps that knowledge has corrupted me.' 

'Corrupted you?' 

'I know I should not feel thus about you, even if you were not raised as my brother. Even if we met as chance acquaintances, I know I should not burden you with my love and desires when you have been hurt and abused by those who should have protected you.' Thor sighed, closing his eyes. 'But I cannot help them.' 

'Your desires...' Loki knew he would blush were he in his Asgardian skin. 'You want me.' Had the planet blown up after all? Was this his brain's last nanosecond of life giving him something good to go out on?

'I do,' Thor whispered. 'But not as Fandral!' He swore when the sound echoed through the chamber, and blushed. 'I swear, if that is what you think-' he shook his head, bowing it. Loki feared he might shed a tear. 'I understand how you might think that, but I swear my feelings are not so warped as that.' 

'I know.' He hadn't known, not until he said the words, but after he had said them he knew how ridiculous his fear of Thor's lust had been. Thor was pure of heart and spirit. If he felt any desire, it was as he felt for any maiden he lusted after. Loki would never suggest that lust unhealthy, so why would he think he had the power to change that about Thor? His heart raced as the knowledge spread through him, with a new fear that was not fearful, if that made any sense, but rather a fear of the ecstasy of soul.  

'I hope you do,' Thor said. 'I know my desires are still a burden, as you are so... damaged by him.' 

'Your desires are no burden.' He looked away when Thor glanced up. 'I would say they are a comfort, and... and companion to my own.' 

'Companion...' 

Loki could hear Thor move closer, but stopped short of actually touching him. 'Why did you kiss me?' he repeated. 

'I kissed you because I wanted to,' Loki said. 'My... feelings for you have changed as well.' 

'By the Nine,' Thor swore softly. 'You do not say this just to please me?' 

'If I had any lies left in me, I left them by that crater where I was prepared to meet my death.' 

'Loki, look at me.' Loki forced himself to do as asked, and found Thor's eyes wide and hopeful. 'How long have you felt this way?' 

'I'm not certain,' he shrugged slightly. 'My feelings crept upon me like a thief in the night.' 

'After your imprisonment?' 

'I thought so, but when I look back now, all my memories of you are... corrupted.' 

'Dear Loki,' Thor said. He tried to smile, but it came out all wrong. Perhaps he regretted this whole confession. Loki looked away. 'No, stay with me.' Thor almost reached out, but Loki jerked back to stop him. Their eyes met. 'I fear this is a great knot we can not hope to unknit in this place, but when we get home, we can work it loose together.' 

'I don't see how we will ever get home.' 

Thor glanced about their desperate surroundings. 'Yes, you have a point. In which case, I shall kiss you once more on the morrow, and then we shall get home or die together.' 

'On the morrow?' 

'You can't change back before then, or you will be cold,' Thor said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He settled back against the wall and closed his eyes. Loki stared for a long time, before eventually letting the magical fire die down, and himself to fall asleep. 

Loki awoke before the dawn. He hesitated in waking Thor, but eventually had to do so. The sun was not yet over the valley walls, but its light was still brightening the rocks, and they could see without fire. 

He was just about to suggest they leave to explore the planet, when the distinct sound of footsteps reached them. It was a four-legged beast, judging by the noise, and soon it became clear that there was more than one. Loki feared they might have slept in some creature's day-time lair. 

'Careful,' Thor advised. 'We know nothing of its strength or weakness.' 

Loki nodded silently. They cautiously approached the entrance. When they were in sight of it, a great hulking shadow obscured it. Thor raised his hammer, and Loki the Chitauri sceptre. 

'Steady,' Loki whispered. The beast sniffed loudly, then made a sound like a growing wolf with a sore throat and charged. They separated, plastering themselves to opposite walls while the beast shot past them in a rage at havings its lair disturbed. It smacked into the inner wall. 

'Run,' Loki said. Thor agreed. They had no quarrel with the creature. Outside the sun was rising fast, showing the valley in a dull grey, and three more beasts. They were smaller, most likely cubs, only they were large enough to ride. Their skin was grey as the rocks around them, made of some sort of large scales. Four-legged, long snouted with huge nostrils, with black eyes on top of their heads between ear-like protrusions of their scales. They were absolutely hideous. 

'They look fast,' Thor commented. The animals seemed to be in shock at something new on their planet. They tilted their heads, looking to each other as if to ask if the new creatures were edible. 

The sound of the mother galloping out of the cave produced screeching cries of excitement. Thor turned to face the mother, while Loki kept an eye on her brood. She stopped right outside the entrance, eyeing them. 

'Now what?' Thor asked. 

'I'm thinking,' Loki said. He thought perhaps an obscuring spell might help distract them. Fog, or something similar, except that they hunted in the night, and by smell. Loki and Thor were very smelly compared with their surroundings. The mother was snarling, clearly annoyed at their quickness, and was now contemplating how best to get at them, suggesting a high level of intelligence. 

'Too late,' Thor said as the mother screamed and charged. The children mimicked the sound in their excitement, and the boldest shot forward towards Loki. He ducked and rolled, hearing Thor striking the mother with Mjølnir. When he was at his feet, however, two of the bastards were at him, and one lunged at the sceptre. Loki had to drop it to save his hands. He used his magic and doubled himself, shooting up with magical strength, jumping off with one foot on one beast's back. The one with the sceptre had gotten confused at Loki's double, and Thor had already recharged Mjølnir to strike at the second. The third runt had watched it all, and jumped on Loki. 

He fell backwards, extending his arm to produce his ice spear, hoping it was strong enough. 

The beast landed heavily, body impaled on the spear. It whined and tried to bite, but it died before it could descend enough to reach. Its stench was as bad as its looks. 

'Loki,' Thor called, running to him. Loki had a little trouble getting the thing off him without breaking his spear. He didn't want to lose the moisture. 

'Help me,' Loki said, gritting his teeth as he tried to withdraw the spear into himself. With Thor's help it was easier. The body rolled down the side of the valley to meet the others who had been sent thither by Mjølnir. 

'Are you all right?' Thor asked, watching the last of Loki's spear disappear. 'You… you used Jotun ice.' 

'Yes, I've done it once before,' Loki said, examing the arm. It looked fine. For half a second he wondered why Thor was not offering his hand to help him up, as he was wont to do, but then he realized he had turned blue, and quickly changed back. Thor extended his hand, and Loki took it. 

He was pulled up into a hug. Strange, considering the fight had not been that difficult or dangerous. 'I told you it would be an advantage,' he said fondly. He kept a hold of Loki, but withdrew enough to look into his eyes. Thor's eyes flickered all over his face. Honest eyes, full of things Loki tried to swallow down. Thor leaned in, eyes closing, and their lips met in a chaste kiss, probably the most chaste kiss Thor had given in his life. Loki kept very still, in case it was all an illusion. 

Thor stopped suddenly. 'Are you- is this all right?' 

Loki nodded several times.  

Thor smiled slightly, leaning in a second time. Loki tried to press back a little, but it was so surreal, his muscles didn't want to cooperate. Thor pulled back a second time. 

'You are certain you are not saying such things to placate me?' 

Loki was about to argue that he had kissed Thor first, when a surge of adrenaline shot through him and made him pull Thor in by the back of his head, crushing their lips together in a proper kiss. Thor made a startled noise, but adjusted his angle quickly. Finally, things started feeling pleasant. Thor's lips were demanding, but not so much as to be frightening, there was still softness. Loki opened his mouth to him, and knew then what it was like being an Asgardian maiden under assault from the God of Thunder. He clawed at Thor's head and shoulders, tangling his fingers in his hair. Every nerve shivered. 

A high note surprised them. It sounded like a bell, and came from the Chitauri sceptre, whose power crystal was glowing in time with the dinging. 

'They are sending more,' Loki said, looking down the valley to the crater. Finding no sign of them there, he searched the horizon up the valley, but he saw no movement. 'We need to get to higher ground.' 

'Agreed,' Thor said, picking up the sceptre and studying it. It glowed brighter, and the bell sound transformed into a high-pitched tone, growing in intensity. 'What-' A blinding beam of solid light shot out from the crystal, extending three meters straight ahead like a strange lightning-bolt spear. Thor frowned. 

'LET GO!' Loki screamed, but it was too late. The spear of light spun round as fast as Thor could spin his hammer, and as it passed around Thor, he disappeared. The whole process took no more than half a second, but for several moments after that Loki refused to believe what had happened. 

He was alone, and Thor was now in the Chitauri's dimension. The world between worlds, where Loki had spend half an eternity. 

He looked this way and that, as if Thor would reappear. He wrestled his mind into control, breathing slowly through his nose. They had Thor. He was stuck on a planet so far from Yggdrasil not even Heimdal could see him. He had lost the sceptre. There was nothing else that could help him-

There was one more Chitauri left on the planet surface. One had been tossed into the hole, but the first one Thor had sent to the horizon. If Loki remembered correctly, it had gone northward. If he could find it, he could find the sceptre and perhaps figure out how to "call home" as it were. 

He set off immediately, almost stumbling in his haste to get down to the frozen river at the bottom. He passed the dead beasts without a second glance and started jogging towards the hole. He had no real idea on how long the planet's day was, so he had to move quickly. He would not leave Thor alone for longer than absolutely necessary. 

XXX 

Thor had travelled by magic before, through the Bifrost, by Odin's magic and Loki's will, but never had he felt like this. He had travelled at the blink of his eye, and the sensation had been very strange, as if he had stopped halfway, feeling like a piece of food was in his throat, an itch on his skin. The world around him was at first indistinct, his eyes not used to not strictly being eyes anymore. He had a vague idea of where he was: the world between worlds, the realm of the Chitauri. 

The first thing he saw was a rocky landscape like it was described in books of legends. He held the sceptre in one hand, Mjølnir in the other. 

He was on a platform- no, a floating piece of rock. He gasped as his mind interpreted what he saw. It was like a dreamscape. Platforms, like rock islands, floating in a miasma of grey-blue matter. Had Loki been here? He heard noises and spun. Coming up from beneath the edge of the rock, as if there was a staircase leading down just beyond Thor's sight, came several Chitauris, both soldiers and mages. They spotted him, and simultaneously their sceptres, weapons, and eyes began to glow. Thor dropped his stolen sceptre and planted his feet, spinning Mjølnir in preparation. 

They descended on him like a horde. He smashed them away, again and again. He took hits both physical and magical, and each time his movements became more sluggish. After only a few minutes he was gasping for air as if he had been fighting for weeks, but was there even air to breathe? 

He was knocked to his knees, Chitauri weapons at his throat. The horde parted to let one mage through. When he spoke, it was not with mouth or sound, and cut into Thor's mind. 

'Thor Odinsson,' the voice hissed. 'I bid you welcome.' 

XXX 

Loki ran for hours, past the hole of the Tesseracts, and northwards, chasing the horizon. He continuously scanned the ground for sight of the sceptre, lest it had landed a shorter distance from them than the body. His mind was a blank, the task ahead his sole focus. He would not fail in this. 

Annoyingly, Thor's strength was great, and by the time the shadows grew long Loki had yet to see anything other than rocks. At least the relatively flat plain continued. Unfortunately, it meant there was no shelter for him in the night. He found the biggest rock he could and huddled against it away from the wind. He dared not light a flame, even a illusory one, lest it draw more of those beasts they had slain. His Jotun skin kept the cold at bay, but his fear at the thought of Thor in the Chitauri's grasp, was the greater worry. He could not sleep. When the sun peaked above the horizon Loki sprang to his feet to continue his search, but he knew his strength had diminished in the night. He pushed through thoughts of fatigue or failure, and set his course north again. 

When he finally spotted something that looked too round to be a rock, he sprinted the last bit, finding the Chitauri's body decimated by the impact. A little bit further on lay the sceptre. He picked it up, running his fingers over the crystal. The sun was now completely over the horizon. Loki sent a surge of magic energy through the sceptre, and the bell sounded. 

Terror gripped him, and he almost let go. 

A second later and the tone sounded, the light shot out, and Loki was returned to the world between worlds.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Sorry it has taken me this long. Yet another plot bunny assaulted me, this one for my other pen name (Elpin, if you want even more of my stories). In addition, the decisions about the Chitauri home “world” were very difficult, as they are so different from anything in the comics, and we don't really have much to go on from the movie. So be warned this has a lot of “original content”
> 
> Second note: Happy Easter to everyone! I am enjoying my week off by writing lots :) Internet is very scarce up here in the mountains, so I really hope this gets posted right!

'Welcome, Son of Odin.' The words did not travel by air, and yet they reached his ears- or did they? Thor wasn't certain he had ears anymore. In the world between worlds, nothing existed yet everything seemed solid. 

He was on a large rock formation, hovering in a miasma of colourless, purple fog. Thor had no words to describe the feeling of not feeling, of not being yet having his feet placed firmly on rock. In the fog he could see several other formations, some with stairs leading from one to another. He looked down at the sceptre that had brought him. The power crystal appeared to be empty, so he dropped it and took a firmer grasp round Mjølnir. 

'I am afraid you will have difficulty hammering a nail which does not exist, Thor Odinsson,' the voice came again. Thor turned round, but there was no one. 

'I can hammer many things beside nails,' Thor said. Mjølnir's magic would not fail him, he reasoned. He had hammered these foes on Asgard, he would strike them here as well. 'Show yourself, and I will demonstrate.' 

'We do not wish to fight you,' the voice said. 'We offer you our hospitality.' They must think him truly stupid. 

'I gladly accept,' he replied. He walked over to the edge of the rock, but looking down was no different than looking up or sideways – there was no up or down, he realised. 'Please, show me your... home.' 

'We shall show you many things,' the voice hissed. He realised the rock was moving, slowly, or the others were, he could not tell. He passed underneath or over several formations. They were becoming denser, he realised. Soon he had to duck to avoid a passing rock. Through the fog emerged a great collection of rocky islands so dense it was like a spherical forest of them, and he could not see to the centre. As his own island moved in between the outer layers, he realised it was not becoming darker. There was no source of light, and yet everything was illuminated equally dimly. 

The rock stopped moving when it gently collided with another. Ahead of him he could now see a sort of path from one to the next, up and down stairs. 

Another disturbing realisation – there was no end to his sight. On the Nine Realms, or any planet in the universe, one could see no further than conditions or sight allowed, but here only the rocks themselves hid something else from view. The furthest rock he could see was no less detailed or visible than the one he was standing on. Yet the fog moved around him, obscuring the edges of his vision. He was becoming dizzy with trying to make sense of it. 

Seeing as he could not stand there for eternity, he moved forward, jumping to the next rock, and the next, moving up a stair and following the easiest path towards the centre of whatever it was. 

Sometimes he thought he spotted something moving, but whenever he turned towards it he found himself turning the wrong way, as if his mind and body were not connected – which of course they weren't. 

He passed between two rocks, bending almost at the waist to get past, and saw finally what lay at the centre. It was one of the great creatures that had invaded Midgard and spewed forth the footsoldiers of the Chitauri. It lay as a whale in water, seemingly asleep. All around him the rock islands held footsoldiers, still and grey and almost indistinguishable from the rocks themselves. They were sleeping as well, Thor realised, but standing as statues. 

'You destroyed many of our vessels,' the voice whispered again. Thor spun, thinking again that it was right behind him. No one. He started searching the rocks of soldiers, thinking perhaps one of them was speaking. 'But we have countless more.' 

'You have no means of entering our universe anymore,' Thor told the voice. 'The Tesseract is gone.' 

'We know. We felts its demise. But there are other ways of travelling to the universe.' 

'Is that suppose to scare me?' 

The voice did not answer for a long time, and Thor felt almost nervous when nothing else happened. 

'Your brother is coming for you,' the voice said suddenly. 

'Loki, no,' Thor said, having meant to only think it, but thought and voice were impossible to separate where one had no mouth or brain. 

'He knows the way between worlds, all he needs is a little more power.' 

'Leave him alone, or I will strike you down!' 

'Loki Laufeysson has returned to us.' 

'Do not say that!' 

'He wishes to serve again.' 

'Stop your lies!' 

'He was eager to prove his worth to us the first time.' 

'Silence!' 

Thor raised Mjølnir high and stuck at the rock beneath him. It trembled and cracked down the middle. He jumped to the neighbouring one as it broke apart, but it did not fall, merely floated away in all directions. 

Lights, pairs of lights, hundreds of them. The eyes of the footsoldiers as they opened, as waking stars in the void. Thor turned to run back the way he came, but there rocks behind him were too far. He looked down, he could see several he might jump to, but just as he was about to leap he felt the sting of a Chitauri weapon strike him. 

He hissed with pain, almost failing to his knees, but he managed to stay conscious. He turned, raising Mjølnir, but there were too many. He was utterly surrounded, dozens of weapons pointed at him. Three shot him at once, and he fell over, unconscious. 

XXX 

'No, please,' Loki whispered. He tried to squirm away, but the bonds on his wrist kept him in place. Thor ignored his pleas, grinding down on him, heedless of the way his armour was probably hurting his naked body. 

'Shut up, Jotun,' Thor snapped as he bit a pale shoulder. Loki gasped, back arching. 'Whore,' Thor chuckled. He slipped one hand down between them and found Loki's hard cock, pumping steadily several times. Loki whimpered, turning his head away to hide his reaction, but Thor saw the blush, and the desperate little gasps. 

'Fandral, please.' 

'Say it,' Thor growled. 

'Fuck me,' Loki begged, throwing his head back and moaning obscenely. Thor grabbed his hips harshly, lifting them so he could spear Loki in one swift movement. Loki felt so tight around him. 

'Stop.' 

'Whore, beg me for it.' 

'Stop.' 

'Fandr-AH-al' 

'STOP!' Thor's eyes snapped open. He surged upwards, but was stopped short by belts of metal holding him to some sort of chair. The dream lingered in the tips of his fingers and other extremities. He felt like throwing up and screaming. As his breathing slowed, he took in the room around him. 

It was big and round, perhaps twenty meters in diameter, with a perfectly domed ceiling and walls. It was all grey, but he could not tell what sort of metal it was made of. It sometimes shimmered as if is was moving, the pattern like breathing. There were cross-beams spanning the dome, in the same grey, looking like the ribs of a breast. The chair he was in was in the exact centre of the room, and the only thing in it. The floor was grey as well, in a discomforting hexagonal pattern that made him dizzy if he stared too long. 

'You have a strange mind,' the voice said, coming from every direction at once. 'Your kind have strange rituals that produce both pleasure and pain.' 

'Let me go, where is my hammer?' Thor struggled against his bonds, but they remained tight. 

'Such fantasies.' 

'I know your games,' Thor shouted to the empty room. 'You mean to confuse me and break me, like you did Loki.' 

'We mean only to know you better. Let us show you.' 

Thor was about to scream at them with there was a surge of energy through him, coming from every part in contact with the chair. 

Then everything went very still. He opened his eyes. He was on a plain of ice. Jotunheim. The wind howled around him, growing in intensity. 

'Thor.' He spun at the sound of his name. Loki was there, on the ground, bleeding. Thor ran to him, falling to his knees next to him. But he could not touch him, for Loki was blue and naked. 'Help.' 

'I will,' Thor promised. The wound was large, covering all of Loki's left side. Thor reached out and slipped his hands under him, lifting him gently. The pain from the frost bite was almost unbearable, but Thor stood despite it. He wasn't sure in which direction to go, but he had to move. 

Three steps and the pain was too much, his vision blurring. One more and his arms broke off, black and brittle. Loki fell, and Thor screamed. 

He woke up in bed. Everything looked real and solid, with beautiful morning light streaming in from the balcony. He was naked, which was as he usually slept. He sighed deeply. All a dream, nothing more. 

A hand slid across his chest, startling him. Loki slithered up from beneath the sheets, a wicked smile on his lips. 

'Loki!' 

Loki captured his lips to silence him. His body covered every inch of Thor, though that had to be impossible. The pleasure was distracting. Loki straddled him, sitting up. He looked perfect right there. Thor was about to reach out to him, when someone appeared from behind Loki, bending over his shoulder to bite at his neck. Loki leaned away to give better access, moaning 'Fandral.' 

Thor shot upwards, lunging at Frandral, but he reached only air. He could still hear them moan, however, as if they were fucking right in front of him. Enraged, he jumped out of bed, trying to follow the sound. It was all over the place, louder and louder. He ran from the room, heedless of his nakedness. The palace was empty, but the moans and grunts reverberated as if all of Asgard were rutting like animals. 

He ran as fast as he could all the way to the prison. No guards, no prisoners. He found Loki's old cell, and inside he could see them. Fandral's back was to him, and he was fucking Loki with hard unyielding thrusts. Loki, on all fours, shook with each impact. 

The doors were open, so Thor marched inside. He reached the pair, grabbed Fandral's shoulder and spun him round- 

Only to be met with himself. 

'No,' he gasped, shooting up in the chair once more, back in the domed room. It had not been the belts that had stopped him this time, however, but a firm hand on his chest. 

'Be silent,' Loki said. 'We must move very, very quickly. Do as I say, and do not believe anything you see or hear. Understand?' Thor nodded, getting out of the chair. 

'But- how-' he tried to speak, but the images were still haunting him. Loki put a hand on his shoulder, his eyes becoming all Thor could see. 

'I have killed the one who was torturing you,' he said. 'But another will discover him soon. We must be gone before they raise the alarm. All you have seen is a trick, designed to unsettle you. It was not real, it was not of your making.' 

'It was-' 

'Later. Here.' Loki took his hand and placed Mjølnir in it. 'Feel her power. This is true, nothing else.' It was as if he had drunk a cure for all that ailed him. The moment he felt Mjølnir's power shoot through him, he was on much firmer ground. He nodded in true understanding and told Loki to lead the way. He did not even question how Loki came to be able to hand him his hammer. 

As they passed out of the large room, Thor saw a Chitauri mage by what looked like a control console, his head completely severed from his body. They ran down a small corridor, the walls the same as the room, and again that unsettling pattern of movement, as if the walls were slightly see-through. 

'Where-' Thor had too many question, it was impossible to pick just one. Where were they, how did Loki find him? They reached an intersection, but Loki did not hesitate or slow his pace. Again and again they came to an intersection, and Thor had to wonder how Loki knew where they were going. 

'Loki, where are we going?' 

'No time for question,' Loki hissed. He always stopped for half a second to check around every corner, but this time he spared a moment to glance behind him at Thor. 'Do not worry, I have spent enough time inside these beasts to know every inch of their circulatory system.' 

'Beasts-' Thor stared at the wall, the eerily breathing movement now suddenly explained. He swallowed back the urge to vomit. 

'Come, we are almost there.' 

'They knew you were coming.' 

'No, only one knew I was coming, and he thought to trap me with you, but he underestimated me.' 

'He-' 

'No time,' Loki said. He stopped short at a corner, peeking around it carefully. 'Remember, do not trust anything you hear. They have no mouths, they will speak into your mind.' 

'They speak as though they are one.' 

'No, only their soldiers are of one mind, but they like to pretend they are all of one purpose.' 

'But-' 

'Quiet, in a moment we will run into this chamber and kill all of them as swiftly as possible. We need their sceptres. Get ready.' 

Thor gripped Mjølnir tight and took a deep breath. Loki had no weapon, and Thor frowned, but before he could question him he disappeared around the corner and Thor had to follow. 

They ran down the short corridor to a room about the same in size as the one Thor had come from, but with many control consoles and three Chitauri mages. They were in a semi circle around a central hub of light – it looked like an illutration of a planet like they used on Asgard to map out the Nine Realms. 

They glanced up when Loki entered. Thor raised Mjølnir to throw it, but a piercing screech paralysed him. All three of them were screaming, he realised, but Loki did not seem affected. He turned blue in an instant, then threw several ice spikes straight at the nearest one, not even waiting for them to hit their target before he was leaping up onto the nearest control console, kicking the second Chitauri in the face. He then jumped down on him, disappearing from view. 

Thor had his hands to his ears, but once Loki had disrupted two of them, the scream was far from as piercing. The third Chitauri was pressing several buttons on the console in front of him, so Thor threw Mjølnir, knocking him clean into the far wall, scull completely shattered. 

Mjølnir returned to him and he looked to the first Chitauri to check he was dead, then rounded the consoles to find Loki, arm made of ice, spearing the Chitauri through the stomach while muttering to him. 

'He wishes to serve us,' the Chitauri's voice sounded in Thor's head. 'He is leading you to Him.' 

'Do not speak to him,' Loki hissed, pressing the icicle down further. 'He will not believe your lies.' 

'Loki Liesmith is our kin in spirit,' the voice continued. 'He has longed to return to us.' 

'Shut up.' Loki withdrew the spear, then planted it in the middle of his chest, silencing him at least. Loki rose, and went to the console, pressing several buttons, though how he could read the output Thor knew not. He was far to busy staring at the way Loki's arm was slowly absorbing the icicle again. It was extraordinary. His blueness disappeared the second the ice-spear was gone. 

'They have been alerted,' Loki said. 'But they will not get here in time.' He bent and picked up one sceptre, throwing it to Thor, then going to the next to get one for himself. 

He came to stand in front of Thor, eyeing the sceptre and console with quick glances. 'He will be angry he wasn't alerted immediately.' 

'Who is He?' 

Loki looked at him as if he had forgotten he was there. 'Never mind now, we need to get back. I can calibrate them to get us to Jotunheim as it is not guarded by any magic, but I'm not adept enough to know exactly where we will land.' He pressed several more buttons on the console. 'I calibrated my own sceptre this way when I connected with the Tesseract to get to Midgard.' 

'They let you-' 

'I was their servant, completely loyal,' Loki cut him off. He finished his calculations and walked round the console to thrust the end of the sceptre into the glowing hub, now a clear representation of Jotunheim. The crystal glowed brighter for a moment. 'Now yours.' Thor did the same. 

'Touch the handle here,' Loki indicated the exact place Thor had touched it when he had picked up the sceptre that had brought him here. 'And wait for the sound.' 

'Do you hear that?' Thor asked. There was a low frequency noise irritating the back of his mind. 

'They are on their way,' Loki said. 'Quickly, now. They are very, very angry.' 

They both touched their sceptres, waited, and then were transported to Jotunheim.' 

XXX 

Thor was almost knocked off his feet when he arrived, the sudden shock of the storm was so great. He brought his arm up to shield his face, worried he might have landed far from Loki, but luck was with him. 

'Throw away the sceptre,' Loki said, completely blue again. Thor did, throwing it with great might. 'Come, we need to keep moving in case they follow.' 

'Heimdal!' Thor cried as they started trekking, into the wind for some reason. Perhaps it was strategic, Thor did not care to open his mouth more than absolutely necessary. His cloak had not been with him when he had awoken, and he was quickly becoming dangerously cold. 

'Heimdal!' Loki cried as well. 'By the Nine, turn your gaze to us!' 

'Loki,' Thor gasped, teeth chattering. He stumbled, but Loki caught him before he landed face first in the snow. 

'Heimdal!' he cried again. 'I can not warm you,' he said to Thor, mouth close to his ear. 'My fires would be snuffed out by the wind.' 

'It's all right, Loki,' Thor managed. 

'I should have attempted somewhere else.' 

'We had no time.' 

'Damn Heimdal to Hel!' Loki cried as Thor started shaking uncontrollably. He was so cold it hurt in the marrow of his bones. 

Just when he thought he would pass out, the light of the Bifrost saved them. 

Heimdal took him off Loki's hands when they arrived, the heat of Asgard almost as painful as the cold of Jotunheim thanks to the contrast. Loki turned back to pale pink, hovering uncertainly as they hurried from the Bifrost. 

'I am better already, Heimdal, thank you,' Thor said as they walked the bridge. His extremities were regaining their feeling, and he knew instinctively he did not wish to enter the palace while supported. 'Go back to your post, I am fine.' 

'If you are certain.' 

'I was only there for a few moments,' Thor reassured him. They left Heimdal and walked silently towards the palace. Thor had never seen a sweeter sight. He glanced at Loki, who caught his gaze. Thor smiled. 

'We made it.' 

'Yes,' Loki said softly. 'You are certain you feel warm-' 

'Yes, Loki,' Thor smiled. 'You saved my life, thank you.' 

'No thanks needed.' They entered the palace and servants immediately flew from their presence to alert the Allfather. By the time they entered the throne room, Odin was there, hurrying towards them with a speed Thor had not seen in a long while. 

'You are alive,' he breathed. Crushing Thor in a form embrace. He returned it gladly, closing his eyes in a moment of childlike indulgence. Slowly, the shock of everything that had happened was seeping into him, but he buried his reaction and focused on his father's presence. 'I started to worry after a week.' 

'A week?' 

Odin withdrew and reached out to Loki, pulling him in. Thor watched Loki return the embrace less enthusiastically than himself, but he thought he saw something glad in his eyes. 

'What happened? Tell me all, while you eat.' Odin led them to the private dining hall, where servants were running about frantically to set the table with food worthy of the returning Princes. Thor felt his stomach growl at the sight. 

Once seated, Thor let Loki explain in his subdued tone while he ate. The familiar setting soothed his fried nerves, and he could manage not to think about where they had been. Loki explained everything without emotion, and without certain details. When he passed over the events at the crater without the kiss, Thor felt himself blush. And again when they fought the strange beasts, he felt odd letting Loki lie to the Allfather. Well, not lie, it was simply omission. 

It turned out they had indeed been gone over a week. Loki explained briefly to him how the Chitauri world was timeless, but it went over his head, and he decided not to try and figure it out. Odin praised Loki for his rescue of Thor, and this time it was Loki who blushed, though Thor wasn't sure why. 

'I think I need to sleep,' Loki said. 

'Of course.' 

'I will go with you,' Thor said at once. Odin did not think it odd, and merely wished them both good sleep. They walked silently to their rooms, Thor's was the closest. They stopped awkwardly outside the door. 

'Stay here,' Thor said. 'I don't want you gone from my sight.' He blushed slightly.

'I don't think that's wise,' Loki said, avoiding his gaze. 'I will breakfast with you tomorrow.' He was about to leave, but Thor stopped him with a hand on his arm. 

'Just tell me one thing,' Thor said, waiting for Loki to look at him before asking. 'How did you lift Mjølnir?' 

Loki eyes widened as he glanced down at the weapon attached to Thor's belt. Had he not realised what he had done? 

'I- the physics in the Chitauri world are not our own,' he said, stammering. 

'You know Mjølnir does not answer to any physics, whether in our universe or theirs. She worked perfectly fine when I wielded her.' 

'I-I don't know.' 

'Then I do,' Thor said. He smiled, leaned in quick, and pressed a kiss to Loki's lips. He felt his heart hammering, but dared not wait for a reaction before hurrying inside his room. The kiss had taken the last of his energy, it seemed, for he fell asleep halfway out of his armour.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry this has taken so long, but I had so many different ways for this to go, I couldn't decide.

Thor’s night was disturbed by dreams. He did not remember them when he awoke, but he felt tired and nervous, which was not something he was accustomed to. The sun was barely illuminating the horizon when he stumbled from the bed. He called the servants, asked them to bring him food for two, even though he knew Loki would probably not come for hours. 

He took a stiff drink, for courage for the coming meeting or to ward off his bad mood. He sat on the balcony, toying with Mjølnir and waiting for the sun to rise. 

It was not halfway up when he heard the doors open. He glanced over his shoulder, leaping from his chair when he saw it was Loki, standing in the doorway, half concealed by the curtains. 

‘Loki,’ Thor greeted, feeling winded. 

‘Good morning.’ 

‘Yes, it is good.’ He glanced at the sun. Thor felt ill at ease with such light conversation. Asgard looked splendid, oblivious to the trials they had endured. ‘Please, come sit.’ 

‘You look ill,’ Loki remarked as he approached the table. 

‘Bad dreams,’ Thor said as they sat. 

‘About the Chitauri? I told you not to believe their lies.’ 

‘What did they show you?’ The question slipped out before he could swallow it, and Loki’s face hardened. ‘Forgive me, you need not answer.’ 

‘Many things, too many to name,’ Loki’s voice was almost a whisper. He stared at his lap. ‘They took all my fears and twisted them.’ 

‘And now?’ 

‘I have lived through real fears,’ Loki said. ‘I have no reason to dwell on illusory ones.’ 

‘I wish I had your wisdom,’ Thor smiled at the way Loki scrunched up his face slightly at the compliment. It had been a long time since he had told him that. He should say it every day. His mood was better for it. 

Loki took some fruit to eat and Thor tried to do the same, but it proved difficult. Every movement was distracting. Never had he felt so uncertain. Loki’s face was inscrutable, as always. He felt it was too soon to broach the subject he had on his mind. Instead, he cast his mind about and his eyes landed on Mjølnir laying on the empty chair. 

He picked her up, turning her over in his hands, feeling Loki’s eyes on him. 

‘How did she feel in your hands?’ Thor asked, placing her on the table between them. Loki shifted in his seat. 

‘I did not notice, at the time...’ 

‘She knew you had to bring her to me, and she deemed you worthy to do so.’

‘She is a hammer,’ Loki said pointedly. Thor laughed. 

‘Yes, she is just a hammer, but the magic makes it… strange. I feel naked without her with me.’ 

‘Yes,’ Loki coughed. ‘Well, I was a bit preoccupied finding you.’ 

They lapsed into silence. Thor got up abruptly, and Loki looked up, startled. Thor stepped around the table, and Loki jumped out of his chair, taking a step back. Thor stopped. 

‘Are you afraid of me?’ He took a step back. Perhaps Loki had changed his mind. Thor almost ran from the room then and there. 

‘No.’ Loki forced himself to step forward, coming to stand very close in front of Thor. ‘I thought perhaps you regretted it.’ 

‘How could I?’ He reached out and cupped the back of Loki’s head, pulling him in. The kiss was a bit hard, a bit stiff, but then Loki reached up and grabbed at Thor’s collar, relaxing and melting into him. Thor let his hand fall and embraced Loki properly. As the kiss deepened, his mind managed to consider if he was kissing Loki right. He did not wish to kiss him in a way that would make him think Thor was kissing him like he would a maiden. It was such an odd thought, Loki seemed to sense some difficulty, and pulled away. Thor was glad he did not let go, and kept a firm hold on him. 

‘Are you all right?’ Loki searched his face. 

‘Just overwhelmed,’ Thor said. ‘Are you?’ 

Loki nodded, eyes flickering to Thor’s lips. Thor had seen such an expression many times on potential partners, but such lust on Loki’s face was worth a thousand of them. Their next kiss was much less awkward, and Thor’s mind went blissfully blank. 

Loki made a little gasp and their kiss deepened further. Thor’s embrace tightened, feeling deliciously close with only their tunics between them. 

When Loki pulled back to draw breath, Thor kissed his neck, tasting him. His pulse was high. 

‘We should stop,’ Loki said. 

‘Stop?’ 

‘We should talk things out, make everything clear.’ 

‘I love you, is that clear?’ 

Loki made a noise of frustration. ‘Don’t do that. This is not that simple.’ 

‘My desire for you has grown every day since your recovery. Every time I see you, I wish to kiss you more, even though I know most would say such feelings are wrong… but we have been through so much, why should we care about what is wrong?’ 

Loki was staring at some point on Thor’s collar, fiddling with the fabric, uncertainty written all over his face. Thor was thankful he was still in his arms. 

Thor tentatively continued his speech, ‘I know you love me, though you’ve often denied it-’ 

‘I do,’ Loki looked up, ‘never doubt it again.’ They surged forwards into a bruising kiss. Loki wrapped his arms around Thor’s shoulders. They were pressed so close now Thor could feel Loki’s desire through their tunics. 

Again, Loki pulled back, this time wrenching himself free through great effort on both their parts. They breathed heavily. Loki had a hand on Thor’s chest to stop him from kissing him again. 

‘There must be a few more words,’ Loki insisted. Thor knew he could not get what he wanted before Loki was satisfied, so he nodded and stepped back to compose himself. Loki adjusted his tunic and they found their seats again. 

‘I need you to tell me what the Chitauri showed you, exactly,’ Loki said. 

‘Why?’ 

‘I think it would be useful.’ 

Thor sighed and looked away. He trusted Loki, and knew he would not judge Thor for the nightmares those demons created. Speaking of what he had seen was still difficult. His speech was stilted, but with Loki’s calm silence, he managed to describe his nightmares. 

When he finished, Loki took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I think I understand now.’ 

‘What?’ Thor looked up. 

‘Our fears are not so dissimilar,’ Loki said, giving him a sad smile. ‘But in a way the Chitauri exposed them when we could not. Now we know our fears, we can conquer them.’ 

‘So… does that mean you will let me kiss you now?’ 

Loki looked away and rolled his eyes, but Thor saw he struggled not to laugh. He rose from his chair and tugged Loki up, framing his beautiful face, looking at it with awe. 

Their kisses were becoming familiar, and with experience came pleasure. Thor knew he had to get Loki to his bed, immediately, but he did not want to break the kiss. They found themselves stumbling like teenagers to the bed, falling down, Loki on top, their movements frantic. 

It had an element of the forbidden, there was no denying it. Loki sat up, straddling him, and for a second it was like the nightmare, but Loki’s smile was gently, not wicked. He cast a spell to lock the door, and tugged off his tunic. Thor did the same, with a little help. Loki leaned down to kiss him, his hands on Thor’s chest, stroking and mapping out the contours of his muscles. 

Thor had never had fingers like Loki’s touch him. They would drive him mad, and he would love every minute of it. 

Loki made to move downwards, and Thor’s heart jumped at the thought, but then it jumped for an entirely different thought and he stopped Loki, who looked up in confusion. 

‘Stay here,’ Thor said, unable to put his thoughts into words. Loki knew, however, because he knew Thor’s fears. They arranged themselves next to each other instead, removing the last of their clothes. They pressed as close as possible. Thor was certain he had never felt such flawless skin. Their kisses and touches grew steadily in urgency, until Thor was blind wish lust and rolled on top of Loki, who, equally blind, wrapped his legs around him. 

Loki moved in such a way that Thor felt as if he was being taken. It was distracting, but their coupling was already too far gone for coherency. Thor stole kisses between Loki’s gasps of pleasure. His fingers were digging into Thor’s shoulders, but he hardly felt them. 

Loki threw his head back, exposing his long, pale neck. Thor sucked on it, his thrusts becoming hard and piercing. Loki made a fist in his hair, but again his pleasure overwhelmed any pain. He lost his rhythm suddenly, coming at the sound of Loki’s little gasped ‘yes.’ It felt like a defeat, but as his pleasure subsided he could feel Loki’s fingers combing his hair, and the world righted itself. 

He was breathing deeply and slowly. Thor rearranged himself so as not to crush Loki too much, and put his head on Loki’s chest, wishing to sleep there all day. 

‘We have to move eventually,’ Loki seemed to read his thoughts. 

‘No, not until they break down the door.’ 

‘A little before that, I hope.’ 

‘Just stay here a little longer,’ Thor begged. He thought he heard Loki murmur ‘of course,’ but he couldn’t be sure. All he felt was his fingers, and the rise and fall of his chest. 

Perhaps ten minutes passed. Thor had not managed to fall asleep, but he was very close. 

'We must talk again,' Loki said. 'About how this is to... work.' 

'I say we already proved how well it worked.' Thor stroked down Loki's chest, but was swatted away. 

'Do not jest, Thor. If someone finds out.' 

'We will cross that bridge when we come to it.' 

'Just like that? We have to make some sort of plan-' 

'No,' Thor raised his head and looked at Loki. He looked impossibly beautiful, his hair all messed up and eyes on Thor. 'This is not a predictable situation. We can not plan for all eventualities. What happens will happen. We must react to it when it does, and not before.' 

'Like you in battle?' Loki suggested. 

'Even I have battle plans,' Thor said. 'But yes, sometimes you must meet your opponent before you can evaluate the best strategy.' 

Loki nodded, smiling, perhaps surprised Thor had a head on his shoulders after all. Thor put his head back on Loki's chest, content. Loki went back to combing his hair. 

For now, they were both at peace, and that was all they could hope for.


End file.
